Now I'm getting death threats

Old 01-02-2014, 03:16 AM
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Now I'm getting death threats

I posted earlier this week that I was finally starting to turn a page and feel better. I found out my ex who called CPS was back to drugs a few weeks after gettign out of jail. His mother called me looking for him. The talk lasted one minute. I told her I hadn't seen him in awhile. She was under the impression that my ex and I were still together (because he's a massive liar). I also told her that he was taking pills again which I knew for a fact was true. The only reason I answered the phone is I got a new phone and not all my contacts transfered so I had no clue it was them. My ex had already been blocked.

Fast forward to New Years Eve. My daughter and I were spending time at home alone. I get a missed call from his dad. At this point I was starting to get really frustrated. Stupid me sent a text to his dad telling them to not contact me again and their son was a drug addict who needs help and to stay away from me and they are massive enablers. I know this was a stupid move on my part. I should have just ignored it. I texted my ex that his parents were looking for him. Stupid move again.

New Year's day I get a call from the ex from a new home phone and it's him just screaming at the top of his lungs, threatening me, saying the worse things imaginable, calling me all kinds of names. I took the block off and called him and he kept answering and hanging up, at one point told me if he saw me he would "slit my throat". I'm still shaking. Maybe the best thing I did was call him several times and when he answered I did record what he was screaming in the phone, calling me all kinds of names, etc. I even have several texts telling me he "wants me dead" and to "die" on and on. That he had no drugs in his system, that his mom told him I said he was doing cocaine (I have NO CLUE where this woman came up with that, I never said that), etc.

I was so freaked out yesterday that I started puking. I did call my family and one of them is staying at my house today and tomorrow and I will stay at their house over the weekend. This is so sick. My nerves are still shot from the entire CPS situation where there was a false claim made to them that I leave my daughter home alone. That investigation still has five more days until the 30 days is up. I know the CPS agent called and left him a message but the weird thing is she's called no one else, including my daughter's father and daycare provider. It's all making me think that it really was him that made the call to them to begin with. God knows in this anger and rage what he is really telling them. He had given me the password to his voicemail and I heard the message from the CPS agent.

I am so sick. I wanted no contact with these people. I've sinced blocked his parents numbers as well. I should have never sent those texts to begin with but I wanted them to leave me alone and I was angry and I let it get the best of me. I've been up all night thinking of the things that he was saying to me. I don't want a PPO, I dont' want any more legal or CPS issues. I just want them to all go away and leave me be! How much more can he really try and ruin my life. I can't believe how evil and vindictive this has all become. I believe my ex will do anything to try and ruin me. I believe that for the first time since I met him. The things he said were so vicious I will never forget them. This person has no remorse for anything he has done. He blames me for everything that has gone wrong in his life and now he wants me dead. This is so scary. Call me stupid but I never thought he would actually do this to me. Who knows what lengths this person will go to in order to take me down with him.
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Old 01-02-2014, 03:20 AM
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And I already know you will all say I should have NEVER responded to them and I agree that I should not have. My mom was disgusted when she came here that I even did that and she is right. If I could take it all back I would have never answered that call from his mother or even responded to his dad. I had just had it with this family. My mom is now worried sick. She believes he will not stop until he ruins my life with my daughter and tries to have me lose my job. He is that vindictive and god knows what he is capable of. I know for a fact he's on adderall and who knows what that does to your brain. I'm just soooooooooo scared right now and could use some support. I can't keep talking to my family about this. They are worried sick and getting really sick of this as well.
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Old 01-02-2014, 03:31 AM
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truthfully, i think you enjoy the drama you have created.
you never seem to consider your child's welfare.
you are still spying and listening in on his phone messages? why?
you are not done and you are responsible for a child....i hope you might step back and examine why you are so immature with parenting, why you need to keep feeding this interaction.
who cares what his parents know or think? you obviously.
maybe your daughter needs to spend some time in a stable environment with her father while you work through this?
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Old 01-02-2014, 03:39 AM
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Angel, if you have proof of the threats, please call the cops and take out a restraining order (or whatever they are called) against your ex. That will mean he can be arrested if he contacts you in any way, including through his parents. And you are obliged to stay out of contact with him, as you should do.
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Old 01-02-2014, 04:31 AM
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You said you don't want a restraining order but you do not have a choice! Here's a scarey thought....what's the one way he could destroy you? ...by going after your daughter!!! Think about that for a second. I would not waste another minute. Go right to the police and get a restraining order.
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Old 01-02-2014, 06:12 AM
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Get the restraining order, and get your ducks in a row about contacting these people.
I understand this is a difficult time for you and I don't want to critical. I'm sorry this is so scary
and I'd be scared too. Keeping a family member with you or moving home for bit may help.

