Needing lots of support,SCARED
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Desmoines Iowa
Posts: 4
Needing lots of support,SCARED
Hi, My name is Aysha I'm a 25 year old single mother of 4, 3 boys and a 1 girl. I'm addicted to prescription painkillers (oxycontin) is my drug of choice. I've been taking them now for 4 years. on and off The time before this last one when I was on them. I stopped because I was pregnant. And My OB found it in my blood stream. and threatened me with treatment so I weaned My self off and gave birth to a healthy baby boy (thank God).So now I've been back on for 9 months ( a month after my son was born). And i'm ready to get off but I'm scared I really need support. I feel so confused. I even think I might be in a depression. I'm really scared to wean my self this time because I have a little baby this time, that really requires My attention. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm in a closed in box I wanna be free mentally. I know in my heart that I'm ready to give this up. I just don't know how to start. I really need lots of support and encouragement. My family doesn't know about this pill thing time and I don't want to tell them. I just want to quit and then I can talk to them or mabe they do know and just haven't said any thing to me. My sister keeps making coments. Please if some one could help me and encourage me to get started I would greatly apprechiate it. I feel so alone you guys are all I have.
Thanks for lisening
AyeshaNicoleundefined
Thanks for lisening
AyeshaNicoleundefined
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: logan,utah
Posts: 8
Drifting in the same boat..trying to weather the storm
Hi There Ayesha,
I'd say welcome, but I am as new as you are to all of this. I am 43, mom of 5, 3 girls and two boys (oldest 22- youngest 7). I am married for the 3rd time...this time the last! I don't know if you want to hear my story, so for now I'll address your post.
SCARED is probably an understatement if you are feeling like me. Although you know in your heart that your addiction has control over you and your life, not to mention your relationship with your kids. PETRIFIED would be the word I'd use!! You've been living your life (lie) for so long that it has become part of who you are. Your moods, energy, activities, friends, sleep patterns, health, mental health, etc. Who will you be if you stop being the you that you've been for so long? How will you deal? Who can you tell, talk to, ask for help? How many people will you disappoint once they know? What will you do when you just gotta have some..."just this one time"? Believe me, all those questions have gone round and roung in my mind...and still are.
Addiction sucks!! We all desire control in our lives. Maybe over our kids, our job, our health, our minds, especially that one thing (drug) we can't seem to get a grip on. The thing is, the more we use to feel in control, the less we are in control of anything! Let me say, I haven't roped this bronc (ritalin for me yet). But just think of all the times you missed out, slept through, or just vegged out. I often wonder "why am I doing this?" It doesn't get me anywhere but deeper in the black hole of addiction. I want out and it sure sounds like you do as well. We've both made a big step/giant leap by admitting to ourselves that we can't do this alone. As you can see, we are not the only ones struggling with this. It's easy to feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed. What's hard is despite these very real emotions, we are crying out for help and help is out there. There are many helplines, websites, and groups there just for people like us. Narcotics Anonymous is a great place to start. Their main page has all kinds of stuff to print out and resources in your community. You'll be amazed at how willing people are to help and how much praise you'll get along the way for being brave enough to say ENOUGH!
Remember, no one ever succeded by giving up- only by quitting!!! Don't give up and don't give in!!! We're out here for you!!
Best Wishes!!!
Nettie
I'd say welcome, but I am as new as you are to all of this. I am 43, mom of 5, 3 girls and two boys (oldest 22- youngest 7). I am married for the 3rd time...this time the last! I don't know if you want to hear my story, so for now I'll address your post.
SCARED is probably an understatement if you are feeling like me. Although you know in your heart that your addiction has control over you and your life, not to mention your relationship with your kids. PETRIFIED would be the word I'd use!! You've been living your life (lie) for so long that it has become part of who you are. Your moods, energy, activities, friends, sleep patterns, health, mental health, etc. Who will you be if you stop being the you that you've been for so long? How will you deal? Who can you tell, talk to, ask for help? How many people will you disappoint once they know? What will you do when you just gotta have some..."just this one time"? Believe me, all those questions have gone round and roung in my mind...and still are.
