6 months......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 26
6 months......
And no change. I first came to this board after a nasty binge right after Christmas. Here it is six months later, and I've made no progress in getting sober.
I guess that's not strictly true. I at least now know I have a problem. I went to half a dozen AA meetings. Didn't really feel like I connected with anyone. Actually, more to the point, I took on an elitist attitude by convincing myself of the inevitable lie of "I'm not that bad, I still have 'control'".
yeah... right.
I managed to put together four whole days of no drinking at one point. Of course, that just bolstered my confidence that I don't have a problem. I read the BB twice through. Then I read the personal stories at least twice again, some more than that. Once again, I kept looking for all of the ways I'm not like these people.
I'll get to the point of this diatribe. I've realized something over the last six months. I can't quit this on my own. I live on my own, largely due to my drinking. I don't have family nearby, nor do I have any real base of friends in the area. Am I making excuses? Of course.
I want to go into rehab. My real question is how do I tell my boss that I need to take four weeks off? Our director of H.R., who I was pretty tight with (irony, I know), just left the company.
I woke up this morning and realized I was afraid of getting out of bed. I have the 'luxury' of working from home today. Unfortunately, I knew that if I got out of bed, I would start drinking. I know that I am slipping further and further down this slope, and I just want out. I know I haven't reached my bottom yet, but as they say, bottom is when you stop digging. The problem is my shovel is on auto-pilot now.
Thanks for listening. It's great to come back here and read words of encouragement.
I guess that's not strictly true. I at least now know I have a problem. I went to half a dozen AA meetings. Didn't really feel like I connected with anyone. Actually, more to the point, I took on an elitist attitude by convincing myself of the inevitable lie of "I'm not that bad, I still have 'control'".
yeah... right.
I managed to put together four whole days of no drinking at one point. Of course, that just bolstered my confidence that I don't have a problem. I read the BB twice through. Then I read the personal stories at least twice again, some more than that. Once again, I kept looking for all of the ways I'm not like these people.
I'll get to the point of this diatribe. I've realized something over the last six months. I can't quit this on my own. I live on my own, largely due to my drinking. I don't have family nearby, nor do I have any real base of friends in the area. Am I making excuses? Of course.
I want to go into rehab. My real question is how do I tell my boss that I need to take four weeks off? Our director of H.R., who I was pretty tight with (irony, I know), just left the company.
I woke up this morning and realized I was afraid of getting out of bed. I have the 'luxury' of working from home today. Unfortunately, I knew that if I got out of bed, I would start drinking. I know that I am slipping further and further down this slope, and I just want out. I know I haven't reached my bottom yet, but as they say, bottom is when you stop digging. The problem is my shovel is on auto-pilot now.
Thanks for listening. It's great to come back here and read words of encouragement.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
Hey TechGuy....good to see you back. Yep good old addiction, it certainly loves to dig it's claws deep into us, doesn't it.
We'll your back and not giving up on this, that's what counts. You can do this, YES YOU. At one time I was about to give up on myself, I thought, nope I can't do this, so tired of trying all the time, only to fall back again, over and over and over again, so sick all the time, ugh to all of it.
Something has happened inside of me Tech, and it will with you too, so keep at it how ever long it takes, that's all any of us can do. I almost have 2 months in <--- see that 2 months...holy cow..so if I can do this so can you.
So happy you're back, and I'm wishing you and sending you all good vibes on your sobriety....it feels pretty good you know, it hasn't been easy, but it's so worth it. I don't know about you, but I'm a bit partial to my sanity.
Love and hugs......Denise
We'll your back and not giving up on this, that's what counts. You can do this, YES YOU. At one time I was about to give up on myself, I thought, nope I can't do this, so tired of trying all the time, only to fall back again, over and over and over again, so sick all the time, ugh to all of it.
Something has happened inside of me Tech, and it will with you too, so keep at it how ever long it takes, that's all any of us can do. I almost have 2 months in <--- see that 2 months...holy cow..so if I can do this so can you.
So happy you're back, and I'm wishing you and sending you all good vibes on your sobriety....it feels pretty good you know, it hasn't been easy, but it's so worth it. I don't know about you, but I'm a bit partial to my sanity.
Love and hugs......Denise
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Welcome back.
We rarely quit on our own. God knows I tried for a looooong time!
Are there any policies at your company in regards to leave of absence?
When the shovel is on auto-pilot, you've pretty much crossed the line. It's only a matter of time now. I'm in my sixth month of recovery. I had to do a psych ward/residential rehab gig. You can save yourself the first part of that combo if you act on your instincts friend. That feeling in your gut about getting out of bed... Big red flag.
I'm glad you came back.
