sophrosyne

This is my first port on the forum. I am writing today to seek guidance on coming up with a plan to address my severe alcohol problem.

For the background, after much research online, I fit the highly functioning types perfectly. Sometime in Aug/Sep last year, I started realizing that I have a serious problem. The habit that started with glass of vine in the evening few years ago gradually progressed to a lot more. Eventually, my hangovers started interfering with my life next day, then came the struggle of deciding to quit every day only to pass out drunk - went on for months, then the blackouts, the sudo depression, and loosing all that time drinking and recovering and not living, now I lose control over my mind once I am drunk. I finally decided to change my job that I held for years (keep in mind I am so good at living the double life, my employer was shocked and did everything possible to retain me - I have never had professional issue related to drinking yet and I have had very good career). I never had a DUI - but yet - it is a miracle if you would ask me. Long story short, I quit after much struggle earlier this year for three months on my own only to come back to it after sipping just one glass of vine at a dinner. Before I know it I was back to the old level of consumption and progressing. It has become such a consuming fact, I sometimes feel that all other aspects of my life are on hold. "Highly functioning" is a misnomer. All said and done I have stopped for two days and I have decided to use every possible help I can get to stop. This is my sole priority now.

That's where I need help. What kind of therapy or treatment options will work best for me. I am overwhelmed with so much information out there. I am struggling and utterly lost where to start.

AA: I went to AA meetings a few times, but I am not sure I can subscribe to the steps as they are. Honestly, I could not identify with many in AA as there were not many HFAs, lot of people with issues beyond alcohol - family, relationships, drugs. I see it as a filler group therapy for extended abstinence. For now I need something else.

Questions:

- How to evaluate out patient programs that would fit my profile (HFAs)? There are so many. Where do I start!?
- Should I go to psychologist/psychiatrist specializing in addiction first and see if I need outpatient?
- Any good resources to find psyco therapists? I live in Seattle, WA.

Any help is hugely appreciated. Needless to say, I am struggling every day and I feel as if I am at an existential crisis in my life and completely lost. There has to be some hope in the future.

GracieLou

Welcome to SR sophrosyne. There is a lot of information and support here.

I do not have any experience with HFA but I am sure someone will come along that does.

I attend AA and I am one of those that had issues with family and relationships. Not in the sense that I had problems at home but resentments towards these was my number one problem. I had to work the steps to be able to let go of these and learn not to create new ones. I also enjoy the meetings/fellowship. It lets me know I am not alone. It also give me the chance to get away from myself for an hour and be their for others instead of only thinking of myself.

There are lots of methods though and you just need to discovery was the best one is for you.

Dee74

Hi sophrosyne

I'm not aware of any programmes specifically for HFA's. Like you yourself said it's a misnomer anyway - I see it more as a phase, or more accurately a self-perception rather than a distinct 'kind' of alcoholic.

If you feel AA is not for you there are many non 12 step programmes - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

I know you'll find a lot of support here - welcome
D

MythOfSisyphus

To a large degree I think "high functioning alcoholic" is a bit of a myth. I certainly felt I was one, but now about a year after I quit I can see I was fooling myself. I functioned better than some but it gets worse and worse. Eventually your facade starts to crack.

I agree; no point to trying to make distinctions between types of alcoholics. We all got to a point where alcohol is negatively impacting our lives yet we continue to drink. There's nothing high functioning in that. The important part is to alter your behavior and quit drinking.

AVRT helped me. Google it. It might be what you're looking for too.

james872

From what I gather from your post is that you want to quit (great decision!!) but don't know how. Where to go, what to do, etc. And there is a lot out there and it can get confusing.

The best thing you can do, I think, is to simply go to your doctor and talk to them about it. They are the ones who can best determine what would be the best next step for you.

And since you have to recover from heavy, long-term drinking, seeing your doctor as a first step is also smart because it allows you to get help with the detox phase. Detox can be dangerous unless you get help. They can do a lot to guide you through it safely.

I'm on day 47 and had to go to the ER on day 4 because I quit on my own. It was a bit risky and I was at risk for dangerous side-effects. At the ER they took care of it immediately and it all turned out fine.

In hindsight, had I known the risk, I would have seen my doctor before I quit.

So... keep it simple. See your doc. Let them help you.

