what's the thing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 61
what's the thing
...that's made the most difference for those who have stayed sober?
AA?
Ice Cream? (GOOD GOD I NEVER HAVE LOVED ICE CREAM SO MUCH)
Running?
God?
All of the above?
Just wondering. I feel like I am white knuckling big time, most of the time. My brain is doing back flips. I feel like this dude:
AA?
Ice Cream? (GOOD GOD I NEVER HAVE LOVED ICE CREAM SO MUCH)
Running?
God?
All of the above?
Just wondering. I feel like I am white knuckling big time, most of the time. My brain is doing back flips. I feel like this dude:
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
For me it was first accepting that I cannot control alcohol, it controls me. I knew that for a while but still didn't really translate into sobriety until I realized that life is better sober. And it is. The first month absolutely sucked...pardon the expression but there's no other way to explain it truthfully. But then, little by little I realized alcohol really holds you back from most things in life. It is still early for me too, but I know am better off in every way without alcohol.
Doing Business Since 11/3/2012
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,143
Hey lala. I think there are a lot of things that help, like ice cream, and exercise, AA for some people, but the single most important thing for me has been SR. Staying here, reading here daily and posting. Everything you need to know about trying to stay sober is here. Why and how we struggle. Why and how we fail. It's all here. For certain, SR has been the biggest key to me not drinking for over 10 months now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
The single biggest thing for me was AA. First, just the fellowship, being around others who got it, who understood. Then it was getting a sponsor and doing the steps and learning a new way of life. Connection with a higher power (and I consider myself an agnostic). The serenity prayer. Daily reflections. Have your tried AA? There you can learn how to be happily sober and not have to white knuckle it. Who wants to live like that? There are other programs out there too you could try. Personally, I love AA and I seriously did not think I would. never thought I was the type. Of course, I never thought I was going to be an alcoholic, either.
Other things that have helped--reading books about alcoholism and other peoepls's stories, listening to AA speakers online (there's an app), making my sobriety the number one top priority above all else, writing in a journal, eating chocolate if I wanted it, and this forum of course!
Also, gratitude. Try to focus on the good aspects of being sober. No hangover, no wasted money, no worries about losing your job--whatever it is for you personally. Conversely, you can also remind yourself how bad it was and why you wanted to quit in the first place.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time, and good for you for sticking it out. It will get better. The thing is, when we stop drinking, we end up having to make a lot of other changes as well. Then we are "happy, joyous and free," as the Big Book says. And the "obsession" with alcohol is lifted. I thought this was ridiculous when I first heard it, but it actually happend! No more white knuckling. I still have thoughts of drinking and sometimes even cravings, but they are few and far between, and it usually means I'm not working my program as I should. Life still sucks sometimes, that's life, but it's a zillion times better than when I was drinking.
If we don't enjoy sobriety, what's the point? Please don't give up, and white knuckling is better than drinking, but its not fun. Have you checked out the 24 hour club thread on here? It's a fun thread where you sign up to not drink for 24 hours, and it has a lot of inspiration running through it.
Others will have good suggestions for you. This is a great place to be. Congratulations on your sober time!
Other things that have helped--reading books about alcoholism and other peoepls's stories, listening to AA speakers online (there's an app), making my sobriety the number one top priority above all else, writing in a journal, eating chocolate if I wanted it, and this forum of course!
Also, gratitude. Try to focus on the good aspects of being sober. No hangover, no wasted money, no worries about losing your job--whatever it is for you personally. Conversely, you can also remind yourself how bad it was and why you wanted to quit in the first place.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time, and good for you for sticking it out. It will get better. The thing is, when we stop drinking, we end up having to make a lot of other changes as well. Then we are "happy, joyous and free," as the Big Book says. And the "obsession" with alcohol is lifted. I thought this was ridiculous when I first heard it, but it actually happend! No more white knuckling. I still have thoughts of drinking and sometimes even cravings, but they are few and far between, and it usually means I'm not working my program as I should. Life still sucks sometimes, that's life, but it's a zillion times better than when I was drinking.
