Imabuleva

Though I often see people on these forums describing the effects of drinking on their relationships and using that as motivation to quit. It is a bit more different for me because the only person I hurt by drinking is myself.

I don't have any kids either. I know this sounds silly, but it is one of the things my AV uses to convince me that drinking is okay.

KateL

You owe it to yourself x

Inca

Thank your higher power that there wasn't someone in your life that had to go through the destruction and heartache of watching you deteriorate. I have seen what alcohol does to families, to my parents, to spouses, to children. It's not pretty. You've been very lucky. I am thankful for this everyday. I have hurt my parents, friends, coworkers, but no significant other or children. I'm very glad I didn't pull anyone else through the mud with me besides those I already have.

KateL

There would be no need to beat yourself up even if you did have significant others, you didn't ask to be contolled by alcohol. Anyway, I got the point you were making which wasn't that. I don't care much for all this self-beration. As I said, you owe it to yourself to keep away from the drink because you matter, and who knows one day you might meet someone. x

ClearMind

We can't quit drinking for other people anyway. In my experience, it doesn't last. We have to quit for ourselves, and we have to decide to quit ourselves. It's the most important thing we can ever do, in my opinion.

Dee74

I ended up alone and I used to think the only person I was hurting was myself too.

That wasn't actually true when you think of the responsibilities I ducked out on or postponed or the nights I ruined for friends or other people, but that's probably another thread....

Even if it was true and the only person I was hurting was myself, recovery has taught me I have value too.

I believe this is the only life we'll ever have Ima. Best to make the most of it, & us

D

ScottFromWI

Even those with significant others only get better when they decide to get sober for themselves anyway. Your AV will try every possible angle it can to get you to keep drinking, don't fall for it. You deserve better for yourself.

hypochondriac

I never had a significant other either and I always thought that my drinking only hurt me. But there were relationships I didn't nurture because of my addiction. Basically your addiction will use anything to justify your addiction. If you had a partner it would tell you it was okay to drink because they didn't mind. If they did mind it'd tell you that you may as well drink because they will leave you anyway, and if you are single you it'd tell you that you may as well drink because you'll never meet anyone... Just don't listen whatever it says!

I always felt very lucky to be able to do this while I was single. I have had relationships where my drinking got worse because of the emotional upheaval and trying to keep it secret, and I know that given that situation I would never have been able to get sober. This way I have been able to do it for myself with no one else to blame for my addiction and resentment free... x

mecanix

No one significant yet this century , no kids .

I thought the only person i was hurting was myself but in reality i was denying people and potential relationships and depriving myself of so much good in the world , you don't see it instantly the moment you quit it takes time . There is only one way to find out if i'm telling the truth , stick with sobriety and find out for yourself .

In my experience drinking takes you nowhere or even further down into the pits , even if there is a small chance that i'm telling the truth it might be worth investing a few years of your life finding out , the drink ain't going nowhere .

Bestwishes, m

Aiko

Dear Ima,

I understand you fully, I live on my own too.
and sometimes you feel just pointless getting sober...
You just want to forget...

but the thing is we will stay alone if we do not change!!!

and You have to make yourself happy...
NO ONE will make you happy but yourself.
Having a couple and kids is a plus if they are supportive and love you.
Your AV will always find and excuse for you to take...
married with 5 kids... and 8 grandchildren...

If you are lonely join a web page for meeting people you will be surprised how many lonely people are out there... not all are freaks...
No one is going to come out to knock to your door.

You will find someone
but you have to be well for when that right person comes along.
And in the meantime you find him... Why giving yourself a hard time...???
It will come you never know when-where... why waste upset your time today???

Only telling you of my own experience...
am I going to be upset in the meantime... NO

do not let your AV use it against you...
if you want to change this aspect of your life Do something about it...
Hope you understood me.

endlesspatience

I think it's easy when we're drinking to neglect to send invitations to other people except to come out to drink with us perhaps. And we're not at our best when we're drunk.

PurpleKnight

Yeah it's a crafty mind frame that one, having no kids or a significant other to hurt leads to the voice "go on, your not hurting anyone else, so why not?"

I went for years justifying drinking to myself that way!!

But even if it were true, and I don't think it now is, but if it was . . . hurting YOU is still too high a price to pay!!

Wastinglife

I am 37 now and single. The vast majority of my friends/peers in similar age were married by 30 and have at least 2 kids now. In the last 10 years, I ruined 2 relationships that may well have been potential marriages. Looking back, I was more committed to the booze than I was to either girl, so I am happy things didn't progress to marriage as divorce would have been certain. I have only to worry about me now as I work recovery.

Dan Dare

How I wish the regrets that I have from my past only involved me and me alone.
I was able to mend some things, but others I'll carry for the rest of my life.
I guess that's where the acceptance part comes in.

D.D.

Aellyce

Among many other things, one major area where drinking limited me was establishing and maintaining serious romantic relationships. I've always had 1-2 close friendships at a given time since I was in kindergarten... to date. I really like close intimate connections with one person or a select few, without boundaries.

However, alcohol has interfered with the romantic kind big time, since for those we should usually take more responsibility than "friends" in the classic sense of these words. It's because drinking has robbed me of self-esteem and being able to be there for a partner anytime when necessary, or even just when we would want it...
Yet another reason why I want to make changes in my life now.

But in general, I agree with the others above that a healthy life should be primarily for ourselves and our future, not for others. Once we have it, can share with others more intimately, I believe.