AllThings

I am new here, so bare with me if these stories have been shared before...

Do any of you have success stories to share? Maybe the A in your life is doing a great job at recovery? Maybe you separated from your spouse for a while and that actually helped? Maybe your marriage survived the unthinkable?

I would LOVE to read about the success stories...

Rosiepetal

Hi there
I am currently with a RABF.
He now has 9 months sober.
This time last year we broke up as I decided I had no future with an active alcoholic.
He ran off with another women.
He ended up doing the same old stupid things with her as he did with me & his drinking was getting worse.
Anyway long story short, he decided to give up the drink & I supported this.
I offered knowledge I had gained (thanks to SR) & he hasn't had a drink since.
He is still in early recovery & dealing with issues about himself but he is much happier within himself & we have developed a great relationship.
One day at a time.

jacrazz

I'm going through similar situation except he left me and went back to his old GF....im hoping he cleans up and comes back but from what I hear, he is doing worse. makes me sad

Best wishes Rosie!

teresasue

I want to hear about hope. I pray that therw would be more success stories here.
An alcoholic is first and foremost a person with this terrible disease.
I want to know there is hope . So sad that it never works out!

honeypig

To me, there are TONS of success stories here, stories of people who woke up, looked at their lives, became aware of what was truly going on and took steps to get where they wanted to be instead of remaining trapped by lies, fear and inertia. We have LOADS of stories of people who are learning and growing every single day, people who have acted with incredible courage and integrity, people who have overcome horrible setbacks, people who have done whatever they needed to do do protect themselves and their children, people who are willing to give of their experience, strength and hope to help those of us in need.

Are these people "failures" because they didn't necessarily remain in the relationship w/their A? Not in my eyes, they aren't--they are the biggest "success stories" of all!

Tuffgirl

I too wanted success stories when I first came here. It is what led me here to begin with.

What I learned was the "success" stories I was searching for are few and far between. Try some Al-Anon meetings; you may find people there who are living those stories. I found one couple, much much older than me, who had a tale of success, until I found out this was his second wife and they had married after he found a solid recovery path.

The rest...well...they were finding their way through it all, just like everyone here is trying to do.

Each person's definition of success varies, and although you may be seeking a story where the addict suddenly has a life-altering epiphany and immediately morphs into the good person you want him to be (I held the same perspective) I have found that its often far more complicated and bumpy of a road, and most relationship do not survive addictions and the destruction caused.

Florence

When I first came here, a "success story" was defined by my AH getting sober and us living together happily ever after. When I finally realized that for us that day was never going to come, I redefined "success story" to mean that I healed from my traumatic history, did right by my kids and by myself, and learned how to have a healthier life, and I expressed to my AH that he was welcome to join me but that I would be fine if he didn't. He opted not to join me over and over again.

I see what you're asking here because I've asked it myself: What drastic measures can I take to wake him up? We separated for six months and he chose to continue to lie to me to avoid losing me. I filed for divorce, and even that didn't wake him up. I have continued to live my life as fully as I can, and he has chosen to isolate himself, live completely off of his parents, and pretend to the world that he's healthy and 100% sober. Which is exactly what he did with me after multiple rehabs, along with punishing me for not believing his make-believe.

I'm living and working on my success story without my AH.

So, define "success story."

FireSprite

So very well said!

My success story isn't that RAH got sober - it's that *I* stood up, brushed myself off, learned how to become stronger, how to face my inner demons & tackle them and put the effort into healing MYSELF.

I have done so much serious damage control on my Inner Child, faced truths I didn't even understand I was avoiding about my AF & FOO and sought the tools that would help me identify & fix as much as possible. I can't always properly explain in words here exactly how monumental some of my AHA moments have been or how far my growth has taken me or how, like a domino, it has affected those around me.

The most important part of my success is that in embracing the change/growth for myself, I have broken the pattern for DD. For me, that's the height of success... everything else is just icing on the cake. If nothing else sticks but that, I WIN.

CodeNameGiggles

This is what speaks to me the most since I lurked and then joined SR.

I first came here hoping I'd find the magic words that I could say to my husband to make him quit drinking. I just couldn't understand how alcohol could cause such huge issues in our relationship and he wasn't seeing that and was instead blaming ME for everything that was wrong in our lives.