If we don't enjoy sobriety, what's the point? Please don't give up, and white knuckling is better than drinking, but its not fun. Have you checked out the 24 hour club thread on here? It's a fun thread where you sign up to not drink for 24 hours, and it has a lot of inspiration running through it.
Others will have good suggestions for you. This is a great place to be. Congratulations on your sober time!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: northern virginia
Posts: 535
ice cream. most definitely.
it's getting better than it was at the beginning, but ice cream is, without a doubt, my go-to.
i've been sober over 3 months... and gained 10 pounds. it sucks.
but... i'm learning to find balance.
the other thing that really helps is journaling. i let whatever is in my head pour down my neck, into my arm, out my hand, onto paper. i don't ever reread it. it just gets whatever is in there, good or bad, out of my space so i can keep going...
it's getting better than it was at the beginning, but ice cream is, without a doubt, my go-to.
i've been sober over 3 months... and gained 10 pounds. it sucks.
but... i'm learning to find balance.
the other thing that really helps is journaling. i let whatever is in my head pour down my neck, into my arm, out my hand, onto paper. i don't ever reread it. it just gets whatever is in there, good or bad, out of my space so i can keep going...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,023
The things that are helping me so far....
My higher power
Meditation
Running
My sponsor
AA meetings
Journaling my emotions
Serenity Prayer
SR
My psychologist
Hope
Being of service to my family
I have no idea how much each of these contribute to my sobriety individually or whether its the combo that works. But I don't question it either as it is working !
I think the biggest factor is that I am actively working at my sobriety, it is my number one priority and nothing gets in the way of it. Nothing.
Keeping sober is selfish but in order for me to be of service to my family, to my friends and to the community, I need to be sober. It's pointless being altruistic and drunk at the same time. That doesn't work !
Meditation
Running
My sponsor
AA meetings
Journaling my emotions
Serenity Prayer
SR
My psychologist
Hope
Being of service to my family
I have no idea how much each of these contribute to my sobriety individually or whether its the combo that works. But I don't question it either as it is working !
I think the biggest factor is that I am actively working at my sobriety, it is my number one priority and nothing gets in the way of it. Nothing.
Keeping sober is selfish but in order for me to be of service to my family, to my friends and to the community, I need to be sober. It's pointless being altruistic and drunk at the same time. That doesn't work !
Last edited by Kaneda8888; 09-13-2013 at 06:48 PM. Reason: Omission
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I agree with very ready. SR has been hugely instrumental to me too. It keeps the process fresh, I recognize the struggles, value how other posters can articulate something I couldn't put words to, can appreciate other's progress, and certain patterns start to become more apparent.
Sometimes I can't see my own behaviors or thoughts clearly, connecting with others here helps me bring my stuff into clearer focus.
Sometimes I can't see my own behaviors or thoughts clearly, connecting with others here helps me bring my stuff into clearer focus.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
I did my fair share of white knuckling and most will say its no way to live a sober life. But for me I had to go through it. I heard way to many times, "without change there is no change". It never really resonated until I got past that stage of recovery. For right now simply stay sober that's it! There will be plenty of time to get to the Graceland! You will get there have faith in you, and it WILL become a joy to live each day again 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Mars
Posts: 296
For me is was: the decision.
I fully decided at one point that I would never drink again, ever, no matter what. That decision overrides everything else. Cravings, difficult situations, etc.. Actually, it made it so it isn't even that difficult, because I firmly stand in life with the attitude of: no matter what happens, I will not drink.
I fully decided at one point that I would never drink again, ever, no matter what. That decision overrides everything else. Cravings, difficult situations, etc.. Actually, it made it so it isn't even that difficult, because I firmly stand in life with the attitude of: no matter what happens, I will not drink.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
Originally Posted by james872 
For me is was: the decision.
I fully decided at one point that I would never drink again, ever, no matter what. That decision overrides everything else. Cravings, difficult situations, etc.. Actually, it made it so it isn't even that difficult, because I firmly stand in life with the attitude of: no matter what happens, I will not drink.
