Venting—Is it Good for Your Recovery?
Canine Welfare Advocate
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Venting—Is it Good for Your Recovery?
Vent: To give often vigorous or emotional expression to; to relieve by means of a vent; to give free expression to a strong emotion.
Venting your frustration. A lot of people do it. Sober Recovery and the forums within are a great place to vent about the challenges we are facing in our struggle to get sober or drug free. Whatever you are venting about, there is a good chance that someone, if not a majority of people, will relate.
We’ll relate to the anger, the despair, the frustration; relate to the lack of support, to the insistent cravings, to our aggravations about work and with our friends, family, spouses, loved ones; relate to our crappy lives, relate to our boredom, relate to our anxiety. But is venting a healthy component to one’s recovery? To a degree, perhaps. I think it is good to know you are not alone in your feeling, in your struggles. It’s good to get affirmation. However, in my own case, complaining, or venting, did not further my recovery. Felt good, but didn’t keep me sober.
I realized that I vented like I drank—because of, or at, the object of my emotions. I didn’t solve my problems by drinking them away. Discovered I couldn’t vent them away either. No, the only way to deal with my problems was to find a way to work through them, or accept them. I want to focus on the second option because changing one’s attitude towards something is sometimes easier than changing the circumstances that are challenging you. The key is gratitude.
I start by thinking how someone else might actually relish the very thing I’m complaining about. For example, boredom. You’ve seen the posts, perhaps even written one:
“I’m so bored.”
"Boredom is a trigger for me."
“I’m not motivated to do anything.”
“My life is unexciting now.”
“I can’t imagine living my whole life sober and it being this boring!”
Now envision someone bedridden in a hospital, or perhaps in a prison cell and imagine how much they would enjoy the boredom of your room, the access to so many diversions, the ability to leave the room and find something to do…something as simple as stepping outside to feel the sun, wind, or rain.
Or take your job and all the frustrations that go with it—the pay, the lack of appreciation, the stress, whatever. Now imagine what someone who hasn’t had a job in over a year would think of your problem; how much they would love to have a job to complain about. If you can imagine that someone would trade your problem of boredom, or the job you hate in a nanosecond, then you can have gratitude for it.
The next step is to turn your vent into thanks. Here are some examples:
For the Boredom Vent
I am thankful for the luxury of boredom. There are millions of people in this world whose daily existence is so difficult, is such a grind, that the word boredom isn’t part of their vocabulary. Time on my hands is a blessing that I will use to further my recovery from drugs or alcohol, not an excuse to use them.
For the Work Vent
I am thankful that I have a job, as lousy as it is, as rotten as they treat me, because if I have a job and remain sober, I can turn this around. And who knows how I’d handle being fired, or unemployed.
For the Life is Out to Test Me Vent
I am thankful for the challenges that sobriety has presented me, because every time I overcome a challenge or hurdle to my recovery, the stronger it makes me. Furthermore, if I overcome a challenge, I can help someone else overcome theirs, and that helps my recovery. And for that I’m thankful.
For the Frustrating Relationship Vent
I am thankful that my drinking hasn’t driven my [spouse, loved ones, parent, friends, etc] away. Sober, I am in a position to evaluate the stressors to this relationship and be willing to bear my part of the responsibility for our problems. Sober I can work through the problem, rather than hide in alcohol, or make the clear-headed and logical decision to end the relationship.
In conclusion, I am not so naïve as to think that everything that prompts you to vent lends itself to this exercise. Problems, and the frustrations that arise from them, vary, as do our approaches to them. But the positive outcome to any problem comes down to acceptance or resolution. Both are proactive. Vent if you must, but act and move on with your recovery.
Venting your frustration. A lot of people do it. Sober Recovery and the forums within are a great place to vent about the challenges we are facing in our struggle to get sober or drug free. Whatever you are venting about, there is a good chance that someone, if not a majority of people, will relate.
We’ll relate to the anger, the despair, the frustration; relate to the lack of support, to the insistent cravings, to our aggravations about work and with our friends, family, spouses, loved ones; relate to our crappy lives, relate to our boredom, relate to our anxiety. But is venting a healthy component to one’s recovery? To a degree, perhaps. I think it is good to know you are not alone in your feeling, in your struggles. It’s good to get affirmation. However, in my own case, complaining, or venting, did not further my recovery. Felt good, but didn’t keep me sober.
I realized that I vented like I drank—because of, or at, the object of my emotions. I didn’t solve my problems by drinking them away. Discovered I couldn’t vent them away either. No, the only way to deal with my problems was to find a way to work through them, or accept them. I want to focus on the second option because changing one’s attitude towards something is sometimes easier than changing the circumstances that are challenging you. The key is gratitude.
