1stthingsfirst

Hello, so I had quite a day yesterday and mixed medication with A Lot of vodka. apparently I was very belligerent and scratched and bit my husband. i also made a huge scene in my front yard. naked. I just don't know what to do with all this guilt and self anger. My husband bailed me out and I feel so terrible about what I did and said to him. My kids saw the whole thing. I am feeling pretty terrible and know that I never can drink again. I never drink hard liquor, just beer, don't know why I did it. Not even a parking ticket on my record, now I am facing felony assault charges.

I guess I am looking for support, I will never pick up a drink again. I don't know how to get through embarrassment ... Can't sleep or eat. I let everyone down.

robgt350

i think now is a good time to stop drinking. the good thing is you admited you want too

KateL

You'll get over the embarrassment. Dare I say, I laugh at some things that happened many moons ago. Humour aint a bad thing. Don't hate yourself. You deserve better. Good luck.

1stthingsfirst

Thanks Kate, your kind words brought tears to my eyes. I cannot believe the things my family told me I did. This is not me. I want to be me again. I have to muster the strength to be sober for real and for good. What a wake-up call. I can and will lose everything if
I keep drinking.

KateL

No it's not you but you can get the real you back xxx

Stang

I've looked into NLP a little over the years...not enough to be an expert but some. Anyway there are ways to anchor the bad memories to certain behaviors. For people like us that would be drinking/drugging. There's a world of information out there on the subject. Tony Robbins two biggest books adress the subject. We don't want to dwell in the stupidity we've engaged in but we can't completely forget it either.

1stthingsfirst

What is NLP? Sounds useful and worth looking at.

Dee74

Some bottoms can be motifying - but like Kate says - we rebuild our lives, retrieve our true selves and move on.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life 1stthingsfirst

whats your plan?
D

1stthingsfirst

I am going to meetings, doctor and a therapist this time. I am so tired of alcohol and I am desperate to stop for good.

Dee74

sounds like a great start

D

phoebe64

1stthing, it will pass. You brought back a painful memory I had actually forgotten. I mention the forgotten part, because I truly had forgotten it. So time will pass and people will put it behind them when they see you working on recovery. It was my mother who got taken into protective custody. She had some angry years drinking and had gone to a bar at a nice restuarant in the area. Apparently fell in the gutter before making it ot the car to drive home. Thank God! And there may have been another time Dad was called to go get her there. usually she sipped her Manhattans in a coffee cup at home. I do not recall any negative lasting effects on me as a child with friends(whose parents must have known these things) or with me against my mom. all i ever wanted was for her to stop drinking, because we could have some good times when she was sober.

It sounds like a good reason to stop drinking, though. Hopefully charges will be dropped? Or, perhaps you will be ordered to do some treatment or such if your family is supportive?

BTW, I was the child in my story above, now I am the alcoholic. That is my reason for being here as a member.

champ1960

" The past ( even if recent) is to be learned from and not lived in. Faith is always pointed to the future". But faith without works is dead. Take time now to ponder what actions you need to take to sobriety and start doing them . make it your top priority. We all need help with this . can't do it alone.

KateL

That's a lovely post, Rochele. My kids say the same about me. x

Stang

It's Neuro Linguistic Programing. It takes practice that I haven't given it. Strange but your post brought it up in my mind. The web is full of information on it I'm sure. Tony Robbins is the most well known practitioner. He does seminars that are very expensive but his books are available without spending a ton of money. The key would be to anchor this terrible memory to alcohol. Whenever you want to drink again and you will want to, have this memory pop up in your head. Again I haven't practiced it enough to elaborate but would recommend his books. It will take work so I may as well get with it myself.

JaylaaKent

I'm sorry you feel this way - we have all been at that point one way or another. We drink for a reason, and fail to control our intake - it's not your fault that you are an alcoholic (I don't think anyone would want this disease) but it's not such a terrible thing. I'm grateful that I hit my low - it really made me accept something that I was not willing to for some time. Now I know the problem, I can work on the solution (recovery). I'm glad your getting help 1st. When I first tried to stay sober I did it on my own - after a series of relapses with lower and lower consequences each time, I realized I needed help and it was too big to do on my own.

Pondlady

Good Morning 1stthingsfirst. I understand your feelings of guilt and embarrassment , many of us have done things we're not proud of while drinking. Stick with your plan for sobriety. Your sober actions and behavior, over time, will show your family the real you.

Try not to feel guilty……spend your thoughts and energy on not drinking and taking care of yourself.

lucidelusions

In the past I always felt incredibly guilty about my behaviour when I was off my face. There were so many times that I promised to never drink again, and I was going to get all this help. It's important to recognise that no one is infallible. Be kind to yourself. The embarrassment will pass. Be proactive with your efforts to change but try to avoid putting too much weight on your shoulders. Get clean and healthy, clear your head and be proactive in turning this around. It will look good when you go before the court.

b086

one reason that i used to drink and use was to cover the terrible shame that i felt about things that i did when i was drunk and high. obviously that only created more fiascos to feel guilty and ashamed about. your post reminded me of a time when, totally blinkered, i picked a fight with a guy much bigger than me in the courtyard in front of my apartment, in front of many people (it was a party). things could have ended up much, much worse than they did.

recovery gives you the tools to move past this, in my experience. i find that i essentially never think of "those times" now, and not because i want to forget they ever happened. the memories just don't affect me the way they once did.

it also seems that this is an opportunity to teach your kids about strength. because, while i don't believe that addictions can be conquered by will power, it takes a great deal of strength to say "no" when the voice in your head is screaming "yes" to that next drink or whatever it is that it wants. not to mention the strength to forgive yourself for your mistakes. i think that a child who watches their parent confront and conquer their demons will likely be inspired. that may feel like a long way off, and it might be so. but it's possible....

ClearMind

Yes, Tony Robbins talks a lot about NLP and conditioning. He says that we do everything we do for two reasons: to avoid pain or to gain pleasure. If we condition ourselves in a way that we automatically think of all of the pain we will get from drinking alcohol, and at the same time thinking about all the pleasure we will get from remaining sober, then we will lose interest in drinking. It does take work, but it does work. It's like going to the gym, you can't go once and automatically be in great shape. It takes some time, but it is absolutely worth it in the end.

liberated

I can offer nothing new- I agree with all thats been said- just know we each could tell a story like that- and that we are all here for you!