Living in the past & instant gratification
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 286
Living in the past & instant gratification
These are two of my biggest charachter defects. I have spent so much time feeling hurt about things that happened to me and feeling self pitty about not having the life I felt I could have had. When I decide to move foreward my big pitfall is wanting things to change quickly and I get impatient.
I recognize these as two of my major character defects and big reasons why I relapse or go on binges. If I'm going to live a sober life I must learn to let go of my past and let my future develope at it's own pace. To do this I cannot keep relapsing and falling back. I just have to get up everyday and do what I can to move foreward. This sounds simple but it will take me great effort. They say anything worth a damn takes great effort and patience right?
It's about time to just let go of the baggage and do what I can. When obstacles come (and they will) I have to believe in myself and remember it's not the end of the world. It's just another hurdle in this thing we call life. If I live in the past I will stay in the past. If I live for today my life will improve.
I recognize these as two of my major character defects and big reasons why I relapse or go on binges. If I'm going to live a sober life I must learn to let go of my past and let my future develope at it's own pace. To do this I cannot keep relapsing and falling back. I just have to get up everyday and do what I can to move foreward. This sounds simple but it will take me great effort. They say anything worth a damn takes great effort and patience right?
It's about time to just let go of the baggage and do what I can. When obstacles come (and they will) I have to believe in myself and remember it's not the end of the world. It's just another hurdle in this thing we call life. If I live in the past I will stay in the past. If I live for today my life will improve.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I read something that I wrote down and tacked up where I will see it everyday.
"How much serenity is it costing me to carry this resentment?"
that's helped me a lot.
I guess it's like that song "It's my party, I can cry if I want to..." yeah, we can...but then we miss the party. Sometimes that stuff can be like a sad movie though. Like I need a cry...so I play my sad story, boo hoo and then put it back away.
Recognizing our issues, like you do, is a HUGE help, because then we can catch ourselves and redirect our behavior.
"How much serenity is it costing me to carry this resentment?"
that's helped me a lot.
I guess it's like that song "It's my party, I can cry if I want to..." yeah, we can...but then we miss the party. Sometimes that stuff can be like a sad movie though. Like I need a cry...so I play my sad story, boo hoo and then put it back away.
Recognizing our issues, like you do, is a HUGE help, because then we can catch ourselves and redirect our behavior.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 639
I really identify with the O.P here also. I struggle (d) with the same things but it's getting better for me. I guess I never correlated the 2, living in the past with instant gratification. When I saw the title of the post it got me thinking and here I am.
A guy in a meeting said something I really liked the other day, that is living in the past = resentment, trying to live in the future= fear.
When I started getting sober I struggled more with these. Like I reflected on the past a lot and it just me sad, bitter, ashamed etc. But at the same time, yeah as an alcoholic I wanted that instant gratification. You, know ok I'm not drinking why are things still messed up and people aren't treating me nicely. Never mind the 14 years of drunken wreck I left in my wake.
I have learned we can't change the past and while remorse is good, focusing on it doesn't help. What we have to do as it was explained to me, is clean up our mess, make amends to those we hurt and be the best people we can be today. You know, life is a gift not something owed to us like I always used to believe it was.
I think the O.P really has the right idea and I say thank you for sharing this.
A guy in a meeting said something I really liked the other day, that is living in the past = resentment, trying to live in the future= fear.
When I started getting sober I struggled more with these. Like I reflected on the past a lot and it just me sad, bitter, ashamed etc. But at the same time, yeah as an alcoholic I wanted that instant gratification. You, know ok I'm not drinking why are things still messed up and people aren't treating me nicely. Never mind the 14 years of drunken wreck I left in my wake.
I have learned we can't change the past and while remorse is good, focusing on it doesn't help. What we have to do as it was explained to me, is clean up our mess, make amends to those we hurt and be the best people we can be today. You know, life is a gift not something owed to us like I always used to believe it was.
I think the O.P really has the right idea and I say thank you for sharing this.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
People who suffer from depression are often described as living in the past...regretting unwise and unfortunate choices, forever enslaved by memories of what brought them to the present moment. There's no sense in trying to make things better since my past demonstrates that things will always turn to $hit for me. My depression is proof that, despite my best efforts, there is nothing I can do to make things right in my life, so why bother? If I'd only done X instead of Y, A instead of B, my life wouldn't be such a mess. I'm hopeless, and knowing that changes nothing. No wonder people don't want to have anything to do with me.