We rarely quit on our own. God knows I tried for a looooong time!
Are there any policies at your company in regards to leave of absence?
When the shovel is on auto-pilot, you've pretty much crossed the line. It's only a matter of time now. I'm in my sixth month of recovery. I had to do a psych ward/residential rehab gig. You can save yourself the first part of that combo if you act on your instincts friend. That feeling in your gut about getting out of bed... Big red flag.
I'm glad you came back.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Tech good to see you.
In getting and staying sober we have to do whatever it takes and be competly ready and willing. Perhaps you weren't to that point yet. We don't get to that day a moment sooner then we're supposed to. Seems now is your day. Please try going back to the meetings, share what you just shared, I hear that all the time in meetings, and you'll only find support. If that meeting wasn't within your comfort zone, go to another till you find one you click with.
If you feel rehab is the best option, then go. Most insurances cover it now day's and they can't fire you because of it in most states. I'm sure they realize your out of sorts at work, no one has had the courage to tell you. Just tell the boss it's time for a healthy change, this is something you must do in order to come back to work 100% up to par. As embarassing and difficult as it may seem you just may be surprised at the support they will give you.
Do whatever it takes, and don't quit trying before the miracle happens. *hugs* Again, really good to see you back, are you ready now?
In getting and staying sober we have to do whatever it takes and be competly ready and willing. Perhaps you weren't to that point yet. We don't get to that day a moment sooner then we're supposed to. Seems now is your day. Please try going back to the meetings, share what you just shared, I hear that all the time in meetings, and you'll only find support. If that meeting wasn't within your comfort zone, go to another till you find one you click with.
If you feel rehab is the best option, then go. Most insurances cover it now day's and they can't fire you because of it in most states. I'm sure they realize your out of sorts at work, no one has had the courage to tell you. Just tell the boss it's time for a healthy change, this is something you must do in order to come back to work 100% up to par. As embarassing and difficult as it may seem you just may be surprised at the support they will give you.
Do whatever it takes, and don't quit trying before the miracle happens. *hugs* Again, really good to see you back, are you ready now?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 26
I'm crying so hard right now. A big thanks for the encouragement.
My head is so screwed up right now. I'm just tired of this cycle. I know that may seem cliche; I just don't know how else to put it.
As far as work goes, that's the only thing I've ever really taken pride in. I didn't finish college, and yet at age 30, I reached a V.P. position. Due to a company merger, I'm back at a director level again, which was really hard to take. I know that my drinking is preventing me from being what I can be. I know people at work at least suspect something. They see me glossed over in the mornings, and 'jokingly' ask if I'm hung over. I blame the 'jokingly' part on my paranoia, but the reality is starting to sink in now.
I have insurance that covers rehab. Oddly enough, when I had to renew it earlier this year, that was the first thing I checked. I have enough vaction time accumulated to cover the abscence as well. I just have to figure out how to tell my boss. I'm pretty sure he has a problem too, so I really don't know how he will take it. I don't know if Georgia has any laws on not firing me. I'll have to look into that.
Thanks again for the kind words. And to Jon... Thanks for taking the time to host such a great website that we can look to for support, encouragement, and understanding.
My head is so screwed up right now. I'm just tired of this cycle. I know that may seem cliche; I just don't know how else to put it.
As far as work goes, that's the only thing I've ever really taken pride in. I didn't finish college, and yet at age 30, I reached a V.P. position. Due to a company merger, I'm back at a director level again, which was really hard to take. I know that my drinking is preventing me from being what I can be. I know people at work at least suspect something. They see me glossed over in the mornings, and 'jokingly' ask if I'm hung over. I blame the 'jokingly' part on my paranoia, but the reality is starting to sink in now.
I have insurance that covers rehab. Oddly enough, when I had to renew it earlier this year, that was the first thing I checked. I have enough vaction time accumulated to cover the abscence as well. I just have to figure out how to tell my boss. I'm pretty sure he has a problem too, so I really don't know how he will take it. I don't know if Georgia has any laws on not firing me. I'll have to look into that.
Thanks again for the kind words. And to Jon... Thanks for taking the time to host such a great website that we can look to for support, encouragement, and understanding.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
The cycle almost killed me.
I'm an addict, and in the end, alcohol was my poison. Man, did I give it a run. I jumped into the pit willingly. Figured that this time, I would retain control over the substance. I'm sure we've all heard that before...
Again, I see tons of awareness in your last post. You still have your wits about you. Many of us didn't in the end. Lots of war stories. I think it's super positive that you still have your job, and that you may be able to open up to your boss about this. We're only as sick as the secrets we keep. That he may have a problem or not is inconsequential really. You do, and you need help.
