Lapse or relapse whats the difference?
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Lapse or relapse whats the difference?
Hey
This is just a curious thread on your thoughts (I haven't lapsed or relapsed!)
Just going to meetings has got me curious.
If your sober and have a blip, maybe drink once and get back on track, do you start again from day 1? Or take it as a blip and keep moving forward with recovery?
I'm not sure what I think, if you go on a bender for a few days/weeks/months I definitely think you end up back at day 1, but a blip... I'm not sure. That makes me wonder when people say they have a few years sobriety if they've ever slipped or not. Thoughts?
This is just a curious thread on your thoughts (I haven't lapsed or relapsed!)
Just going to meetings has got me curious.
If your sober and have a blip, maybe drink once and get back on track, do you start again from day 1? Or take it as a blip and keep moving forward with recovery?
I'm not sure what I think, if you go on a bender for a few days/weeks/months I definitely think you end up back at day 1, but a blip... I'm not sure. That makes me wonder when people say they have a few years sobriety if they've ever slipped or not. Thoughts?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Not really sure what I think. I used to go by the rule that as long as I didn't get $hitfaced, then it was a 'blip', not sure what I think about that now. (no, I haven't had even a sip either)
On the other hand though - there are people that think if you so much as sniff your hand after using handwash with alcohol in, then you've lapsed. I do think that's a bit extreme
On the other hand though - there are people that think if you so much as sniff your hand after using handwash with alcohol in, then you've lapsed. I do think that's a bit extreme
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If I had anything to drink,intentionally then I'd consider myself back at day 1.My period of sobriety would have ended by taking a drink.Of course, I'd still have the period of time previously where I'd been sober and aim to get back again.
For me if I had a drink and didn't go back to day 1 it would be too easy to keep going and do it again and again even though the only person I'd be fooling would be me.
I'd be more concerned about WHY I'd had a drink and what had gone wrong with my recovery.
For me if I had a drink and didn't go back to day 1 it would be too easy to keep going and do it again and again even though the only person I'd be fooling would be me.
I'd be more concerned about WHY I'd had a drink and what had gone wrong with my recovery.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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Hi Twinings -
If I am mentally cognizant that I drank, then yes I would start counting as Day 1 regardless if I had 1 or many. It's a slippery slope & I personally consider them the same with respect to staying sober as they are both drinking.
If I am mentally cognizant that I drank, then yes I would start counting as Day 1 regardless if I had 1 or many. It's a slippery slope & I personally consider them the same with respect to staying sober as they are both drinking.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 95
A slip is a slip, one drink and you are not on the path of sobriety. Back to day 1. That's my opinion of it at least.
Now, if you slip and have just one and can stop yourself there, pat yourself on the back and don't think of it as an excuse to keep going. You slipped but you pulled out of it. Don't slip and slide....that was only fun with water when we were kids! Slipping and sliding with booze is way too dangerous.
In summery, yes, 1 drink is back to day 1 but it's not an excuse to "live it up" and finish the bottle because you'll only hate yourself more in the morning. Spoken from fresh experience.
Now, if you slip and have just one and can stop yourself there, pat yourself on the back and don't think of it as an excuse to keep going. You slipped but you pulled out of it. Don't slip and slide....that was only fun with water when we were kids! Slipping and sliding with booze is way too dangerous.
In summery, yes, 1 drink is back to day 1 but it's not an excuse to "live it up" and finish the bottle because you'll only hate yourself more in the morning. Spoken from fresh experience.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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If your goal in sobriety is that it's OK to just have a drink or two every now and then, I suppose you can justify a "lapse".
For me I view sobriety as total abstinance. If I drink, I have broken my promise. It doesn't have to be complicated.
For me I view sobriety as total abstinance. If I drink, I have broken my promise. It doesn't have to be complicated.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Been thinking and yes, if I deliberately drank anything, even a mouthful, then it would be a relapse and I'd go back to day 1.
If it was accidental for any reason, then that would be a different matter.
If it was accidental for any reason, then that would be a different matter.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Australia
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I think it has a lot to do with motives....
What I learned through studying Alcohol & other Drug work is that in counselling terms, a lapse is a "hiccup" and a relapse is full-blown return to "old behaviours", as well as active addiction.
Xx
What I learned through studying Alcohol & other Drug work is that in counselling terms, a lapse is a "hiccup" and a relapse is full-blown return to "old behaviours", as well as active addiction.
Xx
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Originally Posted by Quinne 
I think it has a lot to do with motives....
What I learned through studying Alcohol & other Drug work is that in counselling terms, a lapse is a "hiccup" and a relapse is full-blown return to "old behaviours", as well as active addiction.
Xx
What I learned through studying Alcohol & other Drug work is that in counselling terms, a lapse is a "hiccup" and a relapse is full-blown return to "old behaviours", as well as active addiction.
