MB8

I am very new to this site and can use any help I can get. I'm trying this sobriety thing for the fourth time. I've made it as long as 5 months. This time started the day after Halloween. I made it a week and my wife and I decided to go to a birthday party at a local bar with all my " old " drinking buddies. I made it 5 minutes and was ordering a beer. 3 hours later I was 15 deep and the life of the party as usual. When we first walked in I was pretty much having a panic attack I guess. Never had one but was very uncomfortable even though these were my buddies. Anyway, I started the next day and it will be three weeks Sunday. I would love to say that I am trying to get sober for myself but the truth is I have a beautiful wife and two beautiful daughters and they are my driving force. That is probably the main reason I can't stay sober. Each time I've tried I have made my wife's life a living hell. I think subconsciously I do it on purpose so she just says " please drink. I can deal with you that way". I know that is terrible but I get so angry at her cause she doesn't drink and never has. It's like I hold that against her. So the biggest issue I deal with is resentment. Although she has never asked me to quit and I've done it each time on my own to be better dad / husband, I still think who the hell are you to tell me I can't drink. I have really hard time with higher power thing but I'm even trying that this time. I realize I'm rambling but any guidance anyone can offer is greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening

Struggling hard to stay sober. MB8

Carlotta

to SR. You will find a lot of support and resources here.
Why don't you join us at the 24 hours club where we commit not to drink or drug for the next 24 hours? It is a fun and supportive way to hold ourselves accountable and before you know it, those days do pile up http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4318603

MB8

I'll do that. Thank you. I'll do anything at this point to stay sober. Thnx again. MB8

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum MB8!! the most important thing is that you seem to keep trying each time, keep at it and you'll get there!!

neferkamichael

MB8, , plenty of support, rootin for ya.

Heartfan82

MB8, it's good to see you here reaching out for help.....

I am reading a book called "Rational Recovery" by Jack Trimpey, and I'm really seeing this addiction thing in a different light, like it has a mind of it's own, and doesn't really care if it destroys your life. You might look into reading this, it's an alternative to some of the AA type programs....

If you look back on this forum, you'll see some other threads started by guys who are in the middle of divorce, wives moving out, family splitting up, etc. You still have a chance to save yours. Read some of the advice given on this site, and hopefully you'll find some strength to go at least another day. There are so many subjects here that are covered, and maybe something will pop out at you to help you along.

I really wish you the best on your journey this time, you owe it to yourself to see what kind of good life awaits you without the poison. Dee74, doggonecarl, EndgameNYC, and some others here are good people to look up and read their posts to others for advice....

Peace,
~Heartfan

Dee74

Hi and welcome MB8

yeah I remember when I would quit back in the day and I'd be so tetchy and irritable my then partner would say 'for gods sake take a drink or have a smoke...'

It got so I think I would actually subconsciously be a jerk just so I'd get that permission.

The solution to this problem is not drinking - it's trying our best not to be a jerk

I know - it feels bad and we feel bad - but try and think about the good things in your life - many of us write a daily gratitude list.

Be thankful for that lovely wife and daughters you have.

The tough struggle and the irritability are really only with us for a few weeks...it's not forever and it's so worth that early period to get to the other side.

stick with it MB8
D

SoberForMySon

Hey and welcome. AA can really help with resentment and support. Maybe an idea!

MB8

Heartfan and dee. Wow. Thank you guys both for the encouraging words. Dee that is exactly what I do. I drive my wife crazy and " whine " that I can't drink waiting for that permission. That's awful. I'm really glad to know I'm not the only one. I've been on this site for two days and it is truly helping by having this support. Today is the first day that I've felt ok with not being able to drink tonight. Of course I've been on this site all day so I'm sure that's helping. I have a great career, a beautiful blond wife, and two gorgeous blond hair blue eyed girls. The only reason I say this is not to boast but to express how discusted I am with myself that I'd give that all up just to be able to drink. That's insane. My wife is amazing though. Never waivers in her support. Rambling. Sorry. Just wanted to express my gratitude to both of you for taking the time to help me out.

A better day today. MB8

Thepatman

I like your thread. It made me realize stuff about my previous attempts when I was still with my son's mother. I did similar then you, never realized it. Thanks for your post!!

bigsombrero

Thanks for posting. Hope you find something here that works for you - you ought to be proud of yourself for starting this thread. Might be the first step towards a new way of life. Welcome.

Mountainmanbob

more than good reasons to get and stay sober

we need to just think

how many drunks have lost those ???

MM

least

I hope we can help and support you in your goal to stay sober. Glad you joined the family.

jaynie04

Hi MB8 and welcome. Some really good and interesting observations. I am beginning to understand that just as drinking creates certain dynamics so does sobriety. In early sobriety I found that my emotions were all over the map...so one minute I would want a cheering section, and then the next minute I would want to be ignored. It is very hard on our families, and there is always the underlying stress of a relapse. I know from growing up with an alcoholic mother I would constantly follow her around and smell her drinks for the first year or two after she got sober.

But you are in a great place, 24/7, and I definitely count SR as one of the biggest helps in my sobriety so far. Glad to have you here!

MB8

Thnx. SR has helped tremendously. I've never ever been on my phone as much as I have in the last two days since I found this site. Haven't felt as good in a long time as I do today. I realize that can quickly change but I'm gonna ride it out as long as it lasts. Still struggling with higher power but I'm atleast going thru the motions of talking to one so we will see. Thnx for all the encouragement. It has helped tremendously.

MB8

MB8

Today was the first day I decorated for Christmas without drinks in many years. Started out tough but realized it was actually fun. Watched my two beautiful daughters have so much fun. Much better high than 12 or 15 beers. My wife and I started out fighting because we always have to get the 13 ft tree. It seems great at tree lot but get it home and trying to get it into stand is impossible. World war 3. Once we got through that it was smooth sailing. Anyway I guess you can have fun without booze. Never thought it possible. Happy holidays. MB8