Addiction sucks!! We all desire control in our lives. Maybe over our kids, our job, our health, our minds, especially that one thing (drug) we can't seem to get a grip on. The thing is, the more we use to feel in control, the less we are in control of anything! Let me say, I haven't roped this bronc (ritalin for me yet). But just think of all the times you missed out, slept through, or just vegged out. I often wonder "why am I doing this?" It doesn't get me anywhere but deeper in the black hole of addiction. I want out and it sure sounds like you do as well. We've both made a big step/giant leap by admitting to ourselves that we can't do this alone. As you can see, we are not the only ones struggling with this. It's easy to feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed. What's hard is despite these very real emotions, we are crying out for help and help is out there. There are many helplines, websites, and groups there just for people like us. Narcotics Anonymous is a great place to start. Their main page has all kinds of stuff to print out and resources in your community. You'll be amazed at how willing people are to help and how much praise you'll get along the way for being brave enough to say ENOUGH!
Remember, no one ever succeded by giving up- only by quitting!!! Don't give up and don't give in!!! We're out here for you!!
Best Wishes!!!
Nettie
Last edited by MrsUSUAgs; 06-15-2004 at 01:30 AM. Reason: font
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Welcome to Sober Recovery Aysha.
Many of us have beaten or are in the process of dealing with oxy addicion.
We hang out in the Substance Abuse Forum, and the Narcotics Anonymous Forum for the most part.
While I understand to a point your wanting to keep this a secret, I think it is a bad choice. You absolutely need all the support you can get, considering you have four children. My god, so young to have such a big brood. The more people you make aware of this, the better your chances for recovery. You are only as sick as the secrets you keep. Lots of support here.
Many of us have beaten or are in the process of dealing with oxy addicion.
We hang out in the Substance Abuse Forum, and the Narcotics Anonymous Forum for the most part.
While I understand to a point your wanting to keep this a secret, I think it is a bad choice. You absolutely need all the support you can get, considering you have four children. My god, so young to have such a big brood. The more people you make aware of this, the better your chances for recovery. You are only as sick as the secrets you keep. Lots of support here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Ayesha,
Welcome and you've come to the right place to find support and encouragement. You are so right to want to feel free of the addiction that is running your life. I'm an alcoholic, but I know exactly what you mean. It will be hard for you to do this with 4 small children and not much outside support, but you can do it. And how to start - just go for an hour at a time. Just take small steps and don't get overwhelmed looking at the big picture right now. Hang around and keep posting.
Love, Anna
Welcome and you've come to the right place to find support and encouragement. You are so right to want to feel free of the addiction that is running your life. I'm an alcoholic, but I know exactly what you mean. It will be hard for you to do this with 4 small children and not much outside support, but you can do it. And how to start - just go for an hour at a time. Just take small steps and don't get overwhelmed looking at the big picture right now. Hang around and keep posting.
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Charlottesville, Va
Posts: 632
Welcome!!! Im an addict too!! It sounds like you really want that freedom that we all strive for. That freedom from drug depedency. If you want this freedom, you will do what we did. I just want to say if this crack-head using, dope-fiend snorthing can get clean, everyone one of you can get clean too. 90 meetings in 90 days, something magical happens in this time, I can not explain. Get a Sponsor someone who's been through the tough times and didn't pick-up. That's what it's all about, it's about NOT USING NO MATTER WHAT. They lived life on life's terms through divorces, loss of children and jobs and didn't pick-up. This sponsor should have a firm understanding of 12 steps of NA. This is where the spiritual freedom lies, it PROMISES, THAT ANY ADDICT; CAN STOP USING, LOSE THE DESIRE TO USE, and the kicker, FIND A NEW WAY OF LIFE. Get phone numbers of people in the program. Men get with men, woman get with woman. The opposite sex might tell you what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear. Get a home-group a place where you can make a committment to. By working the steps you develop a connection with a power greater than ourselves. This so we don't live the same pathetic life we were living, but we live a new life that this power has set for us. Most important is learn to listen and listen to learn. Keep an open-mind, focus on similarities and not the diffences. People might say that the fellowships are brainwashing ones. You know what my brain needed washing because all the values I grew up with went out the window when I picked up. The people who can't stay clean are the people who can't make a committment to wanting to LIVE. Good luck, I pray for you, we want you, we need you and we will love you until you can love yourself. Keep Coming Back if you want to live.