And keep us posted!

lorelei

aboard Sr x

hayley86

Welcome sophrosyne, glad you have joined us.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR sophrosyne

I felt the same way as you early on. It is all very confusing. But my mind was all over the place too. I was what I considered to be a HFA too. It is a strange concept I think and I think it only really came about to highlight the fact that you don't have to be in the gutter to be an alcoholic. The treatment is the same no matter what your external situation. It is the internal stuff that matters. I was humbled to be able to identify with people who had been homeless from their addiction.

In terms of trying to find a treatment that works for you... just pick one and get started. You don't have to find the right one straight away. Recovery changes over time too so you may find you need varying degrees of support as you go along. Some stuff you could try... SMART recovery, Rational Recovery/AVRT, Women for Sobriety, Celebrate Recovery, Lifering, SOS, counselling, meditation... There is also a really good list of books in the stickies of this forum. I found it really useful to read personal stories as it helped me identify with others and gave me ideas of how to approach it. In time you will feel calmer in your mind and all of this will feel less overwhelming. Glad you are here x

Threshold

Welcome!

No matter where you were on the drinking spectrum, the most important thing now is that you are ready to get off of it.

If you have a doctor, I think it would be wise to speak with her/him to find out if you should have an assisted detox, and they could probably steer you towards SOME svcs. Another idea is to find an addiction therapist, can find one in your area with an online search...it could be a useful jumping off point and help put you in touch with some other possibilities as they would be familiar with the options.

I have never heard of OP geared specifically towards HFA, but my OP experience didn't feel like how much anyone drank was the issue. We really focused on getting honest, staying sober, and learning some life skills and tools to keep us moving in the right direction.

wakko

You may wish to research "Terminal Uniqueness." This concept was key in my recovery

Nuudawn

Welcome. Although I utilized AA in a previous sobriety attempt, I wasn't exactly open to it this time. That is not to say I didn't jot down "go to a meeting" on my list of things to do when the urge to drink hits (I figured I could just go and listen/audit rather than drink). I credit my success in recovery to date to my counsellor (who has been 20+ years clean and sober), this forum, some wonderful books on recovery and spirituality..and well, my ever burgeoning spirituality explorations. I think I understand the necessity of the 12-steps better now that I have found my own spirituality but that's not the only map out there. I for one, did need a map and I have found one. I think understand and working towards "emotional sobriety" is key in recovery.

With respect to HFA? I guess I was one to by some definitions but that really has little to do with my recovery. I had addiction issues and that's the main thing. I had to get behind what was causing that and learn some coping mechanisms (still in progress) and ways to feel good or relieve stress without alcohol.

digdug

Welcome!

I have to be honest with you. I hate the term high functioning alcoholic. It really has no meaning. We all have suffered in our ways.

And the truth is, this is a progressive disease. It just keeps getting worse. Maybe you think you have it together now, but it is just unsustainable.

I have 3 degrees including an Ivy, have passed 2 bar exams, have a great career, and am set financially. I kept it together for years. I've never had a DUI, never even been arrested. Never had any work issues. Never stolen. Never got dumped because of my drinking until this year.

My disease kept slowly progressing until I was functioning no more. If I kept drinking, all the things I’ve never done will end up happening. It's inevitable. I've seen lawyers I used to see in the court room who are now homeless. As an alcoholic, I am as sick as everyone else in the rooms of AA.

longbeachone

Hi and welcome to SR! I know frightening this is for you...addressing the fact that something that is such an enormous part of your life, even if it's turned on you and is making you miserable, is so confusing. We've all been through something similar. I was a wine drinker too, and for much of my drinking career very high functioning. I think that sometimes when you are an alcoholic and a high achiever you fall into the trap of overcompensating for your obvious problem by doing far more than you would have if sober. I was always a good mother, but my guilt about drinking turned me into a crazed super mom, chairman of every committee, president of every group, always raising my hand to volunteer to prove to everyone and myself that I was on top of things, even though privately my life was falling apart.

From your post I can tell that you are an organized, well informed person who wants to know and understand all of the options before making your decisions. Unfortunately, there is nothing very organized or well constructed about alcoholism. It's hard to say what will work best for you, what you will respond to best. If you have the resources, the best option (in my opinion) is inpatient rehab for thirty days, ninety if you can afford it. I found that I couldn't shut off constantly trying to prove to myself and everyone around me that I could handle my problem. I had to immerse myself in recovery, stop paying attention to anything else, to finally achieve sobriety. But, when I did, when I went into a live in program for two months, I finally got sober, and have been sober almost five years.