The success (to me, in my opnion) is that I learned it wasn't me. The success is that I have learned better coping mechanisms and better communication. I've set boundaries. And I'm not afraid to leave if there is another relapse. My husband went to detox and outpatient therapy 2 years ago, and most recently relapsed this summer. He actually believes he's an alcoholic now and is fully engaged in his recovery. And it's great and fantastic - he's the man I met and married and he's stepped up in our marriage and in being a father.

But it still doesn't mean I won't walk away if he chooses to drink again.

jacrazz

LOVE THIS!!! Shows real healing!

DesertEyes

My marriage did not survive the addiction, so I cannot any personal experience on that subject. I do know a lot of marriages that are doing just fine after overcoming addiction, but they don't post here on SR because they have no need to.

I think the main reason marriages survive addiction, based on the people I know, is because _both_ partners became the "success" that has been mentioned here. Both partners worked their own recovery 100%. There is hope, but it is something that has to be "grown" and "nurtured" by both partners.

Mike

funkynassau

My success story is about me, not the alkie that was in my life. I could not deal with him any longer, he was depressing, manipulative, argumentative, confusing as well. Finally I went no contact with him when I realized he was bringing me down every time I interacted with him, it just had to stop. I feel so much better now with him out of my life. I am past being concerned about seeing him somewhere in town, it just doesnt matter to me anymore.

NWGRITS

I guess because of my experience from childhood on, I knew the odds of my AM becoming sober and staying that way. I had no delusions about her one day waking up and becoming the mother I never had. I came here for myself. I was hoping to see success stories of other ACoA who had clawed their way out of hell and found a meaningful, productive life. I wanted to see someone who had been able to live life without being trapped on the merry-go-round of their FOO. I am a success story. I have a beautiful family that will never know the insanity of addiction in the home. My children are healthy and thriving. I'm even daring to dream again. In an A home, your dreams are crushed and all your hopes and energy are put into the A. Not anymore! I'm actually thinking about starting that baking business my husband talks about. I have a drive again. A renewed love for life. And I haven't talked to my AM in over a year, and probably never will again. But I'm no failure.

Regretter

Hey AllThings,

Out of 29 known substances that I've abused from the age of 11 (not all at once and not concurrently), I'm presently only still using 5 of them.
I plan to reduce that list by at least one more on Sunday (codeine), and the Sunday after that I aim to take another off the list (alcohol), the Sunday after that tobacco and then stop eating crap and using caffeine.

To my own amazement I've not yet become an alcoholic but I often wonder if that's because most of my family are and that I've had relatively easy access to illegal (and legal) drugs in one form or another over the years that many others wouldn't have had access to as easily as alcohol?

I'd say there's a success story in there somewhere and hopefully within the next 5 weeks I'll be totally clean of everything including caffeine, which is my overall goal as I'm tired of poisoning myself into unhappiness.


And all it cost me to learn this was my marriage to the only woman I've ever truly loved, career, friends, self-respect, self-confidence and my physical & mental health.

Flicka57

Well Said Honeypig--I really needed to hear that today--thank you!

Recovering2

My RABF has 10 months of strong sober recovery under his belt, and is doing well today. But enough about him........

My success story is about ME. I am not the same person I was a year ago. A year ago I was a depressed, stressed, hopeless, chaotic mess. Today I am active in AlAnon, and love my group. I have a support system in AlAnon and SR. I have learned to think through things, and not just react. I stay out of other people's business (this alone has made my life better). I allow others to make their own mistakes. When I make a mistake, I apologize and let it go. I don't rescue. I am calmer. I stand up for myself and what it is best for me. I say the Serenity Prayer when I feel myself getting upset or worried. I'm not afraid of fear. I am a happier person.

That is success to me.

AllThings

Of course, I would love to hear more stories like CodeNamegiggles - where the AH wakes up and turns around and the program works and it's awesome. - I want this for my life, so I would love to hear that it can happen.

But, that isn't the only kind of success story I meant. If something else has meant success to you then by all means, share! I am just in desperate need of positive stuff, in the forms of reality or fairy tales, whatever is ok...