Xx
I was thinking they were both the same thing, just a slightly different word. Actually, when you think about the words, it does make sense Xx
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I think it all depends on the goal. My opinion is that when you begin at day 1 that's the first day that you abstained from alcohol. If your goal is to remain completely abstinent and you have any alcohol on any given day you're back at day 1 the next day you abstain.
The only caveat to this would be if you unknowingly took a drink of something that had alcohol in it. I know if I did that and realized it had alcohol I'd be finding someplace to spit it out. If I did swallow it and then realized it the drink would be dumped but I would still not hold it against myself because I didn't do it knowingly.
Here's a good question.
I commit to you that I am going to run 5 miles a day for 30 days STRAIGHT. Straight is definitely the key word here. I get to day 7 having done 5 miles each day. On day 8 I begin to run but 3.5 miles into the run I get really tired and my ankle is sore. Plus, there's a lot of people on the running path so it makes it hard for me to keep pace. I decide that I'm going to give up at 3.5 and I'll go back to the 5 miles the next day.
If I came to you and told you that due to the fact that I got tired, my ankle was sore, and people were in my way that I had to stop at 3.5 would you tell me "oh, that's ok, at least you tried so we can just put that day out of our minds and not count it"? At the end of the 30 day period (being real here) can you truly say that you ran 5 miles for 30 days straight or does that one 3.5 day not count because you and I excused it?
It never ceases to amaze me how alcohol plays with our minds. You can spend a lifetime of making excuses as to why a day shouldn't really count. However, did you do what it is that you said that you were going to do or not?
Although I'm an extreme advocate for feeling good about how many days in a row you've spent sober it's also sometimes a deal breaker for people in recovery. They take that drink and just give up because it's back to Day 1. I understand that completely, I would be devastated to lose the time that I have in and I've even had dreams about it. I've watched people on here struggle with the fact that they've had to go back after all the time that they have in.
The goal should always be to not take that first drink. The further out you get the harder it will be to admit to being back to day 1. However, that should not ever negate the work that you did for the time before you took the drink. You learned, you used tools. It's just that for a fleeting moment something happened where those tools didn't work.
Get back on the horse, learn from it, and move on. Don't beat yourself up!
Take the time to ponder that first drink and the repercussions beforehand and be honest with yourself.
Just my take.
The only caveat to this would be if you unknowingly took a drink of something that had alcohol in it. I know if I did that and realized it had alcohol I'd be finding someplace to spit it out. If I did swallow it and then realized it the drink would be dumped but I would still not hold it against myself because I didn't do it knowingly.
Here's a good question.
I commit to you that I am going to run 5 miles a day for 30 days STRAIGHT. Straight is definitely the key word here. I get to day 7 having done 5 miles each day. On day 8 I begin to run but 3.5 miles into the run I get really tired and my ankle is sore. Plus, there's a lot of people on the running path so it makes it hard for me to keep pace. I decide that I'm going to give up at 3.5 and I'll go back to the 5 miles the next day.
If I came to you and told you that due to the fact that I got tired, my ankle was sore, and people were in my way that I had to stop at 3.5 would you tell me "oh, that's ok, at least you tried so we can just put that day out of our minds and not count it"? At the end of the 30 day period (being real here) can you truly say that you ran 5 miles for 30 days straight or does that one 3.5 day not count because you and I excused it?
It never ceases to amaze me how alcohol plays with our minds. You can spend a lifetime of making excuses as to why a day shouldn't really count. However, did you do what it is that you said that you were going to do or not?
Although I'm an extreme advocate for feeling good about how many days in a row you've spent sober it's also sometimes a deal breaker for people in recovery. They take that drink and just give up because it's back to Day 1. I understand that completely, I would be devastated to lose the time that I have in and I've even had dreams about it. I've watched people on here struggle with the fact that they've had to go back after all the time that they have in.
The goal should always be to not take that first drink. The further out you get the harder it will be to admit to being back to day 1. However, that should not ever negate the work that you did for the time before you took the drink. You learned, you used tools. It's just that for a fleeting moment something happened where those tools didn't work.
Get back on the horse, learn from it, and move on. Don't beat yourself up!
Take the time to ponder that first drink and the repercussions beforehand and be honest with yourself.
Just my take.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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I get where you're coming from. I was thinking a lot about this earlier and related it in my mind to driving lessons. If you do the lessons, then fail the test, you go back and revise / relearn the things you failed on and eventually, you pass.
That's as far as I've got in my thinking so far Kinda wish I'd never started reading this thread 
That's as far as I've got in my thinking so far
Kinda wish I'd never started reading this thread Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
For me, a conscious decision to take a drink or put alcohol in my body is a relapse, not a lapse, but we can argue about semantics for days.
If, however, I accidentally ingest alcohol (say I pick up the wrong cup or glass at a party and take a sip) then I do not consider that a relapse.
These kind of threads usually generate a lot of hotly debated opinions since most recovery programs (esp AA) say one drink is a relapse. Period.