Good luck...I know that the resources are out there for you. You've come to a great place.

jaynie04

Hi and welcome! I think sometimes the term HFA gets in our way. Because it unconsciously establishes room below. The bottom can fall out pretty quickly.

Some of us are better at keeping up a good front. It doesn't get easier, and the stress of trying to project an outside that doesn't match the inside only feeds the addiction. I realized one day that all the trappings were there and I was still absolutely miserable. That's why they call them trappings.

I have been an overachiever all my life, I have relied on externals to assure me that I must have worth. Being an alcoholic is the one thing that I couldn't overcome, or delegate or mitigate. As much as I wanted to shake it loose like something that stuck to the bottom of my foot leaving the ladie's room, it is attached to me.

So for the first time I threw my hands in the air and said I can't get rid this, it isn't going to go away. I have to look straight at it, which is the last thing we want to do when we are alcoholics. No one but other alcoholics can understand the private hell we are in. I hate, hate, hate asking for help. But the only way I have a shot is to be open to those who have dealt with this and who are happy. It means staying honest, simple, but not easy. I am as proud of being sober as I am of any bonus I have ever taken home. It's a very personal, private type of pride, different than having my name on a business card. Because no one can take it away from me. That thing that was stuck on the bottom of my foot is now one of the biggest accomplishments of my life!

Ptcapote

Some really great advice and perspectives here, sophrosyne. Welcome!

I can only echo what others have said here, especially Myth and digdug. I was also what would be classified as a "HFA" and had several "yets" to go before my drinking was going to result in me losing my job. Although I was definitely working towards it.

The point is that alcoholism is alcoholism and it takes no exception based on your degrees, position, financial status, etc. The only difference that those things may make is the options you have available to you as far as treatment (esp in the US), follow-on care and living conditions. Otherwise, a drunk is a drunk is a drunk.

Being convinced that I was somehow "exceptional" because I had a great job, am highly degreed, was paid well, and had rarely suffered professional consequences for my drinking kept me away from seeking help for too long. As Myth mentions, it WILL go downhill eventually as this disease is most certainly progressive. I am in AA now and although initially I continued to consider myself special and "not like them," the acceptance that I am indeed an alcoholic and the rest is really just window dressing has allowed me to embrace recovery fully and, ultimately, has opened me up to people and methods that have helped me immensely that I would never have considered before...back when I was special

Welcome again and very best wishes to you!

soberhawk

Welcome sophrosyne.

bigsombrero

Welcome. I was in a similar position and felt the same way about AA, and in many ways agree with you. Some folks are there just need human interaction and some kind of friendship. Their goals and aspirations often differ from mine. However, I will say that I did find another AA group that was full of mostly young professionals. On the flip side, that group is almost TOO "hipster-trendy" for me. Anyway, I just wanted to relate to how difficult it can be and there's a fine balance.

Would you consider inpatient treatment? I went that route. I certainly didn't want to, but the writing was on the wall. I had actually convinced everyone in my family that outpatient was the way to go, until my sister stepped in and refused to go along with it. And I'm glad she stuck to her guns. Despite holding a full-time corporate job and masking my problems with a suit and tie, my actions had demonstrated that I could not be allowed to think for myself any longer when it came to quitting. And in the end, it made sense. Why half-ass it? Do it right. The first time. Commit to this 100%. Pull it out at the root, don't just pick off a few pesky leaves.

That saved my life, I think. I went to addiction counseling AFTER treatment for a while, just to keep practicing my skills and move on to the next step.

I hope you can find a solution that works for you! Good luck.

least

to the family! I'm staying sober with the help of the good people here and my addiction counselor. It's been working for me for almost four years now.

sophrosyne

All, I wanted to first pass on my heartfelt thanks for taking the time to respond. You all have provided a lot of good information! I finally managed to short list a few addiction therapists that I plan to call tomorrow. The urge to drink is not intense on the surface, but it is nearly natural and intuitive to me in the evening hours. I am working through it. I think I just need to get in to out patient in next few days.

I saw a few responses around AA and HFA. Please just note that I identified with everyone in AA and that was the only reason I stopped the last time, but I just found it hard to sustain in later part of recovery once I was weeks into it as I did not feel connected. HFA while no different then any other alcoholic, many homeless I now identify with is still a different individual in terms of life experiences. Given it is such a mental disease, I think a lot is not known about the nature of our predicament.

I will keep you all posted.

ReadyAtLast

welcome to SR sophrosyne

SR has been, and still is, a great source of support and strength for me. Hopefully it will be for you too