Weasel1966

Early, when I first started this sober journey, I had to constantly answer the question how.

How did it come to this?

How did I become a crackhead drunk hanging in low places to feel good about myself.

How did I spend tens of thousands of dollars?

How.... Just how did I get here?

Any answer I could come up with depressed me more. It became a challenge to my sobriety in the fact it kept me down in the pits of self loathing.

So several months back.... I have been at working on my sobriety in earnest over a year.... I stopped.

Stopped asking how.

Asking why is no different.

My sobriety is about staying sober moment to moment. It is not bogged down any more with questions that have no solution. Emotions that cannot be understood easily.

I suspended that routine and sided with acceptance. Self love over loathing. Reaching out for help over reaching in for excuses.

I am on the verge of some really big life changes. I am moving alone to another state. I am setting ground rules for my life differently than I had been. Focused on my self and only me.

I am still inquisitive into my inner self and motivations. Need to be to keep them honest. But my sobriety now is about what can I do for ken today. And I feel much calmer. Much more at ease with me.

Wonder what's around that corner? Hmmm... I think I'll go see!

desertsong

Great post, Ken. I hear you about the big changes - going through a lot of them myself right now. I used to ask "why?" and "how?" a lot during those early months, but now I ask, "Does it really matter?" The point is, I'm a drunk, I'll always be a drunk, and if I ever go back to drinking, all of the work I've done to better my life will go down the toilet. What matters (to me) now is that I'm sober and living an honest, clean life. It isn't perfect by any means, but as long as I don't drink, I know I'm on the right path ... wherever it may take me.

Proud of you.

JadeSatellite

Great post. I love the idea of forgetting WHY and instead focusing on NOW and how to make your life better. I think I'll apply that to myself now.

Weasel1966

Thanks desert song..... I feel good leaving the blame game behind. It held me back big time.

Really glad to hear from you and that you are well.

Jade.... Good plan! Let it go!

escapist

I know what you mean. I have spent a lot of time examining the Why? to my relapses. The only common thread is that I used. The reasons vary. I know that I have a love hate relationship with catching a buzz but it always come down to making the buzz part of my constant reality. Reality is not buzzed it is stone cold sober and if I want to survive in this world I need to play by reality's rules.

resolute50

I think addiction is like a very slow closing trap.
And then it becomes very slow and steady suicide.

How and why really don't apply cause it starts slowly and finishes the same way.
So ,many times pointing to one reason is pretty much impossible.

Jeni26

Great post Ken. I don't know if you're aware of just how different you come across now. You just have such a mature reflective way of looking at things, and I love reading your posts.

Thank you for sharing x

foolsgold66

Great post, Ken. Genericize that a bit and it fits as fantastic inspiration\advice for ANYONE.

mecanix

My thinking can be like trying to heard cats .
I sometimes think our society is one where we are tought if we are bright thinkers, that we should hone and sharpen the intellect we have so we can get what we want .

Sobriety for me wasn't a puzzle to solve , it was something i had to be and do, thought in that situation was'nt necessary , sometimes it was a hinderance .

Bestwishes, m

Weasel1966

Thanks. Really.

I do feel different. I make no assumptions. Ken is ken. But... I do have more hope today.

I have more packing to do. Monday I load a truck. Tuesday very early I drive 325 miles.

Wednesday... I am thankful.

Melbell

Thank you for your post! It gives me hope.

Peace
Melbell

suscl61

yes the blame game held me back to....but today I have hope and know it will only get better from here one day at a time

soberclover

So very happy for you!! It is true that there comes a time to stop the thinking and start the living. You are taking sober living to a new level...so cool!