Moon
Moon
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
Hi mrsmaclin...happy you found SR. I don't know anything about pills, but I do know an addiction is an addiction, and I hope you find some peace in this. My heart goes out to you, I can see and feel your agonizing pain, you'll find answers here.
You've been given some pretty good advice from some of the gang here...so I hope you listen to what's been said, lots of love in these posts....we all care.
Wishing you the best on your recovery...YOU CAN DO THIS...such a young age, so now's the time to make changes.
Sending you my love, hugs and prayers......Denise
You've been given some pretty good advice from some of the gang here...so I hope you listen to what's been said, lots of love in these posts....we all care.
Wishing you the best on your recovery...YOU CAN DO THIS...such a young age, so now's the time to make changes.
Sending you my love, hugs and prayers......Denise
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Welcome ladies!!
I just want you to know your not alone. I keep hearing more and more about people addicted to this horrible drug oxy... it's not your fault. It is a highly addictive painkiller. But there is help. Please visit our substance abuse forums and looky for the Oxy threads, also look for our NA forum. Getting off of pill is no different then alcohol, or heroin, or cocain. It takes work, support, and a program of your understanding.
See what looks good, what may work, and try finding support in your area. Most have NA meetings now, you can find in your local phone book.
We're very glad your here, and if your ready, want to take back control of your life, know miracles happen around here everyday, and your's may just be begining!
I just want you to know your not alone. I keep hearing more and more about people addicted to this horrible drug oxy... it's not your fault. It is a highly addictive painkiller. But there is help. Please visit our substance abuse forums and looky for the Oxy threads, also look for our NA forum. Getting off of pill is no different then alcohol, or heroin, or cocain. It takes work, support, and a program of your understanding.
See what looks good, what may work, and try finding support in your area. Most have NA meetings now, you can find in your local phone book.
We're very glad your here, and if your ready, want to take back control of your life, know miracles happen around here everyday, and your's may just be begining!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
Hi Ladies,
I'm an addict called Laurie. I just wanted to pop in and welcome you to SR. You've made some incredible first steps toward your recovery by admitting that you need help. Listen to some suggestions, and hang in there. You can do this.
Laurie D
I'm an addict called Laurie. I just wanted to pop in and welcome you to SR. You've made some incredible first steps toward your recovery by admitting that you need help. Listen to some suggestions, and hang in there. You can do this.
Laurie D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Venice, Florida
Posts: 414
Welcome Aysha,
I am an addict, drug of choice opiates. I know you are scared. WE all have been there. I echo what many on the site have said...Find support. You can go the NA route, therapy, family, but the bottom line is trying to get off the drugs alone will not work. You need assistance both medical and emotional and believe me, I know I couldn't do it alone. Tried it too many times and failed. Once I got professional help, I have stayed clean for 5 1/2 years.
You have 4 very special reasons to stay clean. They need their Mommy.
You can do it. Keep posting.
I am an addict, drug of choice opiates. I know you are scared. WE all have been there. I echo what many on the site have said...Find support. You can go the NA route, therapy, family, but the bottom line is trying to get off the drugs alone will not work. You need assistance both medical and emotional and believe me, I know I couldn't do it alone. Tried it too many times and failed. Once I got professional help, I have stayed clean for 5 1/2 years.
You have 4 very special reasons to stay clean. They need their Mommy.
You can do it. Keep posting.
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