xmrscran

My name is Michelle. My soon to be ex husband is an alcoholic. We have been together since 2009, married in 2011, we have a 2 year old Daughter together and I have a son from a previous relationship when I was younger. Our relationship was fast paced, romantic and he is/was the love of my life. I noticed his drinking in the beginning of our relationship and I too liked to have a couple drinks so it wasn't an issue. We moved in together after only 3 months of dating. I started to notice that he was often moody and angry, and would drink more and more. He would call to say he was on his way home from work and show up 3 or 4 hours later drunk and start a fight. When I'd ask him if he was drinking he always lied. It took me a while to realize how much he drank and how much he did it. Finally when I was pregnant, we went to counseling and he stopped drinking until our daughter was born and one night when she was very young he got drunk and was physically violent to me. His mother then told me he has had a drinking problem for a very long time and I found out that this had ruined his first marriage and another LTR. He didn't drink again until my daughters first birthday and then started drinking every single day (was hiding it) and Finally in October of 2012 I found out he was having an affair and he left. This year has been hell and he's been on a continuous bender with the woman he cheated on me with. He's lost everything, she is 14 years older than him and they just both lost rights to all of their children (our daughter) and her son and grandchildren she had custody of. I have begged him to go to rehab and before I learned about the affair I never had any doubt that he loved me. It seemed like everything changed in a matter of 3 months (right after he started drinking again) I have had a few short term dating relationships since he left one with a drinker and one with a "recovered" drug addict...both treated me exactly like my husband did. I don't want this anymore. I can't get past relationships with these toxic people and the problem has to be something in me for choosing this. So I'm here, I don't know what to do.

Rosiepetal

Welcome to SR
There's lots of support here for you.
Try to educate yourself on co-dependency & alcoholism.
The most important step for you is to put yourself first & work your own recovery so that you are then able to pick the right people to be with.
There is no hurry for a relationship is there?
Work on yourself, it is the greatest gift.
Others will be along shortly to give good advice I'm sure.

Tuffgirl

Welcome, and sorry for the situation that brings you here, but it sounds as if you have accepted that you are choosing these men, and that needs to change.

That's a big step! A lot of women don't get that far, and keep making the same mistakes over and over again. We call this "having a broken picker" around here. But broken can be fixed!! That's the good news. Some deep introspection and a change in perspective can work wonders.

Keep reading, and keep coming back,
~T

Recovering2

The fact that you're recognizing a pattern in yourself, and wanting to explore that, is huge! Many times we want to blame the A for all the chaos, but we do play a role in our own behavior patterns of enabling and co-dependency.

You're out of a bad situation, so that's done. Now take the time to learn about you. Find an AlAnon group near you, and start going to meetings. There is tremendous support, hope, and help in those rooms. It's advised you try at least 6 meetings before you decide if it's for you or not. Different meetings have different formats, so try a few different ones if they're available.

Start to read. "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. "The Language of Letting Go" by the same author. "Courage to Change" by AlAnon. Read the sticky's posted here.

There is a bright peaceful future ahead for you and your children. You just have to commit to the work involved, and go get it. Welcome.

Seren

Hello and Welcome,

You have found a great place for support! I'm sorry for all you have been through and can only second the advice you have already been given.

I think you and your precious little girl deserve a happy and bright future. The work you put into your own life now will pay off down the road!

S

xmrscran

Thanks everyone! I think the only thing worse than being married to an alcoholic is getting divorced from one.