The bottom line is you keep stirring a hot mess here and it is not in your daughter's best interest.
This is clearly not all about your addict. As Fandy points out, why do you keep participating?

I really hope all resolves well but suggest you get some counseling to look into the deeper issues here.

Best to you.
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Old 01-02-2014, 06:12 AM
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No Fandy I do not enjoy any of this. This is absolute insanity and I never imagined it would have gotten to this point. This person went from blowing up my phone after the CPS agent was called swearing I'm the best mother he's ever known, that he wanted to help fix this, etc. I told him then not to do anything. Then he chooses to do drugs, I admit it to his mother and all hell breaks loose. Did I expect for someone to tell me he would "slit my throat" if he saw me and kept texting me that he "wants me dead?" No. That is pure evil and vengefulness.

I'm torn about what to do because I am afraid of these people. Part of me wants to just let it go and let him be on his way. He has threatened me with the fact that his parents have alot more money than me and have several attorneys to use (which is true.) So he put the fear of god into me so that I don't retaliate against him. Part of me feels it will just get worse and more vengeful if I do file for the restraining order. The last thing I need is to have to show up in court, pay for an attorney and fight for this. I DO have the texts saved. It shows he told me he "wants me dead" more than once in the texts. I did record some of his messages but did not record him telling me he wants to "slit my throat." I wish I had that one. Part of the reason I don't want to do this is because I want the drama and vindictiveness to end. These people are capable of god knows what. I'm scared.

The other part of me feels as if I should do it because of all the reasons above..........he has threatened me and made up false stories to CPS. He has terrorized me. . . just to cover his drug problem and himself. He is going to court at the end of this month to fight two drug charges and I feel like he and his family would do anything in their power to take me down and make me look like the crazy one in order to save anything showing up on his record before his court date.

This is my dilemma. I get free legal advice through my work and am planning on calling an attorney today. I also did find that there is an online form I can fill out for a PPO instead of having to leave work to do it. I'm also going to call the police today and fill them in.
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Old 01-02-2014, 06:22 AM
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I want to tell you a story about a lady who lived here in the town I live in. She had triplets with a crazy man who made threats against her. You may have heard of them, this is national news. Here name was Jacque Waller. She was trying to leave her husband and although she took the threats seriously (had a journal and had told several if she is found dead he is the one who did it), this one day he seemed normal. He told her he would give her a divorce. He said they would work out custody. He later drug her off and killed her.

I am telling you this because I can hear you say he makes threats one second then the next tells you what a great mom you are. That is just what this crazy man did. She was a great mom. Now she is dead. He is in jail.

Please protect yourself and your child at all costs. Do not speak with him anymore or his family, it is making everything worse. Accept what it is, file for protection and move on. Get a security alarm on your home and tell no one except YOUR immediate family how to get it.

Please stay safe.
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Old 01-02-2014, 07:30 AM
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I understand your fear. what i don't understand is why you feel you should be dialing his voicemail to listen to his personal messages....This says that you still want to keep some form of contact, knowing him. Getting involved with his business.
then you cry wolf.