I start by thinking how someone else might actually relish the very thing I’m complaining about. For example, boredom. You’ve seen the posts, perhaps even written one:
“I’m so bored.”
"Boredom is a trigger for me."
“I’m not motivated to do anything.”
“My life is unexciting now.”
“I can’t imagine living my whole life sober and it being this boring!”
Now envision someone bedridden in a hospital, or perhaps in a prison cell and imagine how much they would enjoy the boredom of your room, the access to so many diversions, the ability to leave the room and find something to do…something as simple as stepping outside to feel the sun, wind, or rain.
Or take your job and all the frustrations that go with it—the pay, the lack of appreciation, the stress, whatever. Now imagine what someone who hasn’t had a job in over a year would think of your problem; how much they would love to have a job to complain about. If you can imagine that someone would trade your problem of boredom, or the job you hate in a nanosecond, then you can have gratitude for it.
The next step is to turn your vent into thanks. Here are some examples:
For the Boredom Vent
I am thankful for the luxury of boredom. There are millions of people in this world whose daily existence is so difficult, is such a grind, that the word boredom isn’t part of their vocabulary. Time on my hands is a blessing that I will use to further my recovery from drugs or alcohol, not an excuse to use them.
For the Work Vent
I am thankful that I have a job, as lousy as it is, as rotten as they treat me, because if I have a job and remain sober, I can turn this around. And who knows how I’d handle being fired, or unemployed.
For the Life is Out to Test Me Vent
I am thankful for the challenges that sobriety has presented me, because every time I overcome a challenge or hurdle to my recovery, the stronger it makes me. Furthermore, if I overcome a challenge, I can help someone else overcome theirs, and that helps my recovery. And for that I’m thankful.
For the Frustrating Relationship Vent
I am thankful that my drinking hasn’t driven my [spouse, loved ones, parent, friends, etc] away. Sober, I am in a position to evaluate the stressors to this relationship and be willing to bear my part of the responsibility for our problems. Sober I can work through the problem, rather than hide in alcohol, or make the clear-headed and logical decision to end the relationship.
In conclusion, I am not so naïve as to think that everything that prompts you to vent lends itself to this exercise. Problems, and the frustrations that arise from them, vary, as do our approaches to them. But the positive outcome to any problem comes down to acceptance or resolution. Both are proactive. Vent if you must, but act and move on with your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
Well articulated. Illustrates the mental habits/patterns that we get caught up in and how we have to not just be aware of but work to shift our thinking, our perspectives and really our consciousness.
Thanks for posting.
Thanks for posting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Thank you for this post. It was a great reminder to stay humble and grateful.
Nine years ago during my first unsuccessful bid at sobriety I ended up in the hospital with a kidney infection because I wasn't drinking enough water. After the first 12 hours or so after the antibiotics started working I got bored with lying in bed, tethered to an IV. I had a room mate. A woman who had already been in the hospital for two weeks. Major chronic health problems and who was awoken almost every hour it seemed for some treatment or medication.
There I lay, bored. Calling and whining to everyone I knew about what a drag it all was. While this poor woman had to lay there listening to me whine about how I was stuck in the hospital for a few days. She was totally and completely uncomplaining no matter how many times they poked and prodded her.
Somewhere along the way it finally sank in as to what I was doing. What an ungrateful and total jerk I was. I could get up and walk around. she could not. I would be leaving soon. She would not. I would recover my health. She would not. I apologized to my room mate for being such an idiot and told her she was an inspiration.
So, long winded, but thanks for reminding me. I had forgotten that lesson.
Nine years ago during my first unsuccessful bid at sobriety I ended up in the hospital with a kidney infection because I wasn't drinking enough water. After the first 12 hours or so after the antibiotics started working I got bored with lying in bed, tethered to an IV. I had a room mate. A woman who had already been in the hospital for two weeks. Major chronic health problems and who was awoken almost every hour it seemed for some treatment or medication.
There I lay, bored. Calling and whining to everyone I knew about what a drag it all was. While this poor woman had to lay there listening to me whine about how I was stuck in the hospital for a few days. She was totally and completely uncomplaining no matter how many times they poked and prodded her.
Somewhere along the way it finally sank in as to what I was doing. What an ungrateful and total jerk I was. I could get up and walk around. she could not. I would be leaving soon. She would not. I would recover my health. She would not. I apologized to my room mate for being such an idiot and told her she was an inspiration.
So, long winded, but thanks for reminding me. I had forgotten that lesson.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Ruby2 
Thank you for this post. It was a great reminder to stay humble and grateful.
Just writing the post was helpful to me. Of late, a lot of my replies to new comers have been more of the imperative nature: Do this, don't do that. I needed to post something more helpful than a gruff directive...no matter how well meaning they are intended.
So, I hope what worked for me, helps someone else.
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