Trials and tribulations of dealing with an alcoholic
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 6
Trials and tribulations of dealing with an alcoholic
Hello,
I will be honest as I can A few years back I took on a girl to work for me in my restaurant. She was a very beautiful young woman here form another country having come over when she got engaged. Well I live above my restaurant and am single so when her relationship with her fiancee broke down I offered her the use of my spare room for a short period of time until she got on her feet. I cant deny I was attracted to her. Stunning looking girl.
I lent her money and she found her way to getting a room in an apartment with others. Missed her company but got the money lent paid back and we all worked away as normal. She met someone else shortly after online and moved away to another town.
My number two at the restaurant noticed she would come in some mornings drunk or hungover but I dismissed it/didn't believe him and in fairness she was always well able to do her job either way. She would put away a bottle a night when she used the spare room.
As I was saying she moved away and I kept in touch from a distance. She seemed a very nice person. Any feelings of love for her subsided for me as I gradually dawned on me that she had an issue with alcohol. I visited her once twice during the following year. "Lent" her money to buy her bf a Xmas present. I bought the gift so I know the money wasn't spent on alcohol. I was going to get the money back from her Xmas money her parents sent her over. I got back some of it. I could tell she was desperately lonely in the new town. She was out i the suburbs and had no transport or no job. Her boyfriend was comfortable financially so she didn't need to work for money.
Gradually her relationship with her bf broke down and she came back to the town where I have my business. I put her up for a few weeks until she got her own place. She was getting pieces of work but nothing substantial. I couldn't rehire her because of her drinking.
Early this year I suggested not to mix drink and medication. She hopped off me and we began a six hour sms exchange where she verbally abused me in a very sinister way. I should walked away. Didn't.
Her parents came to visit her and we had a day allocated where I would spend the day with her and her folks. She at last minute said plans had changed and basically screw me. Well I took a gamble that plans hadn't changed and showed up the next day to find them taking the trip she said was cancelled. I went and sat in a seperate spot. She was chilly but eventually thawed out. We went for a meal later on. Her Dad bought a bottle of wine for him, his wife and his daughter. I dont drink. She wanted more of course. He put his put down as though speaking to a child and said no unless she had her own money. Which she did for one drink. I certainly wasn't going to buy her a drink in those cirumstances. Normally when we went for dinner she would have a bottle of wine herself. Well her Mum and herself went out for a smoke break. Her dad was amazingly frank with me regarding her drinking and wanted me to keep him posted as to how she was REALLY getting on. Like most alcoholics I quickly discovered that she is a compulsive liar.
Gradually her circumstances have been getting worse to the point that she is sleeping on a temporary bed in a friend's house. Now this friend is mad about her in the boy/girl way but she just uses that to survive and keep herself in alcohol.
I said to her one evening that I would''nt but her alcohol having seen her polish off 3 bottles the evening before. I knew then something was chronically wrong. I put her Dad in the picture via email regarding his daughter's true circumstances. He told his wife. I can understand that. For some strange reason she told her daughter of my communications with her Dad. The poo hit the fan then. You see she had written her Dad off as being unstable and a generally unreliable person because he tackled her on her drinking. She accused me of putting her parents marriage in danger and more besides. I just walked out of the venue we were in and we engaged later by email. She wanted me to retract what I told her Dad. I refused.
Next evening her friend rang me saying I called this friend and her bf all sorts of names. Which was nonsense. I didn't defend myself. Just let the friend say her piece before this friend hung up. The next evening her friend who she is staying with blanked me on the street. He has no idea how this girl has ridiculed him. She has no regard for him. Indeed I think she doesn't have regard for herself.
People kept telling me run for the hill with this girl. I kept seeing the good in her. We had alot of fun along the way. But that's over now. Any chance that I wanted to re-engage with her were killed when she had the friend ring and abuse me.
Dealing with an alcoholic brings with it increasing drama as time goes on. You are only useful to them while you are buying them drink. I was wrong to buy her drink but I enjoyed her company and I guess deep down I knew that buying her drink was the trade off for her.
Her father asked me to stop enabling her and that coupled with the three bottles of wine in one night convinced me to travel a different road. One which I knew would have consequences. Why would her mother tell her of my contact with her Dad. Doesn't make sense.
I wouldn't normally contact a parent about there child unless there was special circumstances. While I no longer was in love with the girl I cared very much about her. That probably helped prolong my engaging with her as long as I did and to tolerate as much of the nonsense as I did.
Its a relief to have put her behind me for her life is on a downward spiral while she is drinking. She hasn't a clue, at least outwardly, that she has a problem.
Thanks for reading. I feel better for getting this out of my system.
I will be honest as I can A few years back I took on a girl to work for me in my restaurant. She was a very beautiful young woman here form another country having come over when she got engaged. Well I live above my restaurant and am single so when her relationship with her fiancee broke down I offered her the use of my spare room for a short period of time until she got on her feet. I cant deny I was attracted to her. Stunning looking girl.
