jeeves

I had been sober for a few years. My life was back on track, I'm currently in premed, hoping to become a M.D. Last weekend I went to a party, typically when I go to parties I fill a red cup with ginger-ale and when people ask me to drink, I tell them I already got this gin and tonic. (little do they know it's only tonic water) Two days earlier I got a letter from my fiancé who is an a treatment center for a botched suicide attempt. She said I was not good for her and we should never keep in touch again. I vomited upon finishing the letter, I didn't feel particularly sad, just sick to my stomach. I ended up going to the party and drinking to a point where I knew I could completely disassociate myself from everything else. In a drunken stupor I bought an 8-ball of crack and half a gram of meth from my old dealer. I smoked some of the crack, but I have the rest lying around my house I feel like ****. I've been to rehab 8 times and am not going again....x

suki44883

If you've been to rehab 8 times already, I doubt there's anything they can teach you that you don't already know. I'm sorry your fiance ended the relationship, but an addict's first impulse is to drink and/or use themselves stupid when they get bad news.

I hope you'll get rid of the stuff you still have lying around the house and figure out what you need to do to stay on track. You can do this.

doggonecarl

Well, you know the drill. Dump the drugs. Get back on track. Deal with the situation with your fiance like a sober adult. Her family could probably use some support.

Nonsensical

Sorry you received bad news from your fiance, but you know how this works. You've done it before. Do it again!

IOAA2

Yes, you can do this if.

We get sober and stay sober for ourselves, period.

We get honest with ourselves about our drinking, period.

We got to want to get sober, period.

Under the haze of drinking this is tough and I hated it however these facts and more I needed to absorb until they are automatic.

BE WELL

KateL

Just get back on the wagon and don't berate yourself for something that is perfectly understandable.

least

I'm sorry your fiancé gave you such bad news in such an abrupt way. That had to hurt.

Get back up on the wagon and start over. You can do this!

Carlotta

Hi

I am sorry you are going through a rough time. If you are in AA, call your sponsor and tell him honestly what happened and like the others said, you know the drill, you know what worked for you so start doing it again. You relapsed, well it's not the end of the world but you need to go back on track NOW before it gets worst.

I hope you will join us in the 24 hours club. It s a supportive thread where we commit to ourselves and to each others not to drink or drug for the next 24 hours. Before you know it, those 24 hours do add up
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...welcome-8.html

neferkamichael

Jeeves, I had been sober for a few years? You know you can do it. Rootin for ya.

Joe Nerv

I'm one of the fortunate ones who went to 1 hospital, 1 rehab, and I've been sober ever since. I think the reason for that is that I jumped into sobriety with complete willingness and no reservations. While I have no experience having slipped myself, I've seen thousands of people relapse multiple times. What I have trouble understanding is how they put the drink down again, yet do nothing differently than they did the first time around. In order to stay sober I believe we have to grow and change, a lot. The only way we can do that is by letting go of old ideas, and welcoming new ones.

Are you part of any recovery program? Have you given AA an earnest shot? Do you have any sort of plan regarding how you're going to stay away from drugs and alcohol and be content in life? I think these are important questions. And I think it's really important to decide on what you'll do differently so you don't spend the rest of your life in and out of hospitals. I know too many people who waste their lives away like that. Sounds like you have a bright future if you get alcohol out of the way. I say do whatever ya gotta do to be done with it, but the problem isn't going to just disappear on its own.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your pain Jeeves - but don't let that pain consume you.
You deserve better - so make sure you're around - and ready - to receive that betterness

get back on the right road - without delay

D

Anna

I hope you can begin to feel better.

You deserve a good life.

soberclover

I'm sorry you hurt. You already know that you need to not drink or use in order to deal with this. I believe that you can do this!

jeeves

Thanks to all of you a ton, this sucks bad. Like really bad, I loved that girl. I smoked some more crack and meth this evening to stay up. Then I took some kolonopin and called my friend. I curled up in ball and just started bawling. I hadn't cried in 4 years, I feel dead inside and it seems the only thing to wake me up is meth. This is horrible it feels like I'm back where I started. Rehab won't help, I've been to various drug treatment facilities since I was 13, ranging from inpatient, wilderness programs, residential treatment centers, mental hospitals for substance abuse and jail if that counts. I called my sponsor she freaked out helped me a bit. I need to get over this myself. Flushing drugs has always made me feel like dying inside. I payed $120 for the 8 ball of crack, $35 for the meth and I bought $80 worth of kolonopins. I can't physically force myself to this. More advice please!

digdug

I'm sorry you're having to deal with so much. Ask your sponsor or some AA folks with time (or NA - whatever fellowship you're in), to come over and help you get rid of the drugs. You can't do this on your own. You need face to face support here. They will help you get back on track.

doggonecarl

You pretty much are back to square one, except for the experience of getting clean and staying clean. So if you are back where you started, do what you did to get where you were a couple of days ago.

Not sure how else to help you. You've rejected all the "outside" help you have be presented with (rehab, inpatient). You need to find some "inside" help.

My solution was spiritual. You find what works for you.

Gilmer

I think you've got to get out of your house and get rid of the drugs. I feel your pain about the cash investment. I couldn't bear to part with my good liquor, either. But I had to.

ckoures

I'm not one to offer advice. And if I could crawl into a corner and cry myself to death, God knows I have begged and pleaded to die one million plus times. No luck. I just did that this Friday and Saturday. And I feel as bad today as I did that day. But you did this once. You can do this again. And I will look here to see that you are putting one step in front of the other, because while I might think God would be perfectly happy if I were dead, I can guarantee you, he doesn't feel that way about you.

LadyWyldOne

Wow I'm sorry to read your losses. It will be difficult to bounce back but you're more than capable as you've proved!! I personally found a specialist, (therapy) that I speak with one on one who knows about addiction and problematic behavior. I have personally have come to realize the need to change comes from with in and strength to do so as well. We are all capable - as long as you want it and know you deserve it. My therapist has helped me address the issues the surround my problem and we are tackling new coping mechanisms. Good luck.

jeeves

UPDATE:

This weekend I smoked a little meth, crack and heroin this weekend and when I was coming down I was besieged with paranoia. I felt terrible like dying. Once I sobered up I planted the remaining drugs in a bush. Called the police and said I found them by mistake. The police thanked me and that was that. I'm talking to my sponsor and some friends who are acting as great supports. I purchased 10 hashish oil liquid capsules at a medical marijuana dispensary. I was not taking these to get high, conversely they helped me intercept the withdrawal symptoms and eased me to sleep. My other options were benzodiazepines which didn't seem too attractive. I do have a number of other drugs at my place but cannot get rid of them, because they are my friends. They are also drugs I have no interest in using Ketamine, LSD, and some research chemicals