BoxinRotz

I don't know if what my AH n I have been through would be classified as a success or not but it's been, IMO, very sobering on so many levels. I can tell you that alcoholism has brought us to our knees, for the both of us. I prayed feverishly like no one's business, night n day, everyday.

We have been through hell to put it nicely. You can find my thread, part 1 n 2 by clicking on my user name, go to threads started n click on My Husband was in a Motorcycle Accident.

HopefulinFLA

Best of luck to you Regretter. I hope you find peace and happiness.

dangerdoll

...coming out of Lurkerville with a success story. :-)

Married 16 years to my best friend, one 13 yr old daughter. Model husband whose beer drinking steadily increased over the last decade. (Only beer...nothing else a problem.) Not to the point of DUI, lost job, drunk in front of kid, etc...just to the point of hiding the quantity from me. Argued off and on about him drinking beer like others drink water...started doing nightly inventory of fridge to determine how much he'd really had when I couldn't convince him he'd had more than he thought...then on to smelling beer on his breath upon arriving home from work...then on to finding the empty beer cans which he swore were old in the truck bed and under the seats...then on to him acting withdrawn in the evenings. Many, many instances of me saying "enough" and him saying "yes, enough" but failing to maintain sobriety for periods of time that got shorter and shorter and shorter.

During this time, him doing purely stupid things (the kind that make you say omg, where is your head?) increased exponentially, but I still didn't connect the dots. Not realizing that he was having substantially more than I knew of. One stupid thing too many (left an...um..."adult" DVD in the living room), arguing, ultimatums, promises and more promises.

Less than one week later, caught him sneaking beer in the garage and hiding cans yet again. Furious, shoving clothes in a bag, I'm done and leaving with daughter because it's to the point that she's noticing his behavior is off and I am tired of covering for him. And finally, as he's begging me not to go and physically blocking me from leaving the house...I saw a different look in his eyes, one I had never seen in the 16 years of our marriage. And that look was the only thing that made me stop packing.

Realization that the problem was bigger than him. And cue the Hallelujah chorus.

He promised that if I'd stay, the very next day he would go to an AA meeting and anything else I wanted him to do. He just celebrated 6 months sober last week. He has faithfully gone to meetings ("90 in 90" and then at least 5x/wk), working the steps (on step 8), talks with his sponsor every day and meets with him once a week.

Some parts have been very hard for me...hurt when he told me the reason he didn't respond when I would ask what's wrong is because he didn't want me to hear his slurred speech. Hurt when he admitted to having a few in the garage before driving us all to a family outing. Hurt when he said that a lot of times when our daughter wanted to go on errands with him and he would inexplicably say no, it was because he wanted to stop by a convenience store and slam a few before he came home. Things like that. But I want...no, need...to hear it all.

But I can't even say he's a different person since he's sober...he's the New and Improved Version of the same person I fell in love with! He is more involved in parenting (before, he was always the Good Cop to my Bad Cop, which created an unhealthy dynamic with our daughter). He remembers things, appointments, teachers' names! His physical health has improved. His work performance has improved. Was a shock to him to admit that literally the ONLY lies he's ever told me were related to his drinking. That the ONLY time we really argue is related to his drinking. The step work has helped him pinpoint thought patterns holding him back at work and in relationships. It's really been a very deep process...introspection by someone who isn't used to being introspective.

At first, it truly was one day at a time. Now he's feeling stronger, doesn't have the psychological cravings anymore. Won't dare try "just one" because he's seen too many others fail. Even took me out a few times to listen to live music while I drank a beer and he had none...and was shocked that he was just fine without it. We are not delusional and know the statistics, that the odds are against him. If he fails, he will just begin again. He knows what he almost lost...says it helps to hear others' stories in AA, the ones where they truly lost it all, because it reminds him what's at stake. He knows that even if he fails, as long as he is trying, I will always support him. I may not always agree with the AA philosophy, but this isn't about me. It's working. What else matters?

So...our marriage is intact and better than ever, our daughter knows the truth about the only thing we've ever kept from her, I have a true parenting partner...and did you know that sobriety makes your sex life better?!? True fact!