trixie56

I feel like I've come a long way since my XABF went AWOL just over two months ago. We've been NC the whole time, and I'm definitely feeling better, although not 100%. Sometimes I think I'm too hard on myself because I still think about him and how he treated me. I feel like I was duped because I trusted him this time around, believed he'd 'changed,' and put myself out there. I also feel relieved that I'm no longer there for him to treat like garbage.

I think these emotions were triggered by coming across the movie 'Jarhead' on tv tonight. I've never seen the movie, but just came across a scene with Jake Gyllenhaal and a bunch of Marines getting wasted and crazy. This reminded me of my XABF, who was a Marine and is an Iraq War vet. Much of his time in the Marines was spent drunk, alongside his friends. Looking back, all of his Marine stories involved being drunk or at the bar. Looking back, there were so many red flags that he was an alcoholic. I was with a sober version of him, but he kept reminiscing about these crazy, drunk days in the Marines over 3 years ago. Seeing that movie scene tonight stirred up feelings of rejection and inadequacy. All this from just a movie?

Since things ended with him, I've become super sensitive to the 'party' lifestyle. Toward the end of our relationship, made me feel like I'm an uptight, boring, judgmental b***h because I choose to not spend my time that way. He'd apparently changed his mind about not wanting to party anymore.... When he began making me question myself and who I really was, I began to see that his relationship with alcohol was way more serious than I ever knew.

Considering that one movie scene brought back all these emotions, I am even more in favor of going no contact. I think that's been the best thing I've done for myself since he vanished.

HHTexas

I'm still with AH but I relate. I'm super sensitive to billboards, commercials and movie scenes. Ugh. Oh and the smell of alcohol too. Barf. Congrats on going NC. You should be really proud of the progress

Sueski

I don't think you are too sensitive, Trixie. Living with an active alcoholic changes us, and not really in a good way unless we do the work on ourselves. Even then, there are lingering effects.

You just keep on taking care of YOU!

Springs

I don't think you're too sensitive. Since I discovered my AH's problem I have not wanted to be around drunk people or get drunk myself. I'm totally fine with whatever other people chose to do, but I'm just going to keep myself out of those situations. When I'm around drunk people (e.g. family gathering) I just try to be gentle with myself about how much it bothers me.

spiderqueen

Two months is a very fresh wound, Trixie. You are still in the early stages of recovery, and IMO it's not surprising that drunken behavior, even in a movie, would be upsetting.

I still have many triggers, and it's been about 2 months since I last saw my XABF, as well. Went to a bar with a girlfriend recently to hear some great music, and almost had to leave because a few people were drunk. I felt better after I told her.

As Springs said, just be gentle with yourself!

Bubovski

TRixie.
I see my recovery very much as a never ending challenge.
50 years all types of drinking, into 5 months sobriety, and triggers come from all over the place.
Recently viewed first pub ever (round 16) and it had gone back to its old name (Browns Hotel).
Really triggered a desire , over decades.
Every morning during meditation I recall at least one terrible aspect of my former drinking.

trixie56

Thank you, everyone. It's so nice to feel understood here. I have great friends and family, but none of them have experience with alcoholism. Some of them seem worried that I'm not "fine" by now. They mean well, but they just don't totally understand.

Thanks again

nbay2013

Hi Trixie; Six weeks no contact for me!!!!! Congratulations on your two months. Spiderqueen is right. We are fresh in recovery. And I have been working on not talking too much to people who don't understand, because it really hurts a lot when they get frustrated that I am not dating and am still in pain. But it does get better and better. I can't be around people who drink right now. I just smelled beer on a friends breath the other evening and it made me feel anxious. I totally keep that to myself, because personally I really miss my occasional cocktail, but I simple can't drink right now.

Hugs to you Trixie

wolfpackfan45

Drinking in the media bothers me too. Alcohol almost killed my 22 year old son and I hate to see it glamorized in movies and on TV. It bothers me so much. When we're sitting here watching a football game and a beer commercial comes on I get so uncomfortable. They make it all look so wonderful. I even hate to walk by the wine and beer section in the grocery store now. It's upsetting to me. Hopefully this will change for me over time, but now that I've seen what it's capable of doing to a person I don't know that I can ever really tolerate being around it much.

trixie56

Yes! I was just talking about this the other day with a friend, how much drinking is glamorized in movies/tv. I never thought it was glamorous, even before my XABF, but now I think of it even less so.

Part of this for me is because my XA seemed to glamorize it in his own way. When he started drinking again during our round #2, he called me drunk from a bar and went on and on saying: "I'm not gonna sit home and let life pass me by! I'm not just gonna sit there!" He then proceeded to tell me how I'm "too proud" and approach life incorrectly. He was a lighthearted, easy-going person, and acted as if getting drunk ("partying" to him) was truly living life, having fun, etc. But when I finally saw him in action, drunk and slurring, talking ridiculously at the bar and then getting into a fight (which he later said was "normal!" and laughed at me when I got upset), I saw a whole different story...It didn't look like light-hearted fun to me.