Advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada, Ontario
Posts: 20
Advice
Hi everyone,
I am at a loss on how to help my husband. He has joined AA for the second time now. But this time seems worse then the first. He seems to be depressed this time. He is very with drawn from me, and I do not know how to help him.
We have been married foe 23 years now, always gotten along.
I am at a loss on how to help my husband. He has joined AA for the second time now. But this time seems worse then the first. He seems to be depressed this time. He is very with drawn from me, and I do not know how to help him.
We have been married foe 23 years now, always gotten along.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Hey,
Your husband might consider medical help for his alcoholism/depression if he has not already done so.
At least he is back to meetings and presumably has a plan of sorts?
Sober and back with an ACTION plan there is hope.
Don't forget you please.
You may need support, and knowledge about this damned illness.
Al anon and open AA meetings help my partner to deal with issues for her that years of MY drinking have contributed to.
Good luck to you both.
Gx
Your husband might consider medical help for his alcoholism/depression if he has not already done so.
At least he is back to meetings and presumably has a plan of sorts?
Sober and back with an ACTION plan there is hope.
Don't forget you please.
You may need support, and knowledge about this damned illness.
Al anon and open AA meetings help my partner to deal with issues for her that years of MY drinking have contributed to.
Good luck to you both.
Gx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Perhaps his depression is a good thing. It may mean he is taking it seriously now.
Please don't expect things to be all sunshine and roses straight away. I think most people in recovery would agree that the first few months (at least) are very trying. People do not quit alcohol and then everything is alright again. There is fallout from the physical side of addiction as well as the mental and it is not uncommon for this to lead to depression/lethargy. Sometimes things can get worse before they get better. I know for myself that I was very angry and depressed early on. It gets better. In time.
I am glad he is getting the help he needs x
Please don't expect things to be all sunshine and roses straight away. I think most people in recovery would agree that the first few months (at least) are very trying. People do not quit alcohol and then everything is alright again. There is fallout from the physical side of addiction as well as the mental and it is not uncommon for this to lead to depression/lethargy. Sometimes things can get worse before they get better. I know for myself that I was very angry and depressed early on. It gets better. In time.
I am glad he is getting the help he needs x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada, Ontario
Posts: 20
Thank you Afloatsober for your advice. I am reading all my Alanon books now. Can I suggest he go to a meeting.
I loved going to his open meeting before, I found the stories and people really do help me understand a lot. But scared to go back right now without him, as he might feel that I am intruding on his recovery.
I loved going to his open meeting before, I found the stories and people really do help me understand a lot. But scared to go back right now without him, as he might feel that I am intruding on his recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada, Ontario
Posts: 20
Yes he has been going, just the last 2 days he has not for some reason.
I am hoping he goes this morning. There is a open morning meeting today I hope he goes to.
But I am insure if I should suggest he goes to one.
I am hoping he goes this morning. There is a open morning meeting today I hope he goes to.
But I am insure if I should suggest he goes to one.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Squirl, I'm wondering...my bet is his AV has something to do with this. Did something happen in his life during this particular time of year? A tragedy or a memory? Be his support, sounds like he needs you and the meetings now, this morning. Best of luck, and keep posting. TF
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada, Ontario
Posts: 20
Funny you should say that Twofish, we lost his father about a year and a half ago, his fathers birthday is the 15 of this month and my husbands birthday is this Tuesday.
We just went out for breakfast and he said to me his stomach is in knots. He does not know why.
But he did say he is going to a meeting this morning.
So I was happy to hear that.
I only wish I could do this for him, and make this easy.
But I do understand this is his Journy.
We just went out for breakfast and he said to me his stomach is in knots. He does not know why.
But he did say he is going to a meeting this morning.
So I was happy to hear that.
I only wish I could do this for him, and make this easy.
But I do understand this is his Journy.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada, Ontario
Posts: 20
Well he is off to his meeting, my fingers are crossed that they can give him support in a way I cannot.
You I kinda feel jealous and I know that sounds mean, but I am not meaning it to mean, I just wish I was the one that could help him.
Make me feel bad that I can't. I know this is something he has to do.
I love him to death and hope he can do this, he is not a talker like me. He just says I do not understand. Wish I could.
Squirl.
You I kinda feel jealous and I know that sounds mean, but I am not meaning it to mean, I just wish I was the one that could help him.
Make me feel bad that I can't. I know this is something he has to do.
I love him to death and hope he can do this, he is not a talker like me. He just says I do not understand. Wish I could.
Squirl.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Squirl, You are doing it, it's called support. You certainly love your husband and have hope! A good cry or loving hug will most surly help. Stay close to him, you just may be the closest person who knows him the best and trusts...he needs your strength today. Gentle hugs to both of you! TF
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
Remember The Three C's. You Didn't Cause It, You Can't Control It, You Can't Cure It.
We have a wonderful friends and family forum here at SR. You might want to post about this there too. So many people going through what you are and they are incredibly insightful and caring.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
We have a wonderful friends and family forum here at SR. You might want to post about this there too. So many people going through what you are and they are incredibly insightful and caring.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada, Ontario
Posts: 20
You know talking about this really does help. I am reading the books and trying to go to Alanon meeting, while working the afternoon shift and gym for 2 hours a day,looking after the household chores and 2 kids. Sometimes I get over whelmed.
Until he gets things sorted out in his head I cannot even go to his open meeting with him, which I find really really helps me keep it together. I seemed to relate better hearing the stories and meeting the people that are so humble and actually told us their story.
I have always felt more then welcome when I went there. Loved every minute of it.
One day soon I will be able to go back and meet all those people I miss.
Until he gets things sorted out in his head I cannot even go to his open meeting with him, which I find really really helps me keep it together. I seemed to relate better hearing the stories and meeting the people that are so humble and actually told us their story.
I have always felt more then welcome when I went there. Loved every minute of it.
One day soon I will be able to go back and meet all those people I miss.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada, Ontario
Posts: 20
Well a week has went by, he has had a few good days I think.
He is on day shift this week and I am afternoons, so I did not see him most of the week.
I still feel like the bad guy. He shuts me out and says he. Can' t talk to me about it.
When does this ever get better.
Just kinda in the dumps.
Here is the weekend looking forward to seeing him, and he just shuts me out.
He is on day shift this week and I am afternoons, so I did not see him most of the week.
I still feel like the bad guy. He shuts me out and says he. Can' t talk to me about it.
When does this ever get better.
Just kinda in the dumps.
Here is the weekend looking forward to seeing him, and he just shuts me out.
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