Cleanman

Hello, everyone. I hope this title is what I think it is
At first, I am very sorry for my english, this is not my mother language, so don`t be rude about my grammar mistakes.

So, I `ll start with that I have smoked weed from time I was just 15 years old, now I am almost 24. Also I have been drinking a lot for some time, some years ago. I had an access to weed every day, perfectly grow weed. I smoked about 5G a day ussualy, sometimes it was up to 10G a day and even then I could do more, but I couldnt afford it more..

I was like a guy from Mac Millers song - "I smoke till I halucinate"..
I really loved this process and I thought I wont stop it never ever! I smoked strains like Orange Agent, AK-47, White Widow.
I smoked cigaretes and then I started to smoke rolling tobace, becauze it was much cheaper. And I got so accustomed to tabaco, that I couldnt smoke no cigaretes at all! Then somehow I could use one (40g) pack of tobacco for almost 2 months, becauze I used it for weed, as a mix.

I lived with my parents and then I decided that I will move in with my girlfriend. And last moth before I quit weed I felt that after smoking it, my hands started to sweat and I felt discomfort. And that month (last month I smoked weed) i did it just some 5 times, 5 evenings. At that time I had a, how to name it? - Astral dream and i dont know why I thought I am gaining powers to control everything around me, even weather (sounds crazy, huh?)

And so it began, few days I thought that I really control everything around me, like I am a God or something. It is really unexplainable.

That day, when everything changed i will call a "boom" day...
Four days before "boom" day i didnt eat and drink anything at all, and the problem was that I just forgot it (its not because I had memory problems), I just didnt want to eat. Just before the "doom" day I had some crazy stuff around me, I dont know was it for really, but I predicted a lot of things, like I have connected to some higher powers, like I have unlocked some humanity secrets that (at that time I thought) illuminaties or smth had been hiding from us. I thought I had discovered immortality. And so in the evening just before the "boom" day I was @ my parents house, i dont know why, but i cried for an hours, I thought someone has to die or something. I cried like a baby for a long long time. My parents didnt know what to do with me! At that night I stayed @ my parents house with my girl and I couldnt sleep at all. I had had halucinations. I`ve had this idea, that great mind + weed +smth and smth (4 elements) =do everything you can imagine. Forgot to tell, a previous evening I was at my friends house, he had a bong hit and went to sleep for 2 hours...
And i smoked from the same bong, same weed..and after a hit I understood that I smoked the same mix, that was ment by me to give him to reveal my secret.. (unexplainable) and then suddenly voice appeared in my head and it asked me - do you want to die know. It was so powerful, I dont know why, but I believe until this day, that if I answered - yes, i would really die at that moment. But I said NO, and it felt like a key got in to me and unlocked me in to 4 parts and lots of voices said that I have to put together myself now or I will die, it felt like a had a small time for it.. Felt like i was a firework on fire and I have to do smth fast...really sick! I got on the ground, I kissed the floor and said thanks that you gave me one more chance. I was - 20 degrees (celsius) outside and i was so scared that I ran out to clear my mind of what just happened. My friend had a dog outside, it knew me from the birth and that night i attacked me for the first time (i didnt act crazy, just went out for freash air). It scared me, so I went in. SO...back to the time before "boom" day...@ parents house I didnt sleep at all, I woke up, my mom got to work and I felt like i am 99% slower than I was ussualy, I thought I was like a ****** or something. Whan I had breakfast with my dad and girl, dad asked if I want to go visit astrologer - she was a friend of our family..
I said that ok, probably i really need it, but my dad considered that she wont help at all and that I need real doctor help and then we drove to mental hospital. At that moments I really didnt realize it. All I was thing about is was not to get on the police - I dont know why. I walked in to that mental hospitals, then I thought that I am there because my grandma is dying. I cried a lot...the doctors gave me "******" "crazy guy" costume.. And even then I didnt realize that I am in mental hospital. My dad was angry, he told them that I am crazy because of weed. But 8 doctors told them that I am crazy, probably because when I was inside, i told them, that i didnt smoke weed. And actually at that month I smoked like 99% less than ussualy. I thought I have to lie about my weed smoking..
So they put me behing metal doors and locked them. I was there for 4 days and I thought it was just one day..After that time, they analised my urine and put me into narcoticks department and cleaned me with system for 14 days.

Then I got home.. it was crazy, for 30 days I had unexplainable (sorry) **** going on with me.. I thought everything is just a movie.. When doctros asked me, what is the date today, I knew only a month..
Doctors said to my parents that I could not get back, I could stay ill as schizophrenic and something else..

Now I understand that before all this I really wanted to quit weed and not to get back to it.. but it is impossible if something like this wouldnt happen. Now I am scared and havent smoked anything. Just had some 10 beers in 6-7 months. If I will remember anything else, I will write.
I hope nobody will ever feel what I had gone trough, I was more than a nightmare! And now every day I see potheads all around me and I see that they are stuck in a cage...they dont see a way out.. I wish I could help them, but I now, i realised that everyone needs to understand it buy themselves!
Feel free to ask any questions, thanks for your attention and I am sorry again about my english

Good luck to You

liv1ce

I am sorry that I had to look up to see where Riga was. Stupid Americans only know their local geography.

You have quite a story. I couldn't tell exactly how long it has been since you smoked weed. Are you feeling any of your life coming back? Is there a sense of normalcy being restored? Are you able to work?

I have been to hell and back. Didn't see you there at the time.

tootsl1

Cleanman, there have been studies showing links with stronger weed triggering latent mental illness. It certainly sounds like you had a psychotic episode. Are you taking any medication? You are wise to realise that any narcotics have the potential to trigger further episodes, so I would suggest you continue to steer clear of any of it.

It must have been a terrifying experience for you, I hope you have access to therapy to talk about what you went through. Keep well.

Cleanman

I used some medication pills, name of them were - something like halopr...and ciclodol..cant really remember. Those pills made my brain calm so I dont get stressed, because stress made me feel discomfort and some kinda panics were coming up to me.

At that time I really thought I have visited the hell. I smoked weed since I was 15, now i am 24. Now I havent done it for about 7 months. And no, at this moments, I feel a little of something that gives me a happiness. Previsously all I thought about was - smoking, now I am repairing my drift car, its my hobby

I worked for a month in summer, but I quit, I think not because of some mental problems.. I just cant work for someone, I want my own bussines!

When I had this accident.. no one of my "friends" came to my house and asked - where I have gone or smth..
They were friends just by the joint.

liv1ce

I think all who have quit have found who their "friends" were/are. Our former "friends" were just others who lived the drug life, or the alcohol life - the addicted life. We draw together like magnets in search of satisfaction of the addiction. The more others we find the more our addiction - our life - seems normal and justified.

Quitting sets you apart and threatens the "others." It makes you different and brings the fear of quitting and withdrawal to those who can't or don't want to quit.

Those that come to support you are your friends and those that shy away were there for the joint as you so aptly put.

I smoked weed for 20 years with 10 of those all day every day. My friend was weed and all others were there only to find me more when I needed it and I always needed it. I don't think I delved into the level of strength that you have and never encountered the level of hallucination and psychological involvement that you describe but I certainly was addicted and had to get out of it.

I function normally now but addiction never goes away and I have continued to struggle with the beast to maintain that.

I think it is important that you work toward something to do with yourself to give you focus and direction. You mention a business of your own. What is your skill or interest area?