home and thinking
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
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home and thinking
Marathon day complete. Not without struggles and temptations. I was so out of it this morning that I got to work and realized that I had left my the keys to my office and everything at work at home. I live 45 min away from work (with no traffic). Had the thought at one point of the day, "at least hangovers go away, this 24/7 exhaustion sucks, bigtime." Don't like where that thinking is going.
But I did have a bit of a realization (as I drove home to get my keys). For years, easily 20, I have been telling myself that I have insomnia and that's why I drink--just so I can sleep. You know what, that's been a load of crap, the AV f-ing with me, even 20 years ago. This was significant because, as I trudge though this exhaustion, I have to realize that this mind frame and its relationship to drinking had been developing over a long period of time. Therefore, it will take more than a day or two to undo this damage. And actually, this is serious motivation to keep that drink from my mouth--I don't EVER want to go through this again. See you later booze.
But I did have a bit of a realization (as I drove home to get my keys). For years, easily 20, I have been telling myself that I have insomnia and that's why I drink--just so I can sleep. You know what, that's been a load of crap, the AV f-ing with me, even 20 years ago. This was significant because, as I trudge though this exhaustion, I have to realize that this mind frame and its relationship to drinking had been developing over a long period of time. Therefore, it will take more than a day or two to undo this damage. And actually, this is serious motivation to keep that drink from my mouth--I don't EVER want to go through this again. See you later booze.
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