Good and Bad in My Recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 212
Good and Bad in My Recovery
Hello everyone! I'm coming up on 3 months sober. I feel I'm working it and change is happening!
I'm very excited about my first sober Halloween tomorrow! I'm making all kinds of cool treats for my kids and their friends, dressing up. It's about my kids and their good time this year, imagine that! Well, mine too, since I'm a big kid.
Things are rolling along great in AA and with my counsler. A couple of days ago I had to let go of a toxic friendship. I felt good and bad about it. It was something I had to do for a long time. And now since I'm learning about self love and esteem, I just did it! She belittled me for the last time! And I was nice about it! Crazy! Lol
Anyway, here is the bad...I feel like my recovery is like peeling an onion. I keep seeing and learning more and more. Right now I'm stuck on how to deal with people closest me.
It seems the people closest to me are either alcoholics or codependants. Most of the time I think about telling all of them, "Get in recovery so we can all start getting better, you'll love it!" Lol, that is probably the codependant in me.
Idk, I guess I'm scared that I have toxic relationships that I don't want to get rid of, but don't know how to set boundaries in them, without the person getting rid of me.
It has been suggested I go to Alanon, and I will. Just wondering if anyone has had experience with this and how did you deal with it. Thanks
I'm very excited about my first sober Halloween tomorrow! I'm making all kinds of cool treats for my kids and their friends, dressing up. It's about my kids and their good time this year, imagine that! Well, mine too, since I'm a big kid.
Things are rolling along great in AA and with my counsler. A couple of days ago I had to let go of a toxic friendship. I felt good and bad about it. It was something I had to do for a long time. And now since I'm learning about self love and esteem, I just did it! She belittled me for the last time! And I was nice about it! Crazy! Lol
Anyway, here is the bad...I feel like my recovery is like peeling an onion. I keep seeing and learning more and more. Right now I'm stuck on how to deal with people closest me.
It seems the people closest to me are either alcoholics or codependants. Most of the time I think about telling all of them, "Get in recovery so we can all start getting better, you'll love it!" Lol, that is probably the codependant in me.
Idk, I guess I'm scared that I have toxic relationships that I don't want to get rid of, but don't know how to set boundaries in them, without the person getting rid of me.
It has been suggested I go to Alanon, and I will. Just wondering if anyone has had experience with this and how did you deal with it. Thanks
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,329
I guess you have to figure out what is more important, your sobriety or your toxic relationships. You already know this but you can't change others addictions, they have to want it. Luckily I moved about 1000 miles away from my old drinking buddies so that isn't a problem. About 3 years ago I was 90 days sober and didn't drink with them even though they still drank. I just told them that I could be the designated driver. One thing that drunks love is a designated driver.
But saying all that, it is a slippery slope when hanging out with people that still drink, unless you are really comfortable in your own sobriety. My guess is that 90 days is probably still early.
Have a great Halloween with the kids.
But saying all that, it is a slippery slope when hanging out with people that still drink, unless you are really comfortable in your own sobriety. My guess is that 90 days is probably still early.
Have a great Halloween with the kids.
AlmA
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Marbella Spain
Posts: 714
Just one thought...
DO NOT KEEP THIS FRIENDS AROUND YOU...
They are toxic.
as you can be drawn to it again easily...
If you are not surrounded you have better chances to survive...
Join activities with healthy people...
Start involving with other people and little by little you will be in a new circle,
you will be conformable and not looking at others... trust me!!!
That is my thought... and my experience...
DO NOT KEEP THIS FRIENDS AROUND YOU...
They are toxic.
as you can be drawn to it again easily...
If you are not surrounded you have better chances to survive...
Join activities with healthy people...
Start involving with other people and little by little you will be in a new circle,
you will be conformable and not looking at others... trust me!!!
That is my thought... and my experience...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 212
All good advice guys, thank you. I know all of you are right. All the people I am refering to are family. And I mean about 98% of them. I know there will come a time where I can set myself apart from their sickness and just be. But I know it's too early for that. I'm just nervous that at this time I can't be around them, and it worries me. Idk, I guess this is the perfect time to trust that if I keep doing good things will work out. Thanks again
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I think you'll find a time when you can be around them but it just might take a while... I found it got a lot easier to be around people drinking after the 8 month mark. I tried to redefine my relationships with some friends, meeting them for short periods in the day and that helped maintain some friendships where otherwise I might have just totally avoided them x
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Hello Black Bird! Yay, well done on nearly 3 months! I'm also 3 months sober. Well done for letting go of the toxic friendship. I also had "friends" who belittled me at every opportunity. I'm no longer in contact with any of them.
As for toxic family relationships, yeah I have those too. I feel like I should be either cutting my parents out of my life for a while or setting better boundaries with them but as you're finding out that is easier said than done.
I'm also in AA and I heard a share a while ago that summed it up like so: getting sober with your family nearby is "advanced recovery".
Like you say, I guess we have to keep doing good things and trust that it will all work out. Just do the next right thing.
As for toxic family relationships, yeah I have those too. I feel like I should be either cutting my parents out of my life for a while or setting better boundaries with them but as you're finding out that is easier said than done.
I'm also in AA and I heard a share a while ago that summed it up like so: getting sober with your family nearby is "advanced recovery".
Like you say, I guess we have to keep doing good things and trust that it will all work out. Just do the next right thing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
The part I find hard is not the actual drinking but my old habits come out of the woodwork.
I am fine in AA meetings and with people in recovery but when I am around someone that I used to drink with and is still drinking it is like my attitude resorts back to the way it used to be. I am judgmental, irritable and negative. The old way of thinking creeps back in.
I am fine in AA meetings and with people in recovery but when I am around someone that I used to drink with and is still drinking it is like my attitude resorts back to the way it used to be. I am judgmental, irritable and negative. The old way of thinking creeps back in.
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