amber915

My boyfriend just got out of detox a few days ago and today I found him on the ground in my apartment. He says he had a seizure but I think he used again. I told him I can't take any more. I don't want to be with him any more but I feel like I can't leave him because he has no job, money or anyone to let him stay with them.help! What do I do?!

Taking5

If you are in the USA and he has been living there and can prove it (gets mail there, driver's license address, voting registration, etc.) then you can't legally kick him out, even if it is your house or the lease is in your name only. You have to legally evict him.

You could tell him to leave, and he may do it, but if he refuses those are the sad legal facts in the USA.

amber915

He does get his mail sent here because he told the courts he was homeless and this is a mailing address...last night I found him I my bathroom I'm sorry if I already wrote that I can't see my post when I'm writing... He said he must have passed out on the toilet but we both know he overdosed and I just can't take it anymore I've given this mad so many chances to get it together and he doesn't I need to happy at some point in my life I just don't know what to do

hopeful4

It is an apartment. If he won't go...you should. It is too much to handle. Get away now while you can.

KeepinItReal

Your smart for knowing that you should get him out.

We feel a need to save/rescue/help because it fills a void in us. Yet, that void isn't filled because we will never be appreciated. In fact... it's opposite. The less you do.. the more they appreciate. It's a sick twisted addicted world we CHOOSE to live in.

I'm right there. My AH is awaiting a long term 14 month program. I couldn't be happier that he's leaving soon. I HATE living with an addict. I also suffer from PTSD from all the BS he has put me through. I don't know why I keep giving him chance after chance but one reason could be is, is that i'm as addicted to him as he is to his DOC (drug of choice).

Relapse happens. If you choose to live this life.. it will keep happening. It is YOUR life and you get to choose when to get off the roller coaster or keep riding. Just do yourself a favor and don't believe anything he says when it comes to drugs. He will do anything to protect his addiction.

needingabreak

It sounds like you are coming to a decision. Living with an addict is horrible and the feeling of wanting to save them is always there....................but you can't. The more you enable, the longer it will take him to find recovery. He has to want to save himself. Time to take care of yourself. Are you renting? When is the lease up? You can either evict him legally or you may need to talk with your landlord about what you can do.

amber915

We actually live with my mom me and my mom are in the lease he is not so my mom definitely don't want to pack up and move because if him. He keeps telling me I'm all he has and if he can't stay here he'll be homeless. He knows exactly how to play me he knows I can't just kick him out to be homeless. Last night I suggested he went to a program but he said no he's not going again he's been to enough. My mom doesn't want him here either she told him he had to find somewhere else to go cause he's been using drugs in our house. I know he knows my mom won't let him be homeless either so he just ignored her when she says to get out.

Taking5

Amber-

Someone there needs to make him homeless. Otherwise things will continue as they are.

Hawkeye13

If you both won't change that thinking I'm afraid you've got an active addict who will be staying in your home, using drugs, and getting worse.

Get some backbone girl, talk with your mom, pack his things, and kick his lazy butt to the curb. Get his key and / or change the lock.

If you must, find the address of a temporary shelter and drop him there.

That's the choice you have to make. Not easy, but how will he ever clean up if you keep enabling him to use drugs with no consequences or hardships?

zoso77

Kick him out.

And as I type that, on the surface of it, that's a pretty hard line to take. But whose fault is it that he has no job and, subsequently, no money? It is incumbant on him to make better choices. Picking up after being in detox is a poor choice and not your fault. It's his. It's time he starts taking responsibility for his choices. And it's time you start looking after yourself instead of a sick person who (apparently) is unwilling to do the work to get better.

ZoSo

FeelingGreat

Hi Amber, you've said he knows that you won't kick him out, and neither will your mother, so where do you want to go from here?
If you are too soft-hearted to see him homeless, then he'll just stay on. Are you ready for that?
Kicking someone out who doesn't want to go consists of packing his things and changing the lock. As an addict he may not take it any further legally, but it would be a precaution to check out the local laws on-line.

Txhelp

Keeping him there will make you sick.

He is a grown man and can figure things out. Find a list of shelters and write down the address....include the number to a couple of rehabs and give it to him. He has his choices and it harming you and your mother shouldn't be one.

I know it's not easy. It hasn't been easy for me to kick out my kids and my husband but ultimately it's a wake-up call for them.

atalose

Gather all the phone #’s you can for homeless shelters, churches that offer programs for the homeless, the salvation army………and pack his stuff and hand him his suitcase with the phone #’s. Allow him to be an adult or are you and your mother babysitting him?

He put himself in this mess NOT YOU and certainly NOT YOUR MOTHER, allow him the dignity to face the consequences of his own choices and to grow up.

Do not allow the addict to hold you or your mother hostage in your own home.

hopeful4

If he is homeless it is his own fault. He can have help, he is stating he does not need or want it. He is thinking there is no way you have formed this boundary and will stick to it. If he is doing drugs in the home, call the police and explain that you want him out. Tell him in advance this is what you plan to do. I just bet he will hightail it out of there.

This involves not only you but your mom. To me it is a respect issue. Respect your own mother enough to do the right thing even if you think you are too weak to do so yourself. You can do this.

SeekingGrowth

Amber, I understand how difficult it is to throw someone you care about out of your home when he (allegedly) has nowhere else to go. You don't have to do that. If I were in your position, I would find a few sober living homes (SLE's, recovery residences) nearby, find out how much they cost - in Michigan, they are about $400-500 per month. To ease your own conscience (and your mom's), you might offer to pay the cost for him to stay at one of these for a month. And find the addresses of a few local homeless shelters. Then lay out the options for your boyfriend. Tell him that he has to leave, BUT you are willing to pay for him to stay at a sober living home for one month - after that, he'll have to pay himself. SLE's usually offer some assistance/support to their residents in the job search, so he should be able to get a job during the course of that month and pay his own way after that. If he doesn't like that option, give him the list of homeless shelters. And if he doesn't like that, then TOO BAD. He has to leave, and come up with his own options, then. Most likely he has some, by the way - although he has whined to you that he has "nowhere else to go." I've been where you are, and was a sucker for that line for awhile.

If you decide the SLE idea is a good one, let me give you a heads up - they usually give you a week-to-week option, where you pay by the week rather than the month. If they give you that option, then take it. Your boyfriend may very well not make it there for a week - they drug test and have rules and curfews, require you to stay clean, require that you go to AA/NA meetings, do chores, etc. If your boyfriend is not really interested in being clean, he'll probably wash out within the first week or two. At that point, it is no longer your problem.

Of course, it is not your problem now, but I totally get that you feel like it is, and you can't just throw him out on the street even though he's breaking the house rules, using in the house, and blowing chance after chance. I've BEEN there. It may be worth it to spend the money to buy him some time in a sober living home, just to get him out of your house while not throwing him out into the streets, and giving him another chance at recovery. It may or may not work for him (probably not), but will help YOU and your mom get free.