Can a drunk be forced out legally?
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1
Can a drunk be forced out legally?
I am getting to the end of my tether.... I have lived with a verbally abusive drunk for too long. We will have been married for 17 years soon, and the last 10 a real struggle as we both suffer depression bouts.
However I always do something about it, my wife however chooses to increase her booze consumption and look for someone to blame - usually me... I lose count of the times I have been verbally abused... I know deep deep down she does not mean it, and keeps telling me she loves me when sober... her actions when sober is of someone desperate for me to love her and be close to her, she tries to win affection by doing things for me that are actually nothing that special, but highlights what she has done.... she is blissfully unable to realise that the damage her abusive words and drinking has done needs much more work than that !!
My girls have had enough too - we want her out. House is for sale, and once sold parting will be cleaner - or recovery becomes a necessity if she wants to stay.
Getting to the stage now though that I cannot stand much more, nor can girls... but why should we leave??? anyone any advice as to what they did to get the abusive drunk out???
Thanks
However I always do something about it, my wife however chooses to increase her booze consumption and look for someone to blame - usually me... I lose count of the times I have been verbally abused... I know deep deep down she does not mean it, and keeps telling me she loves me when sober... her actions when sober is of someone desperate for me to love her and be close to her, she tries to win affection by doing things for me that are actually nothing that special, but highlights what she has done.... she is blissfully unable to realise that the damage her abusive words and drinking has done needs much more work than that !!
My girls have had enough too - we want her out. House is for sale, and once sold parting will be cleaner - or recovery becomes a necessity if she wants to stay.
Getting to the stage now though that I cannot stand much more, nor can girls... but why should we leave??? anyone any advice as to what they did to get the abusive drunk out???
Thanks
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
It depends on the laws where you live. They differ from state to state and country to country. Your best bet would be to contact legal counsel and find out your rights.
Sorry you're dealing with this. You'll find a lot of support here.
Sorry you're dealing with this. You'll find a lot of support here.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome, liverpoolfan! I think Suki is right that laws differ from state to state and country to country.
I personally can't answer your questions...I was the one who left (made it so simple that way). Keep reading here, though...I am sure you will find more posts about this kind of situation here.
Glad you found us; keep coming back!
~T
I personally can't answer your questions...I was the one who left (made it so simple that way). Keep reading here, though...I am sure you will find more posts about this kind of situation here.
Glad you found us; keep coming back!
~T
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 27
I can only comment on my circumstances, but have found it extremely difficult to be able to get AH out of the house. We do not live close to any family and all the 'authorities' seem to be concerned about is whether he has somewhere safe to go to. If not they are unable to make him leave. I have managed to get a safety order out against him but that was only for 24 hrs and I had to pay for him to be in a motel.
I don't have any children at home which may make a difference if you feel it's right for you to go that way.
All the information I get from police, solicitors, counsellors, medical staff etc. is that he has the right to be in his own home and making his own decisions (even if those decisions are bad ones and not he ones a non-A would make).
Sorry if this hasn't been much help, but it's just my experience of years of trying.
I don't have any children at home which may make a difference if you feel it's right for you to go that way.
All the information I get from police, solicitors, counsellors, medical staff etc. is that he has the right to be in his own home and making his own decisions (even if those decisions are bad ones and not he ones a non-A would make).
Sorry if this hasn't been much help, but it's just my experience of years of trying.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Liverpool fan,you probably can't force her out of your house until it sells, unless she is violent or represents a threat to you or the girls. Have you considered a legal separation once the house is sold, so you can set up a new home without her having the right to live in it. I suggest you get legal advice as a priority. You may not want to hide this from her.
It would be hard to establish boundaries about drinking and behaviour if you are all living in the same place, but at least don't enable her drinking by cleaning up the consequences for her.
It would be hard to establish boundaries about drinking and behaviour if you are all living in the same place, but at least don't enable her drinking by cleaning up the consequences for her.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
I don't know the laws where you live. But I can tell you what happened in my situation.
AH was binge drinking and I was so scared of him one night that the police came. They escorted him to the next town. He hadn't been violent (that time) and I was honest about that. It's a long story. Once AH was out and returned the next day, I told him that I didn't want him in the house again until I wasn't scared of him anymore.
He respected that limit, though I let him in during the day to be with the children until it became evening. Then I sent him away. Who knows where he was sleeping during those weeks. I think he agreed because then he could party at night.
A few months later, I had let him spend a few nights with us. But by day 3 he was violent. That was the end of the relationship for me. I forbade him from entering the house. He argued but ultimately did not return inside and I eventually got a restraining order.
He still wants entry from time to time but my 'no' is a very definitive 'no'.
I should add, he is living in our family house in the US and I and the children live in our apartment in Europe. So having two family abodes simplified as well as complicated the situation.
But in essence, I turned what was supposed to be a temporary rental into a family home as a means of escape. I am still working to make it a real home for the children and I. They miss their 'real' home and I miss it for them.
Maybe you can just tell your A that she can't stay at the house when she's been drinking. My AH stayed away when I told him to. Maybe in part because he agreed somewhere inside himself that a drunk doesn't belong in a family home. And maybe because he could then party with a bunch of young women and catch up with our children later?
AH was binge drinking and I was so scared of him one night that the police came. They escorted him to the next town. He hadn't been violent (that time) and I was honest about that. It's a long story. Once AH was out and returned the next day, I told him that I didn't want him in the house again until I wasn't scared of him anymore.
He respected that limit, though I let him in during the day to be with the children until it became evening. Then I sent him away. Who knows where he was sleeping during those weeks. I think he agreed because then he could party at night.
A few months later, I had let him spend a few nights with us. But by day 3 he was violent. That was the end of the relationship for me. I forbade him from entering the house. He argued but ultimately did not return inside and I eventually got a restraining order.
He still wants entry from time to time but my 'no' is a very definitive 'no'.
I should add, he is living in our family house in the US and I and the children live in our apartment in Europe. So having two family abodes simplified as well as complicated the situation.
But in essence, I turned what was supposed to be a temporary rental into a family home as a means of escape. I am still working to make it a real home for the children and I. They miss their 'real' home and I miss it for them.
Maybe you can just tell your A that she can't stay at the house when she's been drinking. My AH stayed away when I told him to. Maybe in part because he agreed somewhere inside himself that a drunk doesn't belong in a family home. And maybe because he could then party with a bunch of young women and catch up with our children later?
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