Stash

Im nine days away from being sober for a year and i couldnt feel more alone. Yesterday my brother celebrated his birthday, i wanted to drink with so bad i even had an anxiety attack. i feel like giving up. Im tired of being sober, tired of being alone, tired of avoiding people who are drinking. Im mostly tired of being strong enough to get through one more day. Ive never wanted to give up mu sobriety so bad! Im so angry and im heart broken . Im just tired of trying so hard to be sober and happy , i feel like it means nothing to anyone else. I cant wait til i wake up tomorrow so this feeling will be yesterdays problem. Theres my vent, my rant ... Im tired and i just dont care about my commitment right. I know ill be fine, ill het passed this but right now in this moment i feel like crap.

Kaneda8888

Wow, Stash. You're almost at a huge milestone !! Dont fall into the trap of self-sabotaging. Think of all the hard work you have put in to reach the 1 year mark. Dont give up !!

Are you keeping yourself healthy, ie, eating and hydrating ok ? Keep posting here and stay connected !

LadyinBC

Stash congrats on almost a year! That is huge.

Your feelings are not uncommon when reaching milestones. I had lots of mixed feelings when I was coming up to year from what am I really working on here I'm sick of it to I haven't done enought yet. My feelings were all over the place.

Hang tight, breath deep, this will pass.

Leana

Stash- do you have any sober friends? People you get together with that drinking won't be an issue because all are either non-drinkers or in recovery? I know for me, that helped.

So what happen today specifically to bring this on? Or has this been coming on for a while and you just picked tonight to post?

Stash

I have sober friends and i try to be around them the most. I keep busy with work. This was brought on bc of my brothers bday . I usually drink with him and i felt really left out. like he was avoiding me bc he was drinking. I know he means well but it hurts me. Like i said im just tired. Im not going to drink. I never want to live that life style again. This month is crazy. I quit drinking bc my aunt died bc she was drunk. Her anniversary is coming up, i quit drinking on that day. Its just a lot of things coming together and i dont feel ready for it. Stress , greiving, and feeling left out is making me feel crazy. I canf wait for my sobriety date im going to celebrate with a dinner with familh n friends. I wish i could invite you all. The people here have helped me so much.

LadyinBC

You know Stash we have to change alot of things when we quit drinking. It can be a bit daunting that we are doing the changing and having to do things different while everyone else is staying and doing things the same way.

We will all be with you in spirit Stash!

Mags1

Hi Stash , stay strong, what a great milestone, nearly a year. That's brilliant.

I wonder if our friends and family don't know how to behave to our new persona. Most people I know drink! I now find them boring when dashing off to pub after work.

I was in Tesco today and at the tills everyone around me had alcohol in their trollies. I was so pleased I wasn't caught up in the booze side of Christmas, this year.

Dee74

Like others have said milestones can do strange things to us - so can festive seasons.
I hope you feel less low really soon

D

MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, Stash! I realize there's not much helpful I can say except that. I've felt like you do at times, but I think it will pass. Sobriety can be like that picture you drew with your crayons; you think it's great but mom doesn't hang it on the fridge. That's part of our burden and one reason we go on drinking so long after it stops "working" for us. Probably your brother means well and doesn't realize he's hurting you by avoiding you when he drinks.

I'm not a big country fan but there's an old song by the Oak Ridge Boys that I think of sometimes. The lyrics go:

Sometimes it makes me sad
that we never said goodbye.
But I guess it never hurts
to hurt sometimes.

It's that last part that I come back to- that it doesn't hurt to hurt sometimes. We have to get to the point where we can be okay with stuff not being okay, if that makes sense. None of us alcoholics asked for the hand we were dealt but we have the play the cards we got.

Maybe do something nice/fun for yourself to pick up your spirits? See a movie, eat a donut, something silly or whatever. Some days our journey takes up down the path to where we want to be. Other days it just gets us a little further from a place we don't want to be. The former is best but the latter is acceptable.

Chuck48

Cravings are just that--a passing whim. Feel it, and let it pass you by. You'll feel better afterwards, I can promise you.

I've been in your position, and I had to literally bite my fingers to let the feeling go. Do whatever you need to do. You have a whole bunch of people rooting for you :-)

afloatsober

Stash
Try to remember your motivation or stopping in the first place. If you were anything like me it wasn't because i was having much fun....
And i know from experience that going back to it is a big mistake. When on about hour 3 i'm thinking 'my God why have i done this to myself again, and how the hell am i going to stop'
You have done so well buddy and people like you give people like me hope.
Celebrate your year sober on here and don't kill the next person that says 'it will get better!
We know, deep down, that they are telling the truth.
Gary