I lent her money and she found her way to getting a room in an apartment with others. Missed her company but got the money lent paid back and we all worked away as normal. She met someone else shortly after online and moved away to another town.
My number two at the restaurant noticed she would come in some mornings drunk or hungover but I dismissed it/didn't believe him and in fairness she was always well able to do her job either way. She would put away a bottle a night when she used the spare room.
As I was saying she moved away and I kept in touch from a distance. She seemed a very nice person. Any feelings of love for her subsided for me as I gradually dawned on me that she had an issue with alcohol. I visited her once twice during the following year. "Lent" her money to buy her bf a Xmas present. I bought the gift so I know the money wasn't spent on alcohol. I was going to get the money back from her Xmas money her parents sent her over. I got back some of it. I could tell she was desperately lonely in the new town. She was out i the suburbs and had no transport or no job. Her boyfriend was comfortable financially so she didn't need to work for money.
Gradually her relationship with her bf broke down and she came back to the town where I have my business. I put her up for a few weeks until she got her own place. She was getting pieces of work but nothing substantial. I couldn't rehire her because of her drinking.
Early this year I suggested not to mix drink and medication. She hopped off me and we began a six hour sms exchange where she verbally abused me in a very sinister way. I should walked away. Didn't.
Her parents came to visit her and we had a day allocated where I would spend the day with her and her folks. She at last minute said plans had changed and basically screw me. Well I took a gamble that plans hadn't changed and showed up the next day to find them taking the trip she said was cancelled. I went and sat in a seperate spot. She was chilly but eventually thawed out. We went for a meal later on. Her Dad bought a bottle of wine for him, his wife and his daughter. I dont drink. She wanted more of course. He put his put down as though speaking to a child and said no unless she had her own money. Which she did for one drink. I certainly wasn't going to buy her a drink in those cirumstances. Normally when we went for dinner she would have a bottle of wine herself. Well her Mum and herself went out for a smoke break. Her dad was amazingly frank with me regarding her drinking and wanted me to keep him posted as to how she was REALLY getting on. Like most alcoholics I quickly discovered that she is a compulsive liar.
Gradually her circumstances have been getting worse to the point that she is sleeping on a temporary bed in a friend's house. Now this friend is mad about her in the boy/girl way but she just uses that to survive and keep herself in alcohol.
I said to her one evening that I would''nt but her alcohol having seen her polish off 3 bottles the evening before. I knew then something was chronically wrong. I put her Dad in the picture via email regarding his daughter's true circumstances. He told his wife. I can understand that. For some strange reason she told her daughter of my communications with her Dad. The poo hit the fan then. You see she had written her Dad off as being unstable and a generally unreliable person because he tackled her on her drinking. She accused me of putting her parents marriage in danger and more besides. I just walked out of the venue we were in and we engaged later by email. She wanted me to retract what I told her Dad. I refused.
Next evening her friend rang me saying I called this friend and her bf all sorts of names. Which was nonsense. I didn't defend myself. Just let the friend say her piece before this friend hung up. The next evening her friend who she is staying with blanked me on the street. He has no idea how this girl has ridiculed him. She has no regard for him. Indeed I think she doesn't have regard for herself.
People kept telling me run for the hill with this girl. I kept seeing the good in her. We had alot of fun along the way. But that's over now. Any chance that I wanted to re-engage with her were killed when she had the friend ring and abuse me.
Dealing with an alcoholic brings with it increasing drama as time goes on. You are only useful to them while you are buying them drink. I was wrong to buy her drink but I enjoyed her company and I guess deep down I knew that buying her drink was the trade off for her.
Her father asked me to stop enabling her and that coupled with the three bottles of wine in one night convinced me to travel a different road. One which I knew would have consequences. Why would her mother tell her of my contact with her Dad. Doesn't make sense.
I wouldn't normally contact a parent about there child unless there was special circumstances. While I no longer was in love with the girl I cared very much about her. That probably helped prolong my engaging with her as long as I did and to tolerate as much of the nonsense as I did.
Its a relief to have put her behind me for her life is on a downward spiral while she is drinking. She hasn't a clue, at least outwardly, that she has a problem.
Thanks for reading. I feel better for getting this out of my system.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 6
I'm happy that I have. Things unravelled badly in the last two weeks and now we no longer engaged. She has killed my desire to engage to the extent that I have blocked her number. I have been advised if she rings my business to put the phone down once I know its her. Alcoholics are brilliant manipulators. So I must keep on my guard. Nasty piece of work sadly. I remind myself that I have much the better life and that she is only existing.
After getting that phone call from her friend I messaged two close mutual friends to give them a heads up if they hear I have spoken ill of them its nonsense.
After getting that phone call from her friend I messaged two close mutual friends to give them a heads up if they hear I have spoken ill of them its nonsense.
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