Sidney14

When is the past the past and why is it that some people just can't let go of it when I have. To make it clearer yesterday I was pulled aside by my immediate boss also it was mid year performance assessment time, telling me that the first three month of the financial year I was doing extremely well, then he noticed changes in the last three months like to be honest little mistakes not huge mistakes and he felt that I had been very preoccupied like full in my head, I guess coincidently yes I put my house one the market sold and bought a new one, all whilst trying to hold down the job,look after three girls single handledly meeting all of their demands, so I guess preoccupied yes you could say but it is those things I am not allowed to talk about to him since last time at. The same time funnily around that time in the year I had a complete nervousness breakdown due to an abusive relationship and he feels he got too involved which I am not sure what he was talking about there but in any case. The point here was that I felt my past was there again even though thinking rationally anyone. Moving selling buying houses would be the same or really is it just me?....

Dee74

Hi Sidney

I know it might seem unfair but really the purpose of a job review is to look over the past few months.

I must have missed something though - why aren't you allowed to talk about that stuff with him?

D

Sidney14

Dee, last time I explained to him that I was going through a tough time with an abusive relationship I kept on working since it was the only place where I felt safe and some relief, but my personal life I.e the stress of the situation at home escalating had me break down at work and not cope as well as I should have so they put me on forced annual leave for two months using all my sick leave and any annual leave I had .....when I came back to work the first thing my boss said was that he actually was very surprised I came back to work.....etc, I went back to work Jan 2013 and have had only positive feedback from him until yesterday, and it is silly feedback about small mistakes, I guess he has not stopped observing and analysing my behaviour ever since I have come back to work........the only thing he said is that Aug Sept and Oct I seemed to have been very busy in my head and not as focused at work, no real valid reasons and then he made a point of not wanting to know as to why and so on....

Dee74

That sounds weird to me that he would forget all that stuff that led you to take time off and, and then make a point of not wanting to know any reasons behind what he feels is a dip in your performance.

I'm not really sure what you could do about that.

Maybe things have changed a lot in the 20 years since I worked in an office.


Do you still have the stress at home, or have you done something about that?

D

Sidney14

The relationship finished I took the time off as the requested, came back to work Jan this year, as expected I was observed closely to see if the way I focused on my work changed or would changed things were more relaxed then yes I put my house on the market which was a huge thing for me and it what a bit of a stress factor for me in getting the place ready for open house finally selling and finding a new place, so yes my mind was full but every time I try to talk to him about things like that like stuff not deep stuff really just selling house etc or anything remotely when it comes to my kids, he just withdraws or changes the conversation, I mean I am a human being I am not perfect and I like everyone else makes mistakes or if they are going through a divorce, lose someone etc.....but he just does not want me even to tell him what the reasons might be he chats away with his managers about other stuff than just work but seems to always cut it short with me. Like he does not want to know anything. My company is quite big a lot of politics.....and yes all that is left is for me to pack up and move myself and three girls to the new place for which I will take time off. I guess I am just struggling that I feel like I can't talk to him about things like that ....I don't know......I guess I shrug it off but still don't get why he has to draw such a tough line with me? is it to protect himself ? From what?

likehappiness

From being an office manager before I can give you somewhat of another way he/she may be looking at it.

He maybe feels he crossed the line by getting too involved the first time. Yes, he would need to know why you are taking time off but maybe he does not want to know any more personal information than he has to because then he would feel obligated to tell the human resources department. He may not want to do that. The less he knows the better of he is and none of it can impact your performance because he can't base it off of your personal life. Also there is the chance he/she doesn't want it to come back on him because he has been more compassionate and helpful to you than other people in the office. Co-workers have a way of rearing their ugly heads when they feel they are being slighted in some way or that others are allowed more lee-way in their personal lives ie...time off, work load, friendships in the work place...

I used to try to be friends with people I managed in the office and got kicked in the teeth more times then I could count. Unfortunately found out the hard way that a line had to be drawn. Too bad there is always a few that have to ruin it for everyone.

Since you are having a hard time you may want to find a friend or someone outside of the office to confide in. Try to stay focused at work. Also, while he told you something you didn't want to hear it is probably meant as a heads up give you something to improve on and that you can work through your personal problems. If you have been a good employee prior to all these problems then you will be a good employee again. It's a pain for employers to hire and train new employees. Everyone goes through trying times at work. I am sure he wants it to be better for you too.

finaltime

Remember that how you perceive things might be different then how he sees them. I notice with myself I make things into a much bigger deal then they really are. Also, remember he is your boss. That is it. Not your friend, not your confidant, nothing. How I have to look at things with my job is my management team just wants someone that will come in and do a good job, no drama etc. Since I am a recovering addict, single mom, need to take time off when kid is sick, need to leave early to pick them up etc, I raise a flag. So in my mind I get insecure about things, and want some feeling that things are okay by my boss. But I am not going to get that. But, I have to know that inside i am doing the best I can do. Kids first of course, but job has to be okay since I need the income.

Sometimes we need to take our thoughts and insecurities and realize its not that big. You are doing a great job, and he should've never said that to you, but you admit you had a lot on your plate. A LOT. Just like him saying he was surprised you came back. That is not what you wanted to hear. That is like at my work so many of people say 'are you okay' instead of 'how are you' (they are from other countries) well I assume I don't look okay, or whatever. But that is just their way of asking how I am??? So odd to me.

Honestly, know you are doing a good job, keep your head on straight, keep your head up, and turn to us when you need to vent! We are proud of you!