Not sure if I belong...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2
Not sure if I belong...
Hello All,
I've been dealing with some issues in regards to if "Im really an alcoholic", and if this is the place that I really belong. I've attended meeting and met tons of wonderful people and have heard some many testimonies. Problem is, I feel like I have no story or no place.
God willing I met who someone who enlightned me to this world of recovery and I stopped dead in my tracks before I ruined my life or anyone else's. I started drinking at about 15 and will celebrating one year of sobriety in November (my 24th birthday to be exact) but I feel as if it was too easy. I see and hear so many struggles of relapse and just issues and I never experienced any of that. Not saying that I want to but I feel as if I have no story or maybe I just am not an alcoholic to begin with.
I've went from drinking and probably being the most worthless human being on the planet to being sober and being the most productive that I could ever imagine - and I am so happy, but why was it so easy? I am having more of an issue quitting smoking then it took for me to quit drinking. I was an extreme binge drinker - like early morning beers leading to liquor at the end of the night EVERYDAY! So I know I had a problem, I kept a job and paid my bills but I was plain drunk too much for too long. Ive lost jobs and walked too many walks of shame, Ive made excuses and yet when I said its time to quit. I just quit. Case closed. I just feel that if I really had a problem I would have experienced some type of struggle. I just quit and thats the end of the story. Now lets knock on wood and pray I dont replapse but I just dont see it in my future. Alcohol will ruin my life and Im fully aware and thats enough for me to just stay sober.
Ive attended a few handfuls of meetings and skimmed over the steps, not working but skimming, and Im feeling a bit of guilt beacuse I feel that maybe I dont belong or Imnot alcoholic, but yet Ive showed all the signs of one.
I just dont know where I stand, I feel as If Im not a part, and I so badly want to be, but I havent done anything to become apart (working the steps, attending meetings regularly) and as I approach this year Im just confused as to where I stand..I dont know. I just need some help. I dont have a sponsor and I know that it is vital to have one...I just..augh.
Anybody have any insight, opinions, suggestions....
I've been dealing with some issues in regards to if "Im really an alcoholic", and if this is the place that I really belong. I've attended meeting and met tons of wonderful people and have heard some many testimonies. Problem is, I feel like I have no story or no place.
God willing I met who someone who enlightned me to this world of recovery and I stopped dead in my tracks before I ruined my life or anyone else's. I started drinking at about 15 and will celebrating one year of sobriety in November (my 24th birthday to be exact) but I feel as if it was too easy. I see and hear so many struggles of relapse and just issues and I never experienced any of that. Not saying that I want to but I feel as if I have no story or maybe I just am not an alcoholic to begin with.
I've went from drinking and probably being the most worthless human being on the planet to being sober and being the most productive that I could ever imagine - and I am so happy, but why was it so easy? I am having more of an issue quitting smoking then it took for me to quit drinking. I was an extreme binge drinker - like early morning beers leading to liquor at the end of the night EVERYDAY! So I know I had a problem, I kept a job and paid my bills but I was plain drunk too much for too long. Ive lost jobs and walked too many walks of shame, Ive made excuses and yet when I said its time to quit. I just quit. Case closed. I just feel that if I really had a problem I would have experienced some type of struggle. I just quit and thats the end of the story. Now lets knock on wood and pray I dont replapse but I just dont see it in my future. Alcohol will ruin my life and Im fully aware and thats enough for me to just stay sober.
Ive attended a few handfuls of meetings and skimmed over the steps, not working but skimming, and Im feeling a bit of guilt beacuse I feel that maybe I dont belong or Imnot alcoholic, but yet Ive showed all the signs of one.
I just dont know where I stand, I feel as If Im not a part, and I so badly want to be, but I havent done anything to become apart (working the steps, attending meetings regularly) and as I approach this year Im just confused as to where I stand..I dont know. I just need some help. I dont have a sponsor and I know that it is vital to have one...I just..augh.
Anybody have any insight, opinions, suggestions....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 186
Alcoholics and problem drinkers come in all forms. You should be absolutely thrilled with yourself that you were able to abstain without a lot of problems!! If we all could, that's what we could hope for! We are all here to support one another, regardless of the stories and the problems (or lack thereof). You obviously want some support, and you'll find it here 
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
xLovingMex -- if you've been sober & are strong in your sobriety almost a year, more power to you!
There are lots of ways to recovery. Do what works for you. Don't worry about labels. If you don't feel you need AA or other support, and you can stay sober w/out it, that's cool. It's good you know it's out there if you ever do need it, tho.