If you were truly done you would stop texting these people to defend yourself, giving them information and block ALL THE FAMILY numbers permanently or CHANGE yours. yet you keep interacting and then trying to explain your "reasoning".

like someone above said, you keep jumping back in, why?
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Old 01-02-2014, 07:51 AM
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I was threatened several weeks back and went back and forth on whether to call police.I ended up going the afternoon after. I am so glad I did. You need to go to the police station and file a complaint immediately. You have a daughter who needs to have a mother who is not involved in this terrible mess. Make the complaint and get a restraining order THEN move on with your life and forget these people even exist. Who gives a sh** about his parents attorneys? You have proof of his threats. No attorney can undo that. Stop the madness and get the ball rolling. You are putting yourself and your daughter's life in danger.
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Old 01-02-2014, 08:16 AM
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I did block all their numbers, including his parents home and cell phones. I also just spoke to the chief of police in my city. He told me to call them when I get home tonight and they will send an officer to my house so I can file a formal police report. I will let the officer see my texts and listen to the messages so it is all documented after my daughter is in bed. That's step one. Step two would be the PPO. I spoke to two attorneys that said they are sure I could get a PPO. I'm sure he would try and fight it but who cares. Like needingabreak said, who gives a sh--t i have all the proof in my phone. Unfortunately I found I do have to go downtown which is an hour away from my work so I'm hoping I can get down there tomorrow. I do have an appt with my therapist tomorrow as well, thank God.
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Old 01-02-2014, 08:27 AM
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Hi Angel;

I'm really glad to hear you are taking action on this.

I truly hope he leaves you alone.
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Old 01-02-2014, 08:29 AM
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[QUOTE=Fandy;4382459]truthfully, i think you enjoy the drama you have created.

I agree. I was told at a Families Anonymous meeting by an older women that co-dependents frequently enjoy the drama created by the addict. I suppose it is just that one gets use to it.
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Old 01-02-2014, 08:33 AM
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I dont think you enjoy the drama Angel...more like become so accustomed to it that it is hard to let it go. I understand this on some level. When my life does have some peace in it I almost don't know what to do with myself. Time to work on me.

I am glad you are taking steps to protect yourself. Keep proof that he has these upcoming court cases in drug court because if he wins them they will dissappear from the system. Keep evidence in case that happens.

Good Luck and God Bless.
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Old 01-02-2014, 09:05 AM
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I spoke to two attorneys that said they are sure I could get a PPO. I'm sure he would try and fight it but who cares. Like needingabreak said, who gives a sh--t i have all the proof in my phone.
Often....if they try to "fight it" it just provides the judge with more reason to grant it. Most judges grant restraining orders without much hassle. They don't want to be on the hook for not granting a restraining order for someone who later winds up dead. If you have proof of death threats......a judge should grant it.....no problem.

However, restraining orders don't do diddly if you allow contact to happen after the restraining order is in place. This is the area that we see most people really showing their true colors. The restrainee contacts the restrainer and nothing has changed--contact is permitted and goes unreported. And on it goes. If you're going to take the time to file a restraining order, I hope you have the courage to call the police if it is violated. Could he wind up in jail for violating it? Absolutely. Please be "ok" with that and hold up your end of the restraining order by reporting violations without guilt....particularly if he shows up at your home. Don't open the door, don't engage, call 911 and get the cops there ASAP. Period.

gentle hugs
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Old 01-02-2014, 09:15 AM
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Amen to all KE has said!
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Old 01-02-2014, 10:03 AM
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I get a missed call from his dad. At this point I was starting to get really frustrated. Stupid me sent a text to his dad telling them to not contact me again and their son was a drug addict who needs help and to stay away from me and they are massive enablers. I know this was a stupid move on my part. I should have just ignored it. I texted my ex that his parents were looking for him. Stupid move again.

