Introducing myself to everyone!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
Introducing myself to everyone!
Hello all,
My name is Michael and I am 21 years old. I have been an admitted addict since 2009 but I'm sure looking back it started when my friends and I used to roll up and smoke paper on grade 2 recesses out in the school yard. I am a musician who unfortunately bought into the whole dead lifestyle that once was the music industry. I spent years strung out on uppers of any and all kinds and then the last couple years after I quit all the uppers downing myself with downers of ll kinds and psychedilics. Needless to say I've had mutliple hospital visits and even more visits to shrinks and meetings and the local mental hospital.
I have removed all drugs from my life (including tobacco) cold turkey ranging from Oxys to Speed. All except for that complacent green leaf. No matter how mAny times I try I have always wound up back on the stuff. I know some people don't see how it's addictive but how's this for an example. I was addicted to cocaine (8 ball a day for a year at the height of my addiction). And I one day pulled a chunk of my nose out and quit cold turkey by locking myself in my room and smoking dope. Same with Oxys when my heart stopped and speed when I became homeless. Essentially I always had a big scare and quit. When it comes to marijuana I literally sleep outside by choice all year round so I can smoke whenever I want (all day) and I live in Canada. I go through Moldy two week old garbage scrounging for roaches I tossed when I still had weed but when it's gone I go looking for the littlest roaches. I've smoked weed covered in rust and mold. I've jumped through a window from a second story to get out of going to rehab for weed.
I don't know if anyone else feels the same but I would really appreciate some feedback as I am once again back at day 1 of weed sobriety and really trying to succeed. I've never gone to a real detox centre cause I've handled everything else on my own but I apparently have no control over this drug it's honestly pathetic.
My name is Michael and I am 21 years old. I have been an admitted addict since 2009 but I'm sure looking back it started when my friends and I used to roll up and smoke paper on grade 2 recesses out in the school yard. I am a musician who unfortunately bought into the whole dead lifestyle that once was the music industry. I spent years strung out on uppers of any and all kinds and then the last couple years after I quit all the uppers downing myself with downers of ll kinds and psychedilics. Needless to say I've had mutliple hospital visits and even more visits to shrinks and meetings and the local mental hospital.
I have removed all drugs from my life (including tobacco) cold turkey ranging from Oxys to Speed. All except for that complacent green leaf. No matter how mAny times I try I have always wound up back on the stuff. I know some people don't see how it's addictive but how's this for an example. I was addicted to cocaine (8 ball a day for a year at the height of my addiction). And I one day pulled a chunk of my nose out and quit cold turkey by locking myself in my room and smoking dope. Same with Oxys when my heart stopped and speed when I became homeless. Essentially I always had a big scare and quit. When it comes to marijuana I literally sleep outside by choice all year round so I can smoke whenever I want (all day) and I live in Canada. I go through Moldy two week old garbage scrounging for roaches I tossed when I still had weed but when it's gone I go looking for the littlest roaches. I've smoked weed covered in rust and mold. I've jumped through a window from a second story to get out of going to rehab for weed.
I don't know if anyone else feels the same but I would really appreciate some feedback as I am once again back at day 1 of weed sobriety and really trying to succeed. I've never gone to a real detox centre cause I've handled everything else on my own but I apparently have no control over this drug it's honestly pathetic.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
I haven't heard anyone go this far with marijuana, but addiction is addiction. And it sounds like you have a highly addictive personality. Have you ever tried becoming addicted to something that's good for you? Running is great and highly addictive. Just a thought. Great to meet you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
Hi Michael,
Welcome to SR.
I think we should be strong enough to accept help if addiction takes the better of us, saying we need to handle it alone is setting limits for us that are not sensible.
Just a thought – I do not have much advice in your situation.
I am sure that other can can relate and have good advice.
Welcome to SR.
I think we should be strong enough to accept help if addiction takes the better of us, saying we need to handle it alone is setting limits for us that are not sensible.
Just a thought – I do not have much advice in your situation.
I am sure that other can can relate and have good advice.
Not angry just direct
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 257
Hey Michael welcome to SR,
Yeah, I get the 'addiction' with weed. I've only managed to stop smoking it this year (total of.. err.. 23yrs). I've also been in the bins smoking wet butts with god knows what on them.. emptying out the innards and re-rolling it, and routinely going through the ashtray re-rolling butts during the times it was in small supply. I've gone hungry for it, got behind with rent for it, lost friends over it and lost a good chunk of my career over it. It's cost me a lot.
I finally came to a conclusion last year when I started playing guitar again that weed basically ruins my playing, and I'd regained my love for the planks so much that I finally found the strength to cope with not getting stoned. I found something that meant more to me than weed.
Upon realising this I sat for 2 more days before throwing several ounces of the best weed I've ever had down the toilet and that was that. I found a viable reason to stop but if I hadn't realised I can't play when stoned and had playing not become so important to me I doubt I'd have stopped, even though I was and still am so tired of being stoned.
For me there's no such thing as having it in the house and not smoking it constantly.
It'll be why I stop taking benzos next week, too, as I'm realising they basically have the same mojo-robbing effect as weed.