You say you want to be a part -- a part of AA? The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. But maybe for you, a part of something else? Are you expressing a general lack of commitment in your life?
There are lots of ways to recovery. Do what works for you. Don't worry about labels. If you don't feel you need AA or other support, and you can stay sober w/out it, that's cool. It's good you know it's out there if you ever do need it, tho.
You say you want to be a part -- a part of AA? The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. But maybe for you, a part of something else? Are you expressing a general lack of commitment in your life?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
nothing wrong with getting it the (easy) way
Originally Posted by xLovingMex 
I've went from drinking and probably being the most worthless human being on the planet to being sober and being the most productive that I could ever imagine - and I am so happy, but why was it so easy?
you remind me of me
sounds like a great bottom
some of us don't have to spend twenty or thirty years out there suffering
before we get a clue
count it all as a blessing my friend
you need not the war stories that some of us share
there is nothing wrong with getting it the (easy) way
my little brother got most all the (easy) way
he would watch me and know what not to do
Mountainman
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Just because you have a high bottom doesn't mean you aren't a person with alcoholism. Do you talk with anyone at those meetings?
It was suggested that:
1. if I have problems when drinking (holding a job, drinking all day, etc) and I stop drinking and life gets really good, then alcohol was the problem and the solution is not to drink.
2. if I have problems when drinking (holding a job, drinking all day, etc) and I stop drinking and life gets really difficult and I feel irritable, restless, and discontent, then alcoholism is the problem and those steps can save my life (as they have). The solution is in those steps.
There are also other methods for staying stopped.
I didn't have a drinking problem, I had a Staying Stopped Problem. Again, those steps helped me begin to live a spiritual way of life.
If you've been attending meetings, talk with the people there. If you are willing to work through the steps as written in the big book, then find a sponsor and work them. The steps, as written on the walls (or listed in 1-12 order) are a summary of what we've done, not exactly what we do.
It's a simple choice to work those steps. It's about finding our patterns of behaving, not about having a lower bottom and telling horrific life stories. It's not a competition.
I wish you well on your continued sober journey!
With love & hugs,
~SB
It was suggested that:
1. if I have problems when drinking (holding a job, drinking all day, etc) and I stop drinking and life gets really good, then alcohol was the problem and the solution is not to drink.
2. if I have problems when drinking (holding a job, drinking all day, etc) and I stop drinking and life gets really difficult and I feel irritable, restless, and discontent, then alcoholism is the problem and those steps can save my life (as they have). The solution is in those steps.
There are also other methods for staying stopped.
I didn't have a drinking problem, I had a Staying Stopped Problem. Again, those steps helped me begin to live a spiritual way of life.
If you've been attending meetings, talk with the people there. If you are willing to work through the steps as written in the big book, then find a sponsor and work them. The steps, as written on the walls (or listed in 1-12 order) are a summary of what we've done, not exactly what we do.
It's a simple choice to work those steps. It's about finding our patterns of behaving, not about having a lower bottom and telling horrific life stories. It's not a competition.
I wish you well on your continued sober journey!
With love & hugs,
~SB
Waking Up Sober--priceless
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Southwest US
Posts: 88
I just dont know where I stand, I feel as If Im not a part, and I so badly want to be, but I havent done anything to become apart (working the steps, attending meetings regularly) and as I approach this year Im just confused as to where I stand
Anyway, this forum is a great way to get the support you need--even if you don't think you need it.
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Welcome Mex! There are a lot of us here in various places on the recovery spectrum and with a variety of stories about what led them here. I find that I can relate to and learn something from everyone's story, and I'm glad you've shared yours. Read around all the forums and I'm sure you'll find you hear pieces of your story everywhere.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 807
xLovingMex, I am only on day 70 something but feel much the same as you, it has been easy to quit. I am definitely an alcoholic. I have had one urge and no cravings and am amazingly happy to the point my daughter says I am annoying. I started a new job and am impressing everyone. Also, like you, I do not feel a part of things. I read SR everyday because I got to care about many folks in my early days, withdrawal was very physical and painful but after that it has been a breeze. All I know is I never want to go back.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 807
Yes, I read SR because it helps me keep up with folks whom I care about and remember why I am sober. I also attend an AA meeting once every 2 weeks but do not work the steps. Never thought that your comment was directed at me and I am aware the boards are for everyone. Did not mean to upset you.
Last edited by LuLu13; 10-06-2013 at 08:46 PM. Reason: Typo
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
welcome xLovingMex
The more stories I read here the more I realise that this journey comes in all shapes and sizes.