I fully decided at one point that I would never drink again, ever, no matter what. That decision overrides everything else. Cravings, difficult situations, etc.. Actually, it made it so it isn't even that difficult, because I firmly stand in life with the attitude of: no matter what happens, I will not drink.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Commitment...I decided I would do WHATEVER IT TOOK to stay sober.
In the beginning it took 3-4 meetings of AA a week, logging onto SR in the morning, in my lunch break and in the evening, changing my whole weekend pattern and doing things differently...
Now, I've eased up on my meetings, but still go to 1 a week where I have a service position, log onto SR daily and have added therapy and meditation into the mix, I've explored aspects of AVRT, and developed my own little program which involves prayer, physical exercise, and making a gratitude list every day.
The things I do have changed as it has become easier to stay sober and I'm learning how to live my life in new and healthy ways.
But the biggest thing by far was an undertaking that sobriety came first...I would have nothing if I didn't have that.
In the beginning it took 3-4 meetings of AA a week, logging onto SR in the morning, in my lunch break and in the evening, changing my whole weekend pattern and doing things differently...
Now, I've eased up on my meetings, but still go to 1 a week where I have a service position, log onto SR daily and have added therapy and meditation into the mix, I've explored aspects of AVRT, and developed my own little program which involves prayer, physical exercise, and making a gratitude list every day.
The things I do have changed as it has become easier to stay sober and I'm learning how to live my life in new and healthy ways.
But the biggest thing by far was an undertaking that sobriety came first...I would have nothing if I didn't have that.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
The main thing for me was making peace with the fact that i cant drink alcohol. Once i accepted that and the option of alcohol was completely off the table i started to recover. I made my mind up that i would never drink again and have not touched any alcohol or looked back since. Other things that have helped...SR, exercise, healthy eating, writing, changing old habits.
No half measures
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
AA and willingness to do things I disagreed with told to me by people with long-term sobriety and professionals. Changing abolutely anything in my life that needed to be changed. Never ever putting anythi ahead of my sobriety no matter how tempting. Admitting to myself that I could never ever drink like other people. Forming a relationship with a higher power of my choice. Daily prayer and meditation. developing a support network of people in recovery. believing that my addiction had a lifetime to wait for my one moment of weakness. Always being a teachable.
For me recovery is about building a new life not repairing my old and although it is huge job it only has to be done a day at a time
For me recovery is about building a new life not repairing my old and although it is huge job it only has to be done a day at a time
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 350
For me, in the beginning it was not wanting to die. I had drank so much for so long that I went blind and lost use of my legs. I didn't want to die. It scared me more than living did, and living scared the hell outta me. My sight came back and so did my legs. I slowly got better listening to what members of AA had to say, doing what they did - well, most of what they did and to the best of my ability.
As my life got better being clean and sober, in therapy, etc. I got hope that the rest of my life wasn't going to be a wasteland of forgotten things, a confused walk from birth to death full of pain and remorse, loneliness and rage.
Meetings, healthier friends, finding new solutions to old problems, hope, enjoying the passage of time for periods of time, serenity, remembering each day - so many things contributed to what made a difference - being employable for example - that I can't pin it down to any one thing.
The enjoyment of life and a modicum of success combined with working with new folks have combined to keep me clean and sober one day at a time - heck, some times one heart beat at a time.
And sometimes shear stubbornness has kept me sober....
As my life got better being clean and sober, in therapy, etc. I got hope that the rest of my life wasn't going to be a wasteland of forgotten things, a confused walk from birth to death full of pain and remorse, loneliness and rage.
Meetings, healthier friends, finding new solutions to old problems, hope, enjoying the passage of time for periods of time, serenity, remembering each day - so many things contributed to what made a difference - being employable for example - that I can't pin it down to any one thing.
The enjoyment of life and a modicum of success combined with working with new folks have combined to keep me clean and sober one day at a time - heck, some times one heart beat at a time.
And sometimes shear stubbornness has kept me sober....
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