Debbie

Hi all

I just got home from work and I was wondering if it was my turn already for the quacking. My A just got out of the hospital on Thursday. Things were fine all weekend. I went to work today and talked him to him a couple of times and he seemed ok. I get home and he's not here. Lawn mower is out front, tv is on and no him....no note but the front door is locked. He doesn't drive so I would have to assume he walked some where or was picked up. My gut is telling me nothing....I feel like screaming.

I know I can't control what he does, but how do I get rid of this worry. Its not fair and after I worry I get really mad. I get mad if he was out using and I get mad even if he wasn't because he didn't leave a note.

I guess I just needed to vent....maybe I should go out without leaving a note, see how he likes it......

Take care.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

smoke gets in my eyes

Maybe he thought he'd be back before you?

Me, I'd be pissed about the abandonded lawn mower. Glad your neighborhood is more secure than mine. There would have been NO mower. Then you would have had to wonder if Den's lawnmower story had happened at your house.

Hugs,
Smoke

Morning Glory

HIDE THE MOWER!!

JT

BD,

This might be a good time to try saying nothing...he knows what he did...and why...right now you don't. If you don't react he will have SOMETHING to say about it, if only because you don't.

Maybe it is harmless and maybe it isn't, but it can be fun watching him stew a bit (Duck soup anyone?)...and not be able to blame you for a thing, because you are NOT reacting like he expects.

Morning Glory

Anyway Debbie,

That worry is a killer. I have worried my self into a pretzel. You should see me. My head is touching my knee and my foot is on top of my back.
I'm hopping around on one leg. Can you find a picture of that?

When they go through a program you hope it will work and life will be better. It might not be as bad as you think. Maybe he needed gas for the mower.

Hugs,

MG

smoke gets in my eyes

Oh, MG!
I love the way you think! I would hide the mower too! LOL!

Debbie

Well, I went out for a bit. Took my books back to the library, went and got smokes....still no him. Not too many places to hide the lawn mower but I would if I could lol

I am extremely annoyed. He knows this is my late month at work 9 - 5 and we were supposed to grill. I bet he's out doing what he shouldn't be doing.

I told him before this time was make it or break it, for his sake I hope he just went to the store or got caught up talking to someone. This is very inconsiderate. I can just hear the quacking when he comes home. Well, I don't want to hear it.

Thanks for letting me vent. I will keep you posted....not liking my duck much today.

Many hugs
Love
Debbie

Debbie

Well, I just had a visit from one of my A's friends girlfriend. They supposedly had gone to a meeting but the meeting was an hour long. We talked about and then the boyfriend came to my house without my A, seems he was dropped off at another friends house - she is the herion addict that keeps calling here. Oh well, high hopes dashed yet again. Don't know whether to be mad or to cry. I am hating this ride.

Thanks for listening, think I am going to go to the store for some ice cream....maybe a gallon.

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

Ann

Hi Barbiedeb

I am still handing out milk and cookies - help yourself.

I just went back and read your posts before he went into the hospital, the ones while he was away and this one.

Read them again, if you can. It is a graphic picture of the roller coaster ride.

My suggestion, be careful girl - this man is making you sick, literally...and I say that with compassion. You were healing so nicely and you are such a beautiful person. I am so sorry that you are hurting right now.

Hugs

Debbie

Hi Ann
I think you hit it on the head. He is making me sick....my emotions are in such a turmoil. I just kept hoping that this time. He is such a great guy sober and I do love him, but I cannot take this anymore.

I've been thinking all night, that I need to get out. It's time to make plans. It would be so much easier if he left, and I am going to ask him to.

I just got a phone call from the friend he supposedly went to a meeting with to please not tell my A that he told me where he was. What the heck is that all about.

You know what? I don't care about anyones feelings but my own and if I tell him, I tell him. He shouldn't have told me if it was such a secret.

Oh well, I guess I will go to bed and think some more. I now understand about the giving up hope part

Many hugs
Love,
Debbie

Debbie

Well, I just got a phone call that he is drunk and disorderly in some restuarant did I want to come and get him, because the police were called. I told them to let the police take him. Not sure if I did the right thing but its what I did. I am not going and I am not dealing with it right now. He is the one who continues with this behavior and he is the one that needs to suffer the consequences. I am worried but I can't and won't fix this for him.

Love,
Debbie

Ann

Barbiedeb

Never give up hope - just have the hope for you and your recovery. You deserve it!!!!!

The little bit of spark you have left in you, can grow into a healing candle glow. Stay away from the dynomite.

Hugs

Debbie

I do have hope for me. I guess its the hope I had for him and him and me together that I have given up on. I know I can make it, it will just take time.

Thanks for your encouraging words.

Love,
Debbie

smoke gets in my eyes

Hot Zig Debbie!
Congrats for letting the police come and get him. A perfect ending to a perfectly idiotic campaign.
Stick to your guns. Think of it as a recovery pop quiz.

Love!
Smoke

Debbie

Thanks Smoke, I needed to hear that. I can't sleep and have been feeling a tad guilty for not going but I really didn't want to deal with that and the confrontation. I've always been there fixing, I can't fix it, I am all fixed out.

Any way, not sure where to go from here. Right after I posted all this insanity I received a very short email from my sister, I haven't even talked to her in days. It simply said, with him or without him, you always have your family. So, maybe that is my next step. Just being with my family.

Oh well, I need to try and get some sleep. Still have to go to work.

Take care.
Love,
Debbie

Ann

Barbiedeb

Hang on to your family, hang on to your friends, know that you are blessed to have these people to help you.

You don't have to do any of this alone.

I will say a little prayer for you, and keep the milk and cookies out.

Hugs

Debbie

Hey Ann, I am ready for the milk and cookies. I think my sister must have had a feeling or something. I will have to call her tomorrow.

Any way, I could use all the prayers I can get.

I just got a phone call from the nicest policeman who just wanted to tell me that he had to 302 my A because he was threatening to kill himself and he was very drunk. He obviously wasn't ready to come home. He was in a very good dual diagnosis program and he should have stayed longer. He told me he was going to bring him home and then he started making remarks about going in front of a train (we have a train that runs behind the house) so he took him to the hospital. He told me he will be there for at least 3 days and wanted me to rest a little easier knowing my A didn't hurt anyone, himself and was okay.

I guess I can try to sleep knowing this. This also gives me a couple of days to make a few plans.

I appreciate all of your responses and prayers and thoughts. You guys are the best.

Love,
Debbie

Ann

The prayers are already working. Everyone is safe for now.

Get some sleep and trust that this is for a reason. Tmomorrow is another day, Scarlett,

Hugs

Morning Glory

Debbie,

I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier. I was sick from staying awake too long and had to sleep. I made myself wake up enough to check on you.

I think you did the right thing. It does make you feel guilty when you take steps like this, but remember it is his behavior that got him where he is. Nothing that you did. It's funny how police seem to dump it all on you, but when you are asking them for help they say theres nothing they can do.

Don't think in giant steps, think of the small steps you can take to make your life better. Giants steps are overwhelming and keep you from moving ahead. Try to keep yourself in today.

Love you and I say that after a swallow of milk and cookies.

MG

Ann

BEEN BAKING COOKIES ALL NIGHT

<img src="http://www1.odn.ne.jp/guardian-angel/cookie.gif" alt=" - " />

Help Yourselves!!!!!!

Hugs

P.S. You have NO IDEA how hard it was to make these cookies. You gotta know I love ya.