Iffyspidee

Hi everyone:
I'm 5 days sober today, and feeling okay . On Saturday I have a going away party to attend. At a bar. With all of my favorite drinking friends. And I'm very nervous about how to handle this. Not going is not an option because the party is for me! I'm leaving my job after 15 and moving out of state.

My friends having been planning this, so backing out is not an option. I'm hoping I can pass off soda as my favorite beverage, and pass on shots claiming I'm trying to pace myself, but I don't know if I can pull this off. This is a big partying group.
Not to mention the temptation of taking my newly sober self to a bar....Can I even do this?

Any suggestions appreciated.

TIA.

Tamerua

Can you change the venue? I have had to go to events for work that were in bars and I got a game plan together ahead of time. If it gets wild, have your exit strategy ready. And come here. Tell us how it is going.

Iffyspidee

Thank you Tamerua. I may being posting from my phone in the bathroom!

Spinach

That really is the wrong day!
Good luck, ever had a migraine might be time to have your first, just when things get going might be time for you to.
John.

Aellyce

Iffyspidee - like Tamerua suggested. If this is a party for you, to celebrate you, can't you influence the program and setting? Sounds like it's not a surprise party, so can't you tell your friends to change the venue?

From your post it sounds like you were a social drinker... I mainly drank alone in the past many years, and find that being out with others drinking around me is not a problem really, it's not a trigger, because it's not what I would normally do. But if your drinking patterns involved socializing more... are there non-drinkers in that group? Or a person that you can confide in about your trying to get sober? I think such a "secret ally" around with you might help some.

least

If you're dead set on going I suggest you have a plan in case you feel tempted. You can always plead a headache and leave early.

malcolmsloan

I'd be worried about thinking that includes "I might. . .," or "I'm worried that I could. . .," or "I don't know if. . ." I say if you really have questions and doubts about whether or not you will handle it, don't go and find a way out--get sick, pay the neighbor kids to flatten your tires, go to the wrong place on purpose and wait for an hour then go home, get your car towed on purpose, lend your car at the last minute to your neighbor, or, heck, just say, "thanks so much guys, but I just can't make it," whatever. Then get in touch with your closest buddies from work in a safe location (coffee shop, park, your place) for a sober farewell party. Sometimes, staying sober takes some fight. All is fair when it comes to YOUR sobriety. Well, maybe not ALL, but pretty close. . To sum up, if you truly think you'll be tempted, stay away at all costs. Just my opinion based on my experiences.
Good luck.

wpainterw

Try V8 with lots of Tabasco sauce. A real challenge for you. Can you locate a friend in the group who is not a drinker and who can stick with you, get you through this. Tell her/him the problem and ask for help. If things get tough can you pull off a fainting spell- perhaps because you're overcome with emotion about leaving such fine friends? (e.g., "I don't know what to say! Your kind thoughts move me to tears! But I feel faint, help me lie down for a minute. Don't worry! I'll be all right...." etc. etc. )

W.

PurpleKnight

This sounds like a recipe for disaster, a group organising a party for you, your basically walking into their plans that they organised, and guess what it'll probably involve drinking.

With a group putting collective pressure on you it'll be unavoidable, it'd be like a stag going to a stag party and saying he wasn't drinking tonight, it'd never work!!

A change of venue, event, you organising it, something needs to change about the party for you to remain Sober!!

doggonecarl

Are you really that worried about hurting the feelings of "drinking" friends you won't see again once you move? Sounds like you are prepared to relapse and ready to start fresh after you move.

Don't. It's always a gamble with an alcoholic that you will be able to start a day 1 again.

tazzle

If you cant get the venue changed or altered, another option is talking to the bartender, tell him/her no alcohol in any of your drinks. Maybe bring a "special" birthday glass to drink with, and dont let go of it! Only you hand it over to be refilled. I like the idea of attaching yourself to a non drinker. Also put SR on your phone and hide in bathroom a and post here for additional support. Ive done that many a time!

Iffyspidee

Thanks for the great suggestions so far. I like the idea of finding a sober friend. I can hang out with my DD, and keep my glass of soda full so no one is kind enough to buy me a drink. My DD is pregnant, so she will want to go home early too.

With a plan and some help I can do this!

newme2day

I would definitely change the venue . . . At the very least. Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

FreeOwl

if I were you I'd hit this one up front. Walking in that door with nobody even the slightest bit aware that you're not drinking is setting yourself up, especially if they're all former "drinking buddies".

Is there someone in the organizing party you're close to and feel comfortable with? Maybe you can just let them know right up front "hey, listen... I really appreciate this party and am looking forward to it but I need to let you know that I've made a commitment to myself to live without alcohol for a while and I feel a little uncomfortable about needing to explain that.... would you be willing to help 'manage' that situation by helping head off any offers of beers / drinks for me with a simple "Actually, iffy's just having sodas tonight!"

or something like that.

Or maybe there are several people you feel comfortable enough with to have that proactive conversation? I've been to functions in sobriety and done just fine simply saying no thank you - but never where the focus was MY going away bash..... you know damn well there's going to be a line of people waiting to buy you rounds.

I'd go into it with a plan AND take some steps to head off disaster.

Betterlife1

just say you are getting sick. Maybe the beginnings of the cold or flu. You're stomach is feeling awful and you can't drink. End of story! You may get some disappointed people, but who cares. You will be more disappointed the next day if you drank! Good luck!

Dee74

Iffy I really wish more people would realise it is an option.
It really is OK to say no.

I see so many people biting off more they can chew in their first week.
I did the same thing, because I didn't want to change my life.

Trouble was my life was full of these kinds of situations.

Eventually, I looked at it this way - I had to: there's a party on one hand, and your recovery on the other - which is more important?

D