mother of 2 addicted daughters
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 2
mother of 2 addicted daughters
Hello All,
I'm a mom of 4 adult children.. 2 are addicts
31 oldest daughter, cocaine, prescription drugs 3 years that I know of.
30 middle daughter, weed, cocaine, acid, crack, meth, heroin and prescription drugs 10 years or more.. she also has hepatitis c now.
I joined hopeing to connected with other parents who can help me understand the roller coaster of emotions Ive been going through with my anger,bitterness, pain, guilt and self blame etc... I have chose to walk away from my 2 addicted daughters recently. but, it doesn't release me from all of the emotions I deal with day to day.
I have spent most of my time in denial over the years and the other half blaming myself. thanks for listerning
I'm a mom of 4 adult children.. 2 are addicts
31 oldest daughter, cocaine, prescription drugs 3 years that I know of.
30 middle daughter, weed, cocaine, acid, crack, meth, heroin and prescription drugs 10 years or more.. she also has hepatitis c now.
I joined hopeing to connected with other parents who can help me understand the roller coaster of emotions Ive been going through with my anger,bitterness, pain, guilt and self blame etc... I have chose to walk away from my 2 addicted daughters recently. but, it doesn't release me from all of the emotions I deal with day to day.
I have spent most of my time in denial over the years and the other half blaming myself. thanks for listerning
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Hello Deb6: Welcome to SR. You are not alone, and I am sure there will be others coming along soon who will be able to share their ESH (Experience, Strength, Hope) that will be able to comfort you in some way.
So keep coming back! May I suggest that you read the information that is available here on SR to educate yourself on your situation. Also, I highly suggest an Al-Anon or Naranon meeting in your area to go to - there is something about being in a room with real humans that brings about great healing.
Your situation did not get you here overnight. The answers will not come to you overnight. Your situation will not improve quickly - at least as quick as you would like, I am sure. But there are answers for you here - answers that benefit not only yourself but your entire family (including the addicts, whether they choose to continue using or not).
Again, welcome!
So keep coming back! May I suggest that you read the information that is available here on SR to educate yourself on your situation. Also, I highly suggest an Al-Anon or Naranon meeting in your area to go to - there is something about being in a room with real humans that brings about great healing.
Your situation did not get you here overnight. The answers will not come to you overnight. Your situation will not improve quickly - at least as quick as you would like, I am sure. But there are answers for you here - answers that benefit not only yourself but your entire family (including the addicts, whether they choose to continue using or not).
Again, welcome!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Hi and welcome to SR. Unfortunately there are many many parents here on SR who can relate to your experiences with your adult daughters.
I think the anger, bitterness, pain, guilt and self blame are pretty common emotions for a parent of an addict. Add to that resentment, frustration, feelings of failure, and overwhelming sadness. I think that pretty well sums it up.
The good news? We don't have to stay trapped in those feelings. There are many places (SR is one) to find support and lots of tools to help us find relief from that onslaught of negative thought processes.
Stick around......it's been a little quiet around here through the holidays. But there are many mothers who understand. And many of us have learned how to lead joyful, productive, full lives whether our addicted children continue to use or not.
You are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke
I think the anger, bitterness, pain, guilt and self blame are pretty common emotions for a parent of an addict. Add to that resentment, frustration, feelings of failure, and overwhelming sadness. I think that pretty well sums it up.
The good news? We don't have to stay trapped in those feelings. There are many places (SR is one) to find support and lots of tools to help us find relief from that onslaught of negative thought processes.
Stick around......it's been a little quiet around here through the holidays. But there are many mothers who understand. And many of us have learned how to lead joyful, productive, full lives whether our addicted children continue to use or not.
You are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Welcome! So glad you came here for support. There is support here and elsewhere that the others have mentioned. It's a long road for a mother to get to a point to where you disconnect from your children. Not easy...never will be. We are all at different places in dealing with her loved ones and their addictions.
Glad that you here.
Glad that you here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 2
Thank you so much for responding... yes, I have looked into some nar-anon meeting in my area but, haven't went yet. I will keep coming back.. the post here seem to help a lot. once again, thanks for listening
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Hi Deb and welcome;
I am sorry you are dealing with such a difficult situation and hope that you can find
a nar-anon meeting close and keep posting with us. The stickys at the top of the page have lots of helpful information as well.