If you're sober, and you're happy about that, I think you've got it covered
D
The more stories I read here the more I realise that this journey comes in all shapes and sizes.
If you're sober, and you're happy about that, I think you've got it covered
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,791
Originally Posted by LuLu13
Yes, I read SR because it helps me keep up with folks whom I care about and remember why I am sober. I also attend an AA meeting once every 2 weeks but do not work the steps. Never thought that your comment was directed at me and I am aware the boards are for everyone. Did not mean to upset you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Mex
I can really relate to your post. I was a daily drinker but only in evenings and I managed to hold down a job and be pretty functional. The problem with these sorts of questions is that it causes doubt. You have already stated that you knew you had a problem so really there should be no place for doubt. Sometimes I wonder if this is the problem with the word alcoholic... you feel like you have to qualify or something. Like sugarbears's suggestion... personally my life got simultaneously better and worse when I quit drinking, so I have no idea where I fit in! What I do know is that I don't want to drink anymore. Sure there are times when it seems like a good idea but I know I have a short memory and that there are too many negatives to count. I like being sober, even though sometimes it seems like the harder option. The problem with the question 'am I an alcoholic?' is that is seen as some kind of qualifier as to whether or not we need to stay sober. If I am not an alcoholic can I drink now? It makes my head hurt. Have you heard of a method called Rational Recovery? (AVRT). That doesn't advocate use of the word alcoholic for this reason, but it does advocate abstinence. Maybe reading about that would put your mind at rest x
I can really relate to your post. I was a daily drinker but only in evenings and I managed to hold down a job and be pretty functional. The problem with these sorts of questions is that it causes doubt. You have already stated that you knew you had a problem so really there should be no place for doubt. Sometimes I wonder if this is the problem with the word alcoholic... you feel like you have to qualify or something. Like sugarbears's suggestion... personally my life got simultaneously better and worse when I quit drinking, so I have no idea where I fit in! What I do know is that I don't want to drink anymore. Sure there are times when it seems like a good idea but I know I have a short memory and that there are too many negatives to count. I like being sober, even though sometimes it seems like the harder option. The problem with the question 'am I an alcoholic?' is that is seen as some kind of qualifier as to whether or not we need to stay sober. If I am not an alcoholic can I drink now? It makes my head hurt. Have you heard of a method called Rational Recovery? (AVRT). That doesn't advocate use of the word alcoholic for this reason, but it does advocate abstinence. Maybe reading about that would put your mind at rest x
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Welcome to the team, xLovingMex, and congratulations to you on your year of sobriety. I am trying to parse your post, and I'm looking at the assumptions which underlie your questions.
You are happily and resolutely sober, but you feel as you haven't suffered enough, that you have no story, no place. You seem to find it disempowering or limiting to have made a decision to quit drinking and fix your life, and then to have done just that.
If there is one assumption that you have made that has brought you to this state it seems that you feel you must become a part of AA to remain sober. Ey yi yi. For heavens sake, you are happily sober without any of it. Leave AA behind you, and do something else with your time and your mental energy. Don't you think that everyone who is suffering from an addiction would choose to be you? Maybe it will help you if you understand that most, about 75%, people who have ended their addictions have done exactly as you have. You are not unique by a long shot.
You are the champion here, a total badass. So on with your badass self now. Maybe you can hang around here and share your message of strength and empowerment and success. You would be most welcome. Best to you.
You are happily and resolutely sober, but you feel as you haven't suffered enough, that you have no story, no place. You seem to find it disempowering or limiting to have made a decision to quit drinking and fix your life, and then to have done just that.
If there is one assumption that you have made that has brought you to this state it seems that you feel you must become a part of AA to remain sober. Ey yi yi. For heavens sake, you are happily sober without any of it. Leave AA behind you, and do something else with your time and your mental energy. Don't you think that everyone who is suffering from an addiction would choose to be you? Maybe it will help you if you understand that most, about 75%, people who have ended their addictions have done exactly as you have. You are not unique by a long shot.
You are the champion here, a total badass. So on with your badass self now. Maybe you can hang around here and share your message of strength and empowerment and success. You would be most welcome. Best to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 1,972
Originally Posted by foolsgold66
I guess another point to make for you guys who did it 'easy'. The next time may not be that way. You don't wanna find that out...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2
Wow! I did not expect to receive all the responses! Well this is an amazing forum here. I def apprecaite and respect everyones opinion/input etc. I will quote some specific ones here shortly. Im on laundry duty!! Thanks so much you guys!!! I think Ill be staying here for awhile!
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