autan

Hi Everyone,

I tried to stop drinking in September and went through a terrible week of physical and emotional withdrawal from alcohol. I lasted a little over a week and a friend came up from the Isle of Wight and I told myself I could handle it.

Anyway disaster, has a drink or two and start drinking again regularly after that. Tried again in Mid October and had terrible flash backs to my past, these intensified with each passing day.

I spoke to my GP (Doctor) about what I was trying to do and my experiences. He told me that he was going to refer me to the Hospital for professional rehab.

First day out. (Officially I have been clean for a week), but that was under controlled conditions.

Its seems I had a deep seated underlying event that has caused my subconscious to emanate and relive the events of a traumatic night when I was young. Basically I blamed myself for a attack my Mother suffered, because I was too little to help her. In affect, I used alcohol to firstly block out the event and then secondly to punish myself for what I saw as my fault.

When I attempted to remove alcohol from my life, which to some degree I managed quite successfully, the subconscious was unchained and tormented me.

In rehab, I had at lot of hypnosis and regression therapy, only when this started to work with therapy did I then try to stop drinking again.

Its seems to be working, but now I have left the Priory and at home, today is my new day one on my own.

I have no desire to drink or cravings which is a positive.

My Doctor has perscribed me vitamins and amino acids which he claims have a 98% chance of keeping me away from the booze and eliminating cravings altogether.

I am on the following:

6000mg (4 x 1500mg) of Vitamin C
2000mg (2 x 1000mg) of Glutathione
1000mg Vitamin B Complex
No Alcohol
Willpower still required.
2 x AA meetings per day for 8 weeks.

This is my first attempt to quit alcohol with so much help.

My Wife, told me something lovely today.

"Dont give, I know you can make it through, I am here for you".

I am married to a very special woman indeed. After everything I have put her through.

anchorbird

Just keep remembering that you do deserve a better way of life. Try not to think of what you are missing out on by not drinking, but what you will be gaining!

autan

I am beginning to realise that its not alcohol that is the problem, it is me that is the problem and that I abuse alcohol. I used to blame alcohol for everything and now I see it was me. I had to fix myself first and now I have to live this better way of life. Your right anchorbird, I do deserve better so does my family.

I am gaining my life for the first time and not losing alcohol. Quite frankly a drink in a glass just isn't worth that much to be anymore.

Anna

Yes, and I agree that alcohol is not the problem. Stopping drinking is necessary, but only the first step. I had a lot of inside work to do and made many changes in my life.

I'm glad you are focused on your recovery.

WhoDey

Very well said. I'm on my second try at sobriety (day 9) and it feels different this time. Previously, I read people writing what you stated, but I didn't embrace it ... didn't believe it ... didn't feel that it applied to me. I just had a habit that I needed to break.

Now I can see how I used alcohol to cope ... to cover up. I'm just scratching the surface of all that I have to learn, so I don't want this to seem like I've made some Grand Discovery, but it's a light bulb moment to me.

You should feel proud for taking the necessary steps to get better.

autan

Thank you. I agree that quitting drinking isn't a matter of how many days you can go without drinking. This is a very torturous way of trying to quit anything. For instance, when was the last time you counted how many days you have gone without eating Bacon or how many days since you were last on a plane.

I had become fixated in getting to the next day, without having a good long hard look at what causes or leads me to want to abuse alcohol.

WhoDey

Interesting that you say this. Last time I was a day-counting-machine. This time not so much. I like numbers, so I do keep track, but not like I did last time.

Oh ... 33 days since I've had bacon. (Kidding ... but it has been a while!)

Bilr44

Autran,

I think you are definitely right about not being concerned with days, but rather the cause. I was trying to figure that out for myself. I was a binge drinker on weekends when I was younger. After I got married, my wife has always worked long hours and we moved far away from old friends. I think with the loneliness, I made the bottle my friend.

autan

Alcohol is associated with having fun, a good time, being with friends or family, even praying to God. (Holy Communion), its a part of feeling great.

I believe that the alcohol problems start, when things in our life make us unhappy and so we drink to make us relate to the times we felt great. Doenst always work, so we try different drinks, drinking in the day as well as night, drink all the time. Covert drinking at work.

Before we know where we are, we are drinking too much. Not everyone that drinks too much is an alcoholic, but my definition and I must state my definition is this.

A person who abuses alcohol in order to feel better about themselves, when they feel unhappy.

Alcohol is not a demon or demigod, it doesnt tie your hands behind you back, put a gun to your head and forces your mouth open for you to drink. It is a simply act of you picking up and drink yourself, rationalising it and taking a sip.

If you feel unhappy, change that problem, alcohol doesnt have the power to change any problems, but it can make new ones alright.

pinkdog

Dear autan, we are here for you. Hugs.

least

I'm glad you have the support of your wife. That really helps.

autan

She deserves the man I can be, not the man I was.

wpainterw

Autan:
Good luck to you and congratulations on your entry into recovery. I often blamed my alcoholism on stuff that had happened in my family, particularly the illness of my sister and her premature death. But eventually I realized that I was doing that primarily to give myself an excuse to drink and that I drank because I was or had become an alcoholic. I had years of counseling, didn't get well until I had the help of other alcoholics. It's a complex illness and seems to result from many different things, heredity, personality characteristics, like shyness, loneliness, boredom, social and cultural factors, such as going with a "party" crowd, and later on the physiological and psychological changes which alcohol brings about. I think the decisive factor in my getting into recovery was the help and companionship of other alcoholics. Good luck.

W.

jade12

thanks for your post - wish you well in your recovery