For people who suffer from anxiety, the future replaces the present. What will (inevitably) happen will always turn out badly. My only defense against annihilation is to remain constantly vigilant about what is to come -- prepare for the apocalypse -- and my anxiety is a reliable signal that something bad is always about to happen. Virtually all psychic energy is devoted to avoiding disaster, through ritualistic behaviors (as in OCD), working tirelessly to control my environment, never venturing out from the apparent safety of my home/prison (as in panic disorder with agoraphobia), or constantly striving to achieve perfection, each of which is a constant drain on the present -- if not also on our very being -- and none of which provide the relief they promise. With PTSD there is an enduring reliving of the past, and a constant dread or indifference around the future.
In each case, life is never fully lived. It's an infinite loop in which we regret and ruminate about the past or dread the future, forever placing the present on the endangered species list, never settling on what's going on in the present in any meaningful way.
The more we adapt to these conditions in serviceable but unhealthy ways, the stronger the attachment to them becomes, and the more difficult it becomes to give them up or find a better way. Holding on to the fears we know rather than risking happiness. There are cases in which people "outgrow" these afflictions, but the losses prior to that process are often final and sometimes insurmountable. And they rarely just go away on their own. Our best chance for stepping out of the darkness is to seek professional help, but the people who actually need help are adept at constructing ways to avoid it, just one among several tactics that make up the overall strategy of
their unhealthy adaptations.
Whether it's alcoholism or any other debilitating condition, the thing to do is to act now, no matter how much we convince ourselves that we'll fail, that things won't work out, that I'm helpless to change. We're fond of borrowing heavily from Eastern philosophies that tell us that the journey is what's important, and it certainly is. But when we take our eyes off the destination, we're only wandering aimlessly.
Life awaits.
For people who suffer from anxiety, the future replaces the present. What will (inevitably) happen will always turn out badly. My only defense against annihilation is to remain constantly vigilant about what is to come -- prepare for the apocalypse -- and my anxiety is a reliable signal that something bad is always about to happen. Virtually all psychic energy is devoted to avoiding disaster, through ritualistic behaviors (as in OCD), working tirelessly to control my environment, never venturing out from the apparent safety of my home/prison (as in panic disorder with agoraphobia), or constantly striving to achieve perfection, each of which is a constant drain on the present -- if not also on our very being -- and none of which provide the relief they promise. With PTSD there is an enduring reliving of the past, and a constant dread or indifference around the future.
In each case, life is never fully lived. It's an infinite loop in which we regret and ruminate about the past or dread the future, forever placing the present on the endangered species list, never settling on what's going on in the present in any meaningful way.
The more we adapt to these conditions in serviceable but unhealthy ways, the stronger the attachment to them becomes, and the more difficult it becomes to give them up or find a better way. Holding on to the fears we know rather than risking happiness. There are cases in which people "outgrow" these afflictions, but the losses prior to that process are often final and sometimes insurmountable. And they rarely just go away on their own. Our best chance for stepping out of the darkness is to seek professional help, but the people who actually need help are adept at constructing ways to avoid it, just one among several tactics that make up the overall strategy of
their unhealthy adaptations.
Whether it's alcoholism or any other debilitating condition, the thing to do is to act now, no matter how much we convince ourselves that we'll fail, that things won't work out, that I'm helpless to change. We're fond of borrowing heavily from Eastern philosophies that tell us that the journey is what's important, and it certainly is. But when we take our eyes off the destination, we're only wandering aimlessly.
Life awaits.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 286
I have been diagnosed with depression, OCD, and suspect I also have PTSD. I was first diagnosed with depression when I was a pre teen, and OCD as a teen. OCD has been at times rather debilitating for me, as you described, constantly trying to control my enviornment. This has put great strain on my relationships and resulted in me being rather reclusive in most of my adult life. It made school extremely difficult and I ended up dropping out of highschool. Many of my obsessions manifest in organization, routine, and list making. The compultions result in cleaning, planning, and checking. Somehow I have managed to develope stratagies to deal with my OCD through cognitive behavior therapy, despite my addictions.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by Serotonin 
Somehow I have managed to develope stratagies to deal with my OCD through cognitive behavior therapy, despite my addictions.
I suffered from major depression for several years. With psychotherapy and the right medication, it's been under control for many more.
Keep up the good work.
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