TempeBrenn

I need to share.

Tempe,

OK,

You are an alcoholic! There is no getting around that any more. You cannot moderate. You are making your family unnecessarily worried about you and you are harming yourself physically and emotionally.

You hate yourself, you think you are a bad person, you have to teach a class in an hour and are hung over. You will probably puke.

You are too old for this. You know better. You've done this before, vowed to quit then think you can have just one and end up drinking the whole bottle. There was absolutely no reason to drink last night. Christmas. Drinking wine while on the phone like it was water. Mindlessness. Not mindful. Slurring your words. Embarrassing. It was a perfect Christmas up until you thought : one glass of wine while catching up with family and friends on the phone. Then it became dialing under the influence. I hate that. And now you're feeling not just sick, but sorry for your self. Pity party.

God, I don't want to be sick, scared, anxious anymore. Please help me. I've got to change my attitude if I want to change. I've got to do something different. Or else this will keep happening and I will die sooner than later.

Please, Tempe. do this for us. AA didn't work for us. I couldn't go to the meetings. Too small of a town. We need to get a sponsor from AASerenity online.

But..

You stopped for 7 months 3 years ago. Cold turkey. Because you promised your psychiatrist you would and you couldn't go back on your word.

You can do this again. You have to. I don't like living this way. I don't like feeling this way. Bad about myself. Guilty.

Please quit. Sobriety will give you every thing alcohol promised.

I love you, I really do, so please quit for both of us.

Tempe

Dee74

Powerful stuff Tempe.

I'm really rooting for you to make this the time when you turn your life around

D

Mags1

Hi Tempe

Take care, I love your afterthought.

Live Simply, Love Generously, Care Deeply, Speak Kindly, Leave the rest to GOD, amen.

DoubleDragons

Tempe, I know you can do this. Having the unconflicted desire to quit is what helps the most. You can do this. Don't leave our October group!!! xo

Thepatman

Wow. That was from you and you only.

Any other thoughts not aligned with what you wrote, are coming directly from your AV. Little things like, come in just this time no one will know, come from it. If you are religious, see it as Satan tempting you.

Inca

Hi- I feel like my heart is broken and inspired at the same time. I know what it's like to want to stop so badly and to keep letting myself down. You've been successful at stopping before, you can do it again.

What do you need to do differently? What's missing that you can incorporate into your life right now to help you stop? I vote for getting that sponsor, today. You can do this!!!

PurpleKnight

Great post!! . . . and you CAN do this!!

KateL

Yes you can do this x

simplex

Best of luck!

girlsearching

Tempe, your letter could be all of us to us. Please know you are not alone. I'm only on day 31 but feeling so much better. The first week was the worse, but gets better each day. Holidays were a little rough, but I made it through Christmas and I KNOW I'll get through New Year's. The only thing that is working for me right now is I tell myself that by drinking, I am drinking poison and it will kill my body. That thought makes the buzz seem unnecessary. I hope I can keep this mindset, but so far this is working for me. And all the support on SR. You can do this.

Mizzuno

Tempe. If I go through my journals, this letter has been written by me so so many times. The never ending madness that is active alcoholism. The fight to try to keep your drinking at a minimum. It never works and we are left with a pile of shame in the morning. Its terrible and downright miserable.
If I can get sober and remain sober, you can do this. You have done it before. We are here for you.

Carlotta

Hi Tempe, don't forget to sign up at the 24 hours club http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4368384
Also, maybe it's time for you to add more tools to your tool belt. What are you doing for your recovery right now?

TempeBrenn

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. Just googled celebrate recovery and watched Home Run. I'm in to put this addiction to its final rest.
Think I have my sponsor and am ready for some hard work ahead of me.
Not sure if I'll tell husband yet, because I've told him I was quitting and then didn't after awhile. Hopefully my actions will speak for me.

God's Peace to you all

Junegirl

Good to see you here again, TempeBrenn, my dear Junester. Let's do this. I'm cheering for us!!


Junegirl

TempeBrenn

Just reread my letter to myself. I'm feeling all those same thoughts now, as I got drunk yesterday and am in the throes of the hangover from h--l. No reason to drink, just one little glass led to lots of bigger ones, without much food.....that was always my excuse....I just didn't eat enough.....never that I'm an alcoholic and drink too much.

Now, of course, I've been up all night, panicky, nauseous, reading SR, as if by reading the hangover will go away and I will feel better.

It hasn't and I don't.
I'm not a big poster here. Maybe I should be.

What am I going to do differently? Not sure yet. But I have to do something. This is going to kill me if I don't. I need to follow thru with urge surfing, is that the right term? Also think that first drink thru to its ultimate conclusion....Despair, doom, certain death.

I need to remember how I'm feeling now, if/when I get complacent in the future.

And this feeling is far worse than the pleasure from a phenomenal Chardonnay.
I feel so much more alive, awake, energized without the poisons of alcohol in my body. That's all a good Chardonnay is anyway, alcohol.

Think I'm going to try to get some sleep.

If anyone has read this, thanks for listening.

Waterfalls2014

Hi Tempe, hang in there. Get some rest and come back ok. Posting more often couldn't hurt. It's a way to get things off your chest. I know the feeling of slipping and that ultimate doom that comes with it. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe it's time to change up the plan? Best wishes to you!

TempeBrenn

Thanks Whyme. Can't stop crying long enough to formulate a new plan right yet. I know I must.

Dee74

I'm glad you're back TempeBrenn - getting up again to fight some more is half the battle

I believe you can do this

D

TempeBrenn

Thanks Dee. I really want to be healthy again. Sometimes I feel so alone. Isn't that one of the triggers in HALT.
Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
The only one that I don't get is Angry. But I certainly need to another way to deal with the remaining three.

Wish I could fall asleep. Been up on SR all night.

charleesavedme

Hey Tempe - I don't have much advice since I'm only 2 1/2 months sober, but I know that what's working for me this time is a very big commitment to recovery, to moving forward, and to accepting that I'm not a "normie" and no amount of wishing will turn me into one. That first glass will never be just one glass. I finally like myself again and I'm not going back.

I know you can do this and make it stick. I'm in your corner, cheering for you!