Trouble is I found that opiates are great for helping my mojo and now have a serious codeine habit. Weed has never really agreed with me but for a few recent years I was in a position where I had more available that I could ever smoke so my daily routine was:
Wake up.. smoke two pure joints.. have a coffee.. and then continue smoking continually all day until I passed out. Over the years it slowly aggravated social anxiety, paranoia, depression and feelings of agoraphobia and basically my life was about getting stoned 24/7/365.
I've sold my soul for weed like no other drug and being stoned robbed me of many years of my younger life, and I can never get them back. I can't even remember most of the late 90's and most of the last 3yrs.
I'm not sure weed itself is addictive, more that I have a very high likelihood of wanting to escape reality and weed switches me off perfectly, and when I could get easy access to it in abundance I was buried.
You ain't alone man, I know a few people like this and all of us have a personality trait for escapism that weed seems to answer well, but at great and subtle cost to our lives. Be careful not to replace it with alcohol or another drug like so many of us have done.
May I ask, what in your life is more important to you than getting stoned? Have you ever asked that question?
I'm glad you're starting to see the light. Let the victory come forth.
Yeah, I get the 'addiction' with weed. I've only managed to stop smoking it this year (total of.. err.. 23yrs). I've also been in the bins smoking wet butts with god knows what on them.. emptying out the innards and re-rolling it, and routinely going through the ashtray re-rolling butts during the times it was in small supply. I've gone hungry for it, got behind with rent for it, lost friends over it and lost a good chunk of my career over it. It's cost me a lot.
I finally came to a conclusion last year when I started playing guitar again that weed basically ruins my playing, and I'd regained my love for the planks so much that I finally found the strength to cope with not getting stoned. I found something that meant more to me than weed.
Upon realising this I sat for 2 more days before throwing several ounces of the best weed I've ever had down the toilet and that was that. I found a viable reason to stop but if I hadn't realised I can't play when stoned and had playing not become so important to me I doubt I'd have stopped, even though I was and still am so tired of being stoned.
For me there's no such thing as having it in the house and not smoking it constantly.
It'll be why I stop taking benzos next week, too, as I'm realising they basically have the same mojo-robbing effect as weed.
Trouble is I found that opiates are great for helping my mojo and now have a serious codeine habit. Weed has never really agreed with me but for a few recent years I was in a position where I had more available that I could ever smoke so my daily routine was:
Wake up.. smoke two pure joints.. have a coffee.. and then continue smoking continually all day until I passed out. Over the years it slowly aggravated social anxiety, paranoia, depression and feelings of agoraphobia and basically my life was about getting stoned 24/7/365.
I've sold my soul for weed like no other drug and being stoned robbed me of many years of my younger life, and I can never get them back. I can't even remember most of the late 90's and most of the last 3yrs.
I'm not sure weed itself is addictive, more that I have a very high likelihood of wanting to escape reality and weed switches me off perfectly, and when I could get easy access to it in abundance I was buried.
You ain't alone man, I know a few people like this and all of us have a personality trait for escapism that weed seems to answer well, but at great and subtle cost to our lives. Be careful not to replace it with alcohol or another drug like so many of us have done.
May I ask, what in your life is more important to you than getting stoned? Have you ever asked that question?
I'm glad you're starting to see the light. Let the victory come forth.
to SR! You'll find lots of support here for any addiction. Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,590
Welcome Michael
I was a musician as well and a pot smoker for 30 years - I've been known to be seen crawling on my hands and knees to find the last crumbs of my stash in the carpet, or combing the streets around my house for the baggie I lost, so I get it a little.
It was definitely addictive and destructive for me and my friends.
I was terrified of reality. But I really wanted to change. That guy ^ was not who I wanted to be.
I just up and quit one day. I was sick and tired of it all. I was moving towns and I ran with the chance (unfortunately I took up drinking in earnest but thats another long sad story)
Sounds like it you could use a little support to do it smarter than I did.
You'll find a lot of support here - there are also things like Marijuana Anonymous in Canada - if there's not a meeting by you, an NA (Narcotics Anon) meeting could do too?
https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/...rson/27-canada
D
I was a musician as well and a pot smoker for 30 years - I've been known to be seen crawling on my hands and knees to find the last crumbs of my stash in the carpet, or combing the streets around my house for the baggie I lost, so I get it a little.
It was definitely addictive and destructive for me and my friends.
I was terrified of reality. But I really wanted to change. That guy ^ was not who I wanted to be.
I just up and quit one day. I was sick and tired of it all. I was moving towns and I ran with the chance (unfortunately I took up drinking in earnest but thats another long sad story)
Sounds like it you could use a little support to do it smarter than I did.
You'll find a lot of support here - there are also things like Marijuana Anonymous in Canada - if there's not a meeting by you, an NA (Narcotics Anon) meeting could do too?
https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/...rson/27-canada
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,634
Welcome to the family Michael.
I have no experience with pot, but I definitely went through the trash looking for the last dregs of beer left in cans. I understand the desperation. I'm very glad you reached out for some suggestions & support. I hope you find what you need here - we care about you.
I have no experience with pot, but I definitely went through the trash looking for the last dregs of beer left in cans. I understand the desperation. I'm very glad you reached out for some suggestions & support. I hope you find what you need here - we care about you.
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