CallMeButch

I'm returning to AA after a 9 month hiatus/relapse and have a few questions. I feel like I never got the true AA experience and want to make a solid effort at it this time. So, here goes nothing.

I'm guessing there isn't a straight forward answer to this but who knows: How do I get a sponsor in AA? Should I wait for someone to actively take an interest in me as a sponsee? Or should I actively seek out a sponsor? I've been told by others to go to meetings to watch and listen carefully. Take a month or two or three. Honestly, I have a particular person (long-term recovered addict) in mind that I would like to be my sponsor but I feel weird approaching her about it. There are no rules about pairing sponsor/sponsee relationships since the meetings I go to are primarily GLBTQ people. I'm just the type of person that does not like to ask for help. So seeking out a sponsor feels very out of place for me. I probably just need to get over it. Let me know what you think.

Holding hands at meetings: I'm very protective of my personal space (I have PTSD) and I don't like to feel forced to touch anyone for any reason. In fact, it can set me into a flashback when I'm really tense (which I am at meetings). I feel in order to get more out of meetings I need to be more authentic about this until I become more comfortable around others at meetings. Any ways to politely (and unnoticed) to get around this at meetings?

Thanks,

Butch

Jeni26

Hello and welcome to SR and the 12 step forum. I live in the UK, and I'm not sure if there are differences between here and the US, but here we would approach someone who we think would be a good sponsor. At some meetings, potential sponsors are asked to identify themselves by raising their hands, but more usually we would need to make that first move. If you have already identified someone, then I would ask them before or after a meeting if they would be able to do that.

I was a bit nervous about doing this, but looking back I can see no reason for me to be so. After all, carrying the message to the still suffering alcoholic is part of our step work, and a really important one too. By sponsoring, alcoholics are not only helping you, but also themselves.

I wouldn't wait too long. I made that mistake, and I relapsed. The meetings weren't enough to keep me sober.

Wishing you well. Let us know how you get on

mfanch

I did not have a month or two or three. I needed a solution and I needed it NOW.

I raised my hand in the meeting and said, "I am new and I need a sponsor NOW. Please see me after the meeting. Thank you." Several women came up to me after and I got their numbers. After a couple phone conversations, I found one.

As for holding hands, there are many who choose not to. Two weeks ago I was next to such a man and he simply said, "I don't hold hands." That was it. So we didn't. NO big deal AT ALL.

Glad you are here.

CallMeButch

Thanks to you both Jeni26 and mfanch. I will definitely let it be know at my next meeting that I need a sponsor after the meeting. And just let it be know I'm not the handsy/huggy type, with a smile of course. Hopefully I can make it to a meeting tomorrow or Wednesday since I'm starting my sobriety today. Thanks for the well wishes!

Music

I was in the military when I got sober in Norfolk, Va. I got transferred to Great Lakes, Il. and was told to get a sponsor when I got settled here. I went to a meeting one night and heard a guy talk. I saw and heard spirituality in him so after the meeting I asked him to be my sponsor. I'd never met him prior. He died a couple years ago after being my sponsor for well over 30 years. The people who told you to watch and listen are right on but it doesn't hurt to pray to your HP and ask for guidance.

I was in the navy for 25 years and did a lot of traveling to different countries, some of which I wasn't familiar with and couldn't speak the language. The first thing I did was to ask questions from someone who knew their way around and could speak English so he could interpret for me. This is the way I think about a sponsor in AA. AA has it's own lingo and meanings for certain terms we hear at meetings all the time. Finding meetings can sometimes be a problem as well. So, find someone who has what you want and ask questions. You'll get help and the person who sponsors you will gain from the experience by staying sober. Don't wait too long.

muvinon

I asked someone if she had experienced the 12 steps. She said yes. I asked if she would help me work the step. She said yes.

As I worked the steps, I learned more about her personally. We were and are a very good fit. The relationship worked out.

But I was fully prepared for it not to. There's no divorce court in AA. But it helps others to help others. Win-win on this deal.

Just step out of the room when it comes time to join in the circle. God doesn't care if you pray outside the room.

Db1105

AAWS has a pamphlet 'Questions and Answers on Sponsorship' which is a great
Guide. It can be found at http://aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf