Mikie9

Not sure why exactly, but I am feeling pretty down all day. I didn't sleep well at all last night so I am going to chalk it up to that I guess.

I was entertaining the thought of a 12 pack just a little bit ago. I could picture one sitting beside me as I surf the web like i always did. I kept playing the tape tho, and saw myself at 10 pm tonight buzzed out of my mind, possibly posting stupid random stuff on facebook, or texting someone like that.

But i was thinking about it all the same. Right this second is my trigger time, this is when I was always getting ready to get hammered, especially on a saturday night (woohoo party at my house, no one is invited!)

So i thought i better get on here and post my thoughts before they get away from me. Each night so far, as long as I make it past 6 I have been fine, but I haven't been feeling sad either. Today I have been so I am a little worried I think.

Suekie

I'm feeling similar... my moods are all over the place, really.

I think I'm just missing alcohol, my first love. It's like a break up.. alcohol was in my life for 20 years, helping me cope, making me feel numb, making me feel good.. but ultimately ruining my life in the process.

One minute, one day at a time.

I'm almost looking forward to Monday. That's a definite first haha.

least

We all have 'down' days. What matters is how we deal with them, and sober is much better to deal with them. I hope you stay strong and don't give in. You'll feel so much better when you wake up tomorrow if you stay sober.

PurpleKnight

Hang in there Mikie!! . . . I used to have the same party with no invites, it was me and my drink of choice for the night!! . . . but we both know sobriety is a better way forward, especially with that fresh feeling on Sunday morning to look forward to!!

Dee74

Remember those trigger points guys: HALT - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired.

One of the best things I ever learned is that, sober, a blue day is most likely to be just that - a blue day...not a blue month.

Hope you feel better tomorrow guys

D

Mikie9

I will be fine, playing the tape forward as I read stopped the drinking thoughts in their tracks. I do not ever want to be in that place again. The couple hours of false entertainment is not worth it. I just wanted to post it so that I could read it and truly understand it. I am going to have a cup of coffee in a few minutes for an after dinner treat, and do some reading on here...

and Suekie, I kinda feel the same way about monday lol. It is work, but there are people to talk to there, like in person n' stuff lol. I gotta get out more tomorrow.

Mikie9

Oh and as for HALT, I am lonely and tired. I guess it could be worse, i could be pissed off and hungry too!

I am sooo glad this site is here. There is no way I could get thru these moments without you.

bigsombrero

Good move playing that tape. That's something that will come in handy as time passes, you'll need to do this more than once, even long into sobriety.

One of the main problems that keeps alcoholics from staying sober is impatience. We want things to be fixed NOW, we want to feel good NOW, and we have a hard time dealing with frustrating situations. Same goes for the always popular "I'm bored" argument when your alcoholic brain gets squirly. In the past, a beer was your security blanket - unfortunately 1 beer becomes 12 more often than not, and people like you and me just can't keep living life that way. We'll die, you see.

It's good to be able to accept "blue days" for what they are. In my experience, a bowl of popcorn helps. Or ice cream. A movie, a football game, a hot bath or shower, a book, and an early bedtime. Wake up early and treat yourself to a cup of coffee when the cafe opens and take a walk or a drive. Plan something simple you can do in the morning that's achievable and realistic. There is nothing wrong with these things. This is what the rest of the world does, day in and day out. We just need to get into these habits too.

Mikie9

Your words rang very true to me. I will plan something right now to do early in the morning, should occupy a little time and give me something to look forward too. We have a beautiful riverwalk with coffee shops that I have never visited, and I have lived here all my life and I like coffee lol.

Thank you, Sombrero.

Tabbj

I have been feeling pretty blue the last couple of days my self .... I instead threw myself into cleaning y home today, not that it was not already clean it is cleaner now LOL. I am blaming mine on the holidays an few other things going on in my life, hang in there we are here for you ...

bigsombrero

That is a perfect idea! I did the same just yesterday: I was in my hometown of Minneapolis, and I went down to the Mississippi river bank at 9am and explored the ruins of an old mill that exploded in 1878. I stumbled upon a museum that opened up nearby, and then went for coffee next door at a theater, where I found an amazing view and even had a nice conversation with some fellow citizens out enjoying similar mornings. I would NEVER have done such things during my alcoholic days.

These are the types of things that happen when you get out to the local riverwalk, etc. You will see that there ARE people there - that's why the city built and maintains such beautiful grounds! Chattanooga has made some efforts and they WANT you to be there. I think you will find it a pleasant experience

Mikie9

Thanks Tabb, I think mine has some to do with the holidays as well. I have four days off, and while that is nice and all, it is a lot of time to fill right now.

aasharon90

I can't speak for anyone else but I can
share my own experiences I had in early
recovery and what has kept me sober for
23 yrs now.

First, my 23 yrs. sobriety was not handed
to me on a silver platter. I like everyone
else in recovery began with not picking
up that first drink. Then it was not picking
up a drink for each single day.

I went thru rehab for 28 days where I
was taught about addiction to alcohol
and it's affects on my own body. Rehab
introduced me to a recovery program
consisting of steps and principles
to incorporate in my everyday affairs.

Each day that passed that I didn't drink
seemed like a roller coaster trying to
make sense of this whole addiction
and recovery way of life. What helped
me was to find the winners like many
suggested and stick to them.

As a mom, wife and living a recovery
life, I juggled for balance in all 3 to the
best of my ability.

I listened, I absorbed and then I applied
all that was fed to me with recovery information
to my own life each day for a many one days
at a time to get me where I am today.

Im finally living on lifes terms and actually
enjoying life as should be. In other words,
im now living a happy, joyous, free and honest
life today.

Tabbj

I understand you all the way I have been off work since early Wednesday ... I am better off always being occupied with something ...

It is not how you
Weather the " STORM "
It is how you
" DANCE IN THE RAIN "

Mikie9

wow <smackshead> You are correct, I never did these things because I couldn't all hung over and hating on myself. You just reminded me that the world is open to me now, and that is why I am doing this! hahaha I am suddenly over the blues.

I didn't really do anything today, fixed some siding on the house that had come loose but that was it. But at least it wasn't because I COULDN'T do something today, I had just forgotten I could I guess. Wow this is going to take some time, but at least the clock is ticking for me now!

geiser

Been feeling blue and disgusted with myself too. Have been sick for over three weeks intermittently drinking and stopping worried I have done some damage to myself with my latest binge. Have had to rest a lot . . .been sticking close to SR it has helped a lot. Was sick on thanksgiving and didn't even have the energy to get up for long. Missed my family's thanksgiving not sure I will ever see another one since my parents are aging. This has made me think of all of the things I have missed. Trying to concentrate on being well today. . .physically and emotionally.

malcolmsloan

Hang in there Mikie9. Can't say I've had the best day either. We're low on money and the kids are already pumped about frickin christmas. It's not even december and I'm feeling the holiday stress. And it's saturday night.Monday looms...But that is all habit thinking, the AV I guess, the beast trying to get us to feed it. I just know that we'll feel WAY worse if we give in. I can't image how down I'd feel in the morning if I drank tonight. Well, I guess I can, which is why I'll choose not to. Stay strong, bud, you're fighting the good fight. And I need you right ahead of me, blazing the trail.

Mikie9

I am feeling a lot better guys. The notion that the world is open to me now is something I had forgotten today, and I have plans in the AM so I am content.

Hang in there malcolm(if you see this). We both know how we would feel in the morning if we drank tonight, probably wouldnt even take that long to be beating ourselves up over drinking tonight.

And the money, I have saved well over $100 so far by not drinking(wow I hadn't added this up yet), remember that my friend when you are worrying about money for xmas. The amount may not make all their dreams come true but at least you won't be thinking about that on xmas morning.

And I plan to always be right in front of you clearing the way.... it's all clear come on!

malcolmsloan

Oh, I'm reading, Mikie. You are totally helping me. Onward!

Mikie9

Good deal malcolm, that makes me happy. I am also happy you are right behind me. I know if I stumble you will be right there to pick me up!