help!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1
help!
Hi,
I am currently seeking help for an issue at group level service. We are just establishing a meeting and trying to set up the group traditions. We have ecountered a person of whom frequents the meeting who uses predjuctice, racial abuse towards other members of the meetings. What can we do to inforce something within the rigidity of the group traditions? We obviously cannot tell her to leave however we are stuck for ideas.
Thank You
John
I am currently seeking help for an issue at group level service. We are just establishing a meeting and trying to set up the group traditions. We have ecountered a person of whom frequents the meeting who uses predjuctice, racial abuse towards other members of the meetings. What can we do to inforce something within the rigidity of the group traditions? We obviously cannot tell her to leave however we are stuck for ideas.
Thank You
John
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Can you each speak up when she says something like that and say, one by one, that you object to what she is saying and that it is not helpful.
If each of you, or at least some of you, spoke up every time she did it, she would either moderate her comments or stop coming.
Just an idea.
If each of you, or at least some of you, spoke up every time she did it, she would either moderate her comments or stop coming.
Just an idea.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Why can't she be asked to leave?
I am thinking of starting a meeting group where I live, and I would suspend that person's speaking privileges for the rest of the meeting and then privately ask that person to not come back. People use meetings to try to get sober and stay sober. One ignorant person can't be allowed to wreck that for everyone else.
What am I missing? Do people have some type of legal right to be at any self-improvement meeting they want? Even if they are verbally assaulting other attendees and inciting violence?
I am thinking of starting a meeting group where I live, and I would suspend that person's speaking privileges for the rest of the meeting and then privately ask that person to not come back. People use meetings to try to get sober and stay sober. One ignorant person can't be allowed to wreck that for everyone else.
What am I missing? Do people have some type of legal right to be at any self-improvement meeting they want? Even if they are verbally assaulting other attendees and inciting violence?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 411
This is a tough one, but a good port of call is the AA traditions. Tradition three is key here, and if the person you refer has a desire to stop drinking, what is to be done?! It's worth having a read of in any case as it's helpful in seeing where your own or the group's thinking is at.
Can really identify too. I attend a group which is very strong, but has one member whom lots of us find very difficult to listen to...there are lots of closed eyes (myself included) when he shares. But, he has a desire to stop drinking, so if I'm finding him difficult, then maybe it's good for tolerance! And there are no doubt times too, when I've been difficult to be around in meetings. There is a difference perhaps in someone who is clearly very unwell and have little or no insight into the impact they have, and someone who is unwell in a way that seems to be more about being disruptive. Sometimes that is hard to call, and it is perhaps the consensus of the group that will help decide the right action to take. I have certainly seen, although rarely, a member who is being openly disruptive being asked to leave, but always with the accompaniment of sober members who are willing to go outside with them to talk. That last bit is important, as it's in the spirit of tradition three.
In setting up your new meeting, have you had support from your GSO, and got the guidance on running meetings? This in addition to the traditions can be very helpful. You could for example (damage limitation!) agree as a group that sharing is limited to five minutes per member, and that way, there will be more of a balance of sharing, and who knows, this member may begin to see there is a different way to express themselves. This is partly what AA does for all of us.
Final thing!! Do you, or other members in your group have sobriety over two years? This is not to minimise those under two years (far from it! It's awesome!) its only to make use of the experience of those in the group who may have dealt with situations like this before, and could perhaps help you through?
Good luck, hope it works out
Can really identify too. I attend a group which is very strong, but has one member whom lots of us find very difficult to listen to...there are lots of closed eyes (myself included) when he shares. But, he has a desire to stop drinking, so if I'm finding him difficult, then maybe it's good for tolerance! And there are no doubt times too, when I've been difficult to be around in meetings. There is a difference perhaps in someone who is clearly very unwell and have little or no insight into the impact they have, and someone who is unwell in a way that seems to be more about being disruptive. Sometimes that is hard to call, and it is perhaps the consensus of the group that will help decide the right action to take. I have certainly seen, although rarely, a member who is being openly disruptive being asked to leave, but always with the accompaniment of sober members who are willing to go outside with them to talk. That last bit is important, as it's in the spirit of tradition three.
In setting up your new meeting, have you had support from your GSO, and got the guidance on running meetings? This in addition to the traditions can be very helpful. You could for example (damage limitation!) agree as a group that sharing is limited to five minutes per member, and that way, there will be more of a balance of sharing, and who knows, this member may begin to see there is a different way to express themselves. This is partly what AA does for all of us.
Final thing!! Do you, or other members in your group have sobriety over two years? This is not to minimise those under two years (far from it! It's awesome!) its only to make use of the experience of those in the group who may have dealt with situations like this before, and could perhaps help you through?
Good luck, hope it works out
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,937
How about just say something every time something off color is said. "That's not appropriate"." Don't say that here". Your choice. Don't wait for someone else to step up. Yes it's awkward. yes it may get heated. so what. that is your meeting not your toilet. Don't let people continue to treat it like a toilet.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 559
we have a bit in the preamble stating that abusive behaviour will not be tolerated. like sugarbear said, have a group conscience and add a statement saying racist language and ideals will not be acceptable and people may be asked to leave.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