After I got patched up in the hospital, I realized I had no more options. I was done. I threw the marbles down and I let them roll away.
Today, I'm sober, and working a recovery program. Every once in a while, I find one of those marbles. It's great to be present in my life again. Been a long, long time.
You gave me a case of eye moisture as well. I recognize me in you. And I hope you can enjoy what I'm enjoying now.
I'm an addict, and in the end, alcohol was my poison. Man, did I give it a run. I jumped into the pit willingly. Figured that this time, I would retain control over the substance. I'm sure we've all heard that before...
Again, I see tons of awareness in your last post. You still have your wits about you. Many of us didn't in the end. Lots of war stories. I think it's super positive that you still have your job, and that you may be able to open up to your boss about this. We're only as sick as the secrets we keep. That he may have a problem or not is inconsequential really. You do, and you need help.
After I got patched up in the hospital, I realized I had no more options. I was done. I threw the marbles down and I let them roll away.
Today, I'm sober, and working a recovery program. Every once in a while, I find one of those marbles. It's great to be present in my life again. Been a long, long time.
You gave me a case of eye moisture as well. I recognize me in you. And I hope you can enjoy what I'm enjoying now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 26
You know what scares me really? I was in a rehab about 5 years ago. It was mandated after a suicide attempt. The people I met there had been into rehab 2-3 times, or more. I kept thinking to myself, if this really works, why do they keep coming back?
If I can make it out of this, I don't want to come back.
Dan, thanks for the response. It got the waterworks going again.
I guess my question for those who read this is.....
When I go in and talk to the boss.... What the he!! do I say?? Hey Jeff, I can't handle life without a drink, so I need to take four weeks off? I guess I'm ok with saying that, I'm just afraid of what the reaction will be.
I know, I need to do what it takes to get me sober.
If I can make it out of this, I don't want to come back.
Dan, thanks for the response. It got the waterworks going again.
I guess my question for those who read this is.....
When I go in and talk to the boss.... What the he!! do I say?? Hey Jeff, I can't handle life without a drink, so I need to take four weeks off? I guess I'm ok with saying that, I'm just afraid of what the reaction will be.
I know, I need to do what it takes to get me sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Charlottesville, Va
Posts: 632
Im moontime and I'm an Addict. I can relate to you as alcohol was just one of the many drugs I used. I was in resignation for a long time. Resigned to the fact I am an addict, but not yet accepted that Recovery was my solution. It took a whole bunch of "Yets" to come true before I was ready to truly surrender to recovery as my solution. There is a better way of life, I hope you get it. I had to tell my bosses that I had a problem and needed to go to rehab they were truly grateful that I came foward and glad they didn't lose me to my disease. But that was my job.
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
I also stuggled with recovery for a long time.I had alot of resistance to aa and was hell bent on doin it my way,alls it got me was an even deeper level of despair.Tell your boss for you it doesnt matter what his response is as long as you get the help you need.(save a$$ not face)I would suggest to you that you do it as soon as possible as it sounds like you are ready to surrender..Prayers to you.. 
Take a leap of faith ! Alls you haveto lose is your misery! I am pullin for you..Trish
Take a leap of faith ! Alls you haveto lose is your misery! I am pullin for you..Trish
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Escondido, CA
Posts: 9
we can do this
hi techguy,
this site is full of amazing people. i can't believe it. i read story after story in here that i can relate too...with you...jeez, i know the feeling about drinking being encouraged around my work place. i have been in the same business for 17 years now and branched out on my own, 10 years ago...i make more money than i ever dreamed of now....and i'm the unhappiest i've ever been. i know it's because of my drinking, i should be the happiest i've ever been. i am my own worst enemy. i go to luncheons and dinners where all of my collegues drink to excess, it's so accepted as long as you are happy and don't cause a scene...i wonder if these people go home and continue to drink as i do...the important thing is, i am admitting i have a problem. i am in a different situation being self-employed, but now that i am facing this i just know i will have to miss some or all of these occassions until i feel comfortable around the alcohol...i think your superiors will respect your decision. it's your decision and your health. if they are smart and know how valuable you are, they should/will welcome your decision to go to rehab. it will only benefit them in the long run. don't give up, you're in the right place. this site is a miracle in itself.
this site is full of amazing people. i can't believe it. i read story after story in here that i can relate too...with you...jeez, i know the feeling about drinking being encouraged around my work place. i have been in the same business for 17 years now and branched out on my own, 10 years ago...i make more money than i ever dreamed of now....and i'm the unhappiest i've ever been. i know it's because of my drinking, i should be the happiest i've ever been. i am my own worst enemy. i go to luncheons and dinners where all of my collegues drink to excess, it's so accepted as long as you are happy and don't cause a scene...i wonder if these people go home and continue to drink as i do...the important thing is, i am admitting i have a problem. i am in a different situation being self-employed, but now that i am facing this i just know i will have to miss some or all of these occassions until i feel comfortable around the alcohol...i think your superiors will respect your decision. it's your decision and your health. if they are smart and know how valuable you are, they should/will welcome your decision to go to rehab. it will only benefit them in the long run. don't give up, you're in the right place. this site is a miracle in itself.