Best to you and your family.
I am sorry you are dealing with such a difficult situation and hope that you can find
a nar-anon meeting close and keep posting with us. The stickys at the top of the page have lots of helpful information as well.
Best to you and your family.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
keep reading, this place saved my sanity.
The guilt and the self blame can be left at the door. You had absolutely no hand in the choice they made. The pain, anger and bitterness well this room can sure help you with that.
I'm the mother of a recovering heroin addict. and a recently found out Percocet addict (he hasn't admitted it yet but what can I do?!)
Reading everyones story will help you realize you are not alone in this. We all share the roller coaster of emotions that go along with addiction.
Number one is to take care of yourself. I never felt as though I had the right to share things on here but the more I shared the more my head cleared and helped me to see what I had to do for me. it sounds vague I'm sure but just read and share, you'll see.
my thoughts and prayers
The guilt and the self blame can be left at the door. You had absolutely no hand in the choice they made. The pain, anger and bitterness well this room can sure help you with that.
I'm the mother of a recovering heroin addict. and a recently found out Percocet addict (he hasn't admitted it yet but what can I do?!)
Reading everyones story will help you realize you are not alone in this. We all share the roller coaster of emotions that go along with addiction.
Number one is to take care of yourself. I never felt as though I had the right to share things on here but the more I shared the more my head cleared and helped me to see what I had to do for me. it sounds vague I'm sure but just read and share, you'll see.
my thoughts and prayers
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: The Middle Distance
Posts: 197
Another mother here. You have certainly come to the right place for healthy input and loving compassion. I have received so much support and good energy here. Many of the things I have read here have led to other avenues of support also...stickies, quotes, authors, 12 step groups, etc...
I am sorry that you have to go through the torture of loving an addict(s) but please know that you are not alone. None of us are alone. There is a "sticky" at the top of this page called "Let Go of The Pain". I read it a lot and it pretty much sums up the support I have received here...
Wishing you peace for today-PT
I am sorry that you have to go through the torture of loving an addict(s) but please know that you are not alone. None of us are alone. There is a "sticky" at the top of this page called "Let Go of The Pain". I read it a lot and it pretty much sums up the support I have received here...
Wishing you peace for today-PT
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Hello Deb and welcome, I too have a son who was active using heroin and meth and was for nearly three years. After jail time and inpatient rehab, he has been sober nearing 11 months. This site and faith are the two things that truly helped me in my darkest hour. I found peace, support, love and understanding from all of the other parents who have dealt with an addicted child. All I can say is letting go gave me freedom and cleared my vision. I came to realize I also had a role to play as the enabler and that was really what drove my actions. I am still dealing /learning how to stop enabling even now with son in recovery. Sending you warm hugs and support
Teresa
Teresa
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Hi Deb and welcome to the club no one wants to be a part of. This is, however, a very caring and compassionate group of people who fully understand all the feelings you speak of. I have a 30 year old son who completed 30 days of rehab and 30 of sober living in September. He was addicted to opiates. Having a child who is an addict is one of the hardest things I think I will ever go through. I know your pain, sadness and anger well. I think we all do.
The most important things I have learned here from everyone is to let go and let God and take care of myself. I have learned I am not to blame and I cannot control his behavior. Coming from a major codependent who likes to control things and make everything ok, letting go has allowed me to let HIM make his own choices and suffer whatever consequences may come. Yes, that has been very hard for me to do but in order for lour children to get better, they must fall so they can get back up. Cushioning their fall only holds up their potential progress. Know that there are many here for you, to support you and give great suggestions on how to help yourself. Hugs.
The most important things I have learned here from everyone is to let go and let God and take care of myself. I have learned I am not to blame and I cannot control his behavior. Coming from a major codependent who likes to control things and make everything ok, letting go has allowed me to let HIM make his own choices and suffer whatever consequences may come. Yes, that has been very hard for me to do but in order for lour children to get better, they must fall so they can get back up. Cushioning their fall only holds up their potential progress. Know that there are many here for you, to support you and give great suggestions on how to help yourself. Hugs.
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