New Year's day I get a call from the ex from a new home phone and it's him just screaming at the top of his lungs, threatening me, saying the worse things imaginable, calling me all kinds of names. I took the block off and called him and he kept answering and hanging up, at one point told me if he saw me he would "slit my throat". I'm still shaking. Maybe the best thing I did was call him several times and when he answered I did record what he was screaming in the phone, calling me all kinds of names, etc. I even have several texts telling me he "wants me dead" and to "die" on and on. That he had no drugs in his system, that his mom told him I said he was doing cocaine (I have NO CLUE where this woman came up with that, I never said that), etc.
Angel read this part again and see your part in what is happening...and I am NOT saying you are to blame nor am I trying to be mean, I say this all with love in my heart. You use the word "I" at least 14 times.

What if it read....His dad called and I missed the call. If it was important I know he would have called back. (this is where you don't call back or do anything at all).

You call several times after he called and raged and when he doesn't answer you continue to call...and he answers and rages. What if you just didn't call him at all?

Sweetie, it takes two to tango and you do not have to participate in his insanity. To participate makes you part of the problem, to step back and leave him and his family alone..and don't answer their calls...makes you part of the solution.

Get a court order to keep him away and that he cannot contact you...only IF YOU are prepared to stay away from him and stop contacting him. Otherwise it is pointless and won't hold water if he comes after you.

You can keep the drama going, or you can step back and say "enough" and mean it...it's entirely up to you.

Let go girl, find your peace. You'll be glad you did.

Hugs
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Old 01-02-2014, 10:45 AM
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When I first came here, I saw this question constantly: "what are you getting out of it?"

"It" being the relationship and interaction, no matter how ugly and with whom.

It took way too much high drama anxiety ridden interactions with my RAD, to understand that question and answer. That's when I began to really understand what all codependency entails.

I think some people consciously enjoy the craziness but I believe the majority do not.

It all starts out the same, though, deep inside our brains. The very sound of a voice 2-3 octaves higher and several decibels louder get our adrenaline going. Our primal fight or flight instinct is unconsciously engaged. Experience it often enough and we'll get hooked on the adrenaline rush. That stimulates endorphin production and the cycle goes round and round. It's the hormonal chemical component of battered wife syndrome.

Breaking the cycle is difficult but it can be done. For me, it meant getting physically busy and redirecting/redistributing the adrenaline and endorphins. Whether going for a walk, riding my bike, washing dishes by hand, jumping in the lake or dancing on my deck.... anything that didn't involve human drama.

The worst part of all that, is that others emotionally and physically close to us tend to mirror our behavior. Birds of a feather flock together.

I believe that you want to change, you want to stop the madness. Besides protecting your daughter from these unstable people, please remember that eventually she'll learn what she lives. Make sure it's emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically healthy. She's watching you.
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Old 01-02-2014, 12:11 PM
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Having lived in a chaotic alcoholic household as a child, and again during my 20 year marriage to my now XAH, I realized something profound when I left my AH and lived on my own.

It was the ABSENCE of strife, of yelling, of dysfunction, of demands, of emotional turmoil, the ABSENCE OF CHAOS.

It had become so much the usual background noise of my life, that I wasn't really aware of it until I left it and there was just silence. And peace.

So Angel, please realize that if you disconnect from contact with these people, you will disable the "CHAOS MACHINE" that is whipping you all back and forth into insanity.

It's funny, now that I look back to my hugely dysfunctional Family Of Origin (FOO). One of their favorite phrases was "don't poke sticks into his cage".

To recognize that you are IN chaos, you need to take a leap of faith and detach from all contact so there is no way the chaos can reach you. AFTER you do that, then you will recognize better where you are currently stuck.

Good luck, keep posting, we are here for you.

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Old 01-02-2014, 01:15 PM
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Angel I hope you reread Ann's post over and over. Only YOU can break this cycle. There is no reason for you to have any communication with this man or his family. If you truly want him and the chaos he brings out of your life then you will make the necessary steps to get that done. Sometimes being so wrapped up in it all we cannot see how our own behaviors add to the problem. Take a step back and ask yourself how you can break this cycle once and for all. You hold the key. Please understand the people here posting do so with great care for your well being and want what is best for you.
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