Just like in life, some are more dogmatic than others. In the end, it is up to you. The reason why AA and some of the other recovery programs do say that one is a slip no matter what is because most of us addicts, if we know that a minor "lapse," "relapse," whatever, is OK, we are off to the races. If not off to the races, then we store that little nugget in the back of our brains (unknowingly, often) and it WILL come back again in the future. Most certainly.
I used to think when I saw other AAers (I am in AA) get on here and get super righteous about a slip, that they were just unforgiving and somewhat uppity. While in some cases that might be true, the real reason behind that attitude is what I described above. Addiction is addiction. Open the door a crack and you'll be walking the mile soon enough.
At the end of the day, however, it's up to you. Because, ultimately, to thine own self be true, right? I would err on the side of "never again," though.
Just to be safe
If, however, I accidentally ingest alcohol (say I pick up the wrong cup or glass at a party and take a sip) then I do not consider that a relapse.
These kind of threads usually generate a lot of hotly debated opinions since most recovery programs (esp AA) say one drink is a relapse. Period.
Just like in life, some are more dogmatic than others. In the end, it is up to you. The reason why AA and some of the other recovery programs do say that one is a slip no matter what is because most of us addicts, if we know that a minor "lapse," "relapse," whatever, is OK, we are off to the races. If not off to the races, then we store that little nugget in the back of our brains (unknowingly, often) and it WILL come back again in the future. Most certainly.
I used to think when I saw other AAers (I am in AA) get on here and get super righteous about a slip, that they were just unforgiving and somewhat uppity. While in some cases that might be true, the real reason behind that attitude is what I described above. Addiction is addiction. Open the door a crack and you'll be walking the mile soon enough.
At the end of the day, however, it's up to you. Because, ultimately, to thine own self be true, right? I would err on the side of "never again," though.
Just to be safe
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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I'm with you on that Pt
I'm also in AA but believe that everyone has their own path. In finality it comes down to honesty with yourself. 1000 people can tell you what a slip, hiccup, or relapse means to them but what's more important is what it means to you.
When you ask yourself the question is the outcome how you really feel or are you just trying to make yourself feel better about it?
Again, total honesty.
I'm also in AA but believe that everyone has their own path. In finality it comes down to honesty with yourself. 1000 people can tell you what a slip, hiccup, or relapse means to them but what's more important is what it means to you.
When you ask yourself the question is the outcome how you really feel or are you just trying to make yourself feel better about it?
Again, total honesty.
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Skye I get what you're saying. What I was also trying to do was to remove alcohol from the equation and through analogy point out how amazing it is how our minds work when it comes to alcohol.
Logically speaking if you say you're going to do something for 30 days in a row and you keep count if it's something that's non alcohol related we have reasoning. Did we do it for 30 days straight or not? It's a simple answer.
Throw alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful into that mix and all if a sudden all logic goes out the window.
We will find any way that we can to make an excuse for ourselves and in addition we will look to others who would do the same to assist us in feeling better about it. It's both sad and laughable at the same time.
Logically speaking if you say you're going to do something for 30 days in a row and you keep count if it's something that's non alcohol related we have reasoning. Did we do it for 30 days straight or not? It's a simple answer.
Throw alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful into that mix and all if a sudden all logic goes out the window.
We will find any way that we can to make an excuse for ourselves and in addition we will look to others who would do the same to assist us in feeling better about it. It's both sad and laughable at the same time.
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Join Date: May 2013
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For me, I think it really comes down to the definition of the word. It's one of the reasons I prefer to say I am staying abstinent rather than sober.
One can drink, and remain sober, normie's do it all the time. I can not drink and remain sober, therefor I choose to remain abstinent of alcohol.
So if you're goal is abstinence, then yes it would be day 1 all over again. But life is full of repeat Day 1's. You just pick up and move on.
One can drink, and remain sober, normie's do it all the time. I can not drink and remain sober, therefor I choose to remain abstinent of alcohol.
So if you're goal is abstinence, then yes it would be day 1 all over again. But life is full of repeat Day 1's. You just pick up and move on.
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Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
Skye I get what you're saying. What I was also trying to do was to remove alcohol from the equation and through analogy point out how amazing it is how our minds work when it comes to alcohol.
Logically speaking if you say you're going to do something for 30 days in a row and you keep count if it's something that's non alcohol related we have reasoning. Did we do it for 30 days straight or not? It's a simple answer.
Throw alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful into that mix and all if a sudden all logic goes out the window.
We will find any way that we can to make an excuse for ourselves and in addition we will look to others who would do the same to assist us in feeling better about it. It's both sad and laughable at the same time.
Logically speaking if you say you're going to do something for 30 days in a row and you keep count if it's something that's non alcohol related we have reasoning. Did we do it for 30 days straight or not? It's a simple answer.
Throw alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful into that mix and all if a sudden all logic goes out the window.
We will find any way that we can to make an excuse for ourselves and in addition we will look to others who would do the same to assist us in feeling better about it. It's both sad and laughable at the same time.
I think the best thing to do, is just avoid the vile stuff altogether
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