New and Unsure
Join Date: May 2004
Location: phoenix az
Posts: 191
Tech-
Did you ever relize that you will be able to work hard and better once you are sober. Cant you just tell them that you need to take a vacation and give them enought time to find someone to help out with you duties while you are gone? I know when I put in for vacation no one ever asked me what I am doing. Just an idea.
It is going to be ok. You can do with. Just grab on with both hands as tight and you can and pray for the best. Work every day on you recovery and you too will come out of this.
Did you ever relize that you will be able to work hard and better once you are sober. Cant you just tell them that you need to take a vacation and give them enought time to find someone to help out with you duties while you are gone? I know when I put in for vacation no one ever asked me what I am doing. Just an idea.
It is going to be ok. You can do with. Just grab on with both hands as tight and you can and pray for the best. Work every day on you recovery and you too will come out of this.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Maplewood, MN
Posts: 121
Hey Tech :)
Hi there, I have been where you are at NOW. I work for a large company, and my last binge/black out I was brought down to the ER casue they couldn't wake me up. Off to detox and then to in patient treatment for 25 days. I called my boss and told him I had a problem with depression and alcohol and I need to take some personal time off. I told him what he had to know, not every little detail. They were ALL very supportive, and welcomed me back with open arms. That was a year and a half ago, and man, I am telling you, LIFE IS MUCH BETTER!!!
I tried AA before that, what made a difference was that inpatient rehab. I learned so much, it truly was an educational experience for me, and the huge weight on my shoulders was lifted off!!!
If you are seeking help, the work force needs to let you proceed, you can't get fired for that.
Proud of you, life is just beginning my friend
I tried AA before that, what made a difference was that inpatient rehab. I learned so much, it truly was an educational experience for me, and the huge weight on my shoulders was lifted off!!!
If you are seeking help, the work force needs to let you proceed, you can't get fired for that.
Proud of you, life is just beginning my friend
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Colchester CT
Posts: 13
It would probably do you some good to be in a rehab. Most addicts benefit from what those places have to offer. I know I did. Because your right, you can't do it alone. It does not matter what you tell work - they can't fire you just for being an addict. Tell them only as much as you are comfortable telling.
There is a voice inside of you, inside of all of us, that will lead us to the right path if we listen. It's the voice that told you that you can't do it alone. It made sure your new insurance covered a rehab. Do you see the path it is leading you to?
There is a voice inside of you, inside of all of us, that will lead us to the right path if we listen. It's the voice that told you that you can't do it alone. It made sure your new insurance covered a rehab. Do you see the path it is leading you to?
Hopefully Healing Up
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sober, Forever
Posts: 511
Tech
There are laws that mandate recovery concerning the workplace. Even if you did not have the vacation time coming to you, they have to attempt to assist you and allow you the time you need to go through a rehab program. They cannot fire you for that, it is against the law. I had to fess up to my boss about my drinking problem and low and behold, he had been there. He was very understanding and even invited me to come to some of his meetings with his group when/if I felt comfortable. I think they would find it admirable instead of a negative. Just my opinion but however you approach it, I would definitely get the help that you already know you need. It is your life after all!! You can do this and thanks for coming to SR. Welcome my friend.
Roy
Roy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 26
Thanks to everyone for all of the support. Eddie, it's cool to see you are still around. I hope you're hanging in there!
I have made the decision that rehab is the only way I'm going to break free. I actually feel a little better having made that decision. I've got the shakes real bad today though.
I can't just tell the boss I need to take a four week vacation unfortunately. That doesn't fly with this company. I will have to fill out a leave of abscence form, that much I know. I am probably making a bigger deal over it than I should, and more likely I am trying to find an excuse to not do this.
Thank you again for the responses. You guys really are a great group, who really does care.
I have made the decision that rehab is the only way I'm going to break free. I actually feel a little better having made that decision. I've got the shakes real bad today though.
I can't just tell the boss I need to take a four week vacation unfortunately. That doesn't fly with this company. I will have to fill out a leave of abscence form, that much I know. I am probably making a bigger deal over it than I should, and more likely I am trying to find an excuse to not do this.
Thank you again for the responses. You guys really are a great group, who really does care.
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