Lost3000

Share at a mtg, then right afterward feel like a complete jack*ss??

At mtgs, I listen intently. I think about what I want to say on the subject. I try to keep in mind what it was like then, what happened, and how it is now. But sometimes I feel my shares don't come out that way!! And then later I remember I was going to say this, or that.

Drives me crazy. I hate the insecurity I feel when sharing.

On a positive note, happy friday all!!!

24hrsAday

i used to worry a LOT more about what i said.. Now i just add at the end (if i feel unsure) "Don't know if that made any sense or not.. just my 2 cents worth"
after all what do i know.. i'm just another Bozo on the bus!

Lost3000

I feel self-conscious about it. And then later I get over it, thinking, well, WTH, it's my experience. I'm in a bit of a rut lately. I'm about 21 months sober. Lately, it's all I can do to get to a meeting. I go about 5 x week. Some days I'm so sick of the people, hearing the same thing. Some days I just sit there, not wanting to share. I think, well, I don't have anything different to say than any of these people. Or I think, if I share, I'll just come out sounding stupid. I don't have anything to add to this meeting.

whiskeyman

if youre not comfortable just listen.
i have been there for a few, and i dont try to plan out my thoughts if i am i am not listening.
Just pass if your not comfortable, it should be genuine

Lost3000

My home group doesn't take turns sharing, so it's not like the spotlight is on me. It's fairly large, and there are plenty of "regulars". Sometimes I share if there's a big silence. See, my group lets people share as they want. So if no one's sharing, and I think of something, I pipe up.

I'm a little concerned that if I just sit there because I'm not comfortable, I'll never be comfortable. Sort of how I felt when I first began coming, meeting people. I wasn't comfortable calling people, but I felt had to get over it. I wasn't comfortable meeting others for coffees as I didn't know them, but I forced myself to go along so that eventually it would be comfortable for me. Does that make sense?

Mark75

Exactly.

@lost... yea, pretty much every time.. but if I only share when moved to share, in that I have experience and my own unique, but yet the same, story to tell, on topic... I still feel like an @ss, but I don't regret it, too much... I don't share every meeting, in fact, most meetings I don't, well, anymore... I know, surprising, LOL... actually, the indicator for me is when I really don't want to... but know that I should, because something resonated that I didn't plan on.

This is all just ego, right?

Lost3000

@Mark: Ego, yes, completely and totally. I'm hoping these feelings will work themselves out, and I actually have faith that they will - given I keep doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I have faith that if I do that, and keep trying/reaching, I will keep growing personally.

Sometimes I feel like I did when I first quit - I want progress and I want it NOW! LOL

Mark75

I actually like those silent intervals, and sometimes wish they would last longer. And wait for the spirit, or higher power, to truly move someone to speak.

paulokes

Yep, I know that feeling. For me, sometimes I'm trying too hard, sometimes thinking too hard and sometimes...well maybe sometimes the nature of what I just said can leave me feeling...vulnerable.

All part of growth for me, in the long run I don't see this as right or wrong but it's interesting to watch those somersault my head goes through.

P

Lost3000

Thanks Paulokes, nice to hear I'm not alone in those feelings!

fraankie

Share at a mtg, then right afterward feel like a complete jack*ss


yeah, me
but
you realize it's important to share after time
no one holds it against you
as they, too probably did the same thing


best
fraankie

paul99

I don't think we are meant to come off as circuit speakers - all polished and "Big Book'ed up" shiny. Some of the best shares come out of a raw place, with no intention of trying to impress or to be "wise". I have felt the same at times - this feeling that either I should have not said anything or that what I said was "wrong". It took me some time to realize when I was sharing from truth and when I was yakking from ego. And when I am too busy composing the great monologue, or chastising myself for messing it up, I am not listening to anyone else and perhaps missing out on something I need to hear.

I do too enjoy those silent moments - it used to carve me up inside, begging for someone to say something. But as I got more comfortable with myself, then I got more comfortable in general, especially at meetings.

Alraihani

I shared about how once the obsession is gone we have recovered. Some lady with 32 years (she came in the 80's) told me that saying things like that is dangerous and she cringed when I use the word recovered. She then proceeded to share that the further away that she gets from a drink the closer she gets to the next one, and that we can NEVER recover but always be recovering.

Her name is Helen, she's like the matriarch of AA where I live. I felt like an ******* after I shared.

fini

She then proceeded to share that the further away that she gets from a drink the closer she gets to the next one, and that we can NEVER recover but always be recovering.

from the preface to the first edition: "to show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered" .
Alraihani, i read this and was shocked.
my impression of AA was that "they" believed no-one recovered.
when i read that....WOW!!!

GracieLou

I have felt this way.

I too think about what to say and it sounds so good in my head until it comes out of my face! I think later I meant to say it another way. I feel it is good to share and I think it is a good thing to think about it later as long as we do not beat ourselves up over it.

I also do this that is not even meeting related. Someone at work says something and later I think, wow that would have been a good thing to say or add but the moment has passed. I tuck it away and hope it pops in my head next time if there is a next time.

It seems I make much better choices in life if I have time to mull it over. Then the answer comes to me and most of the time it can be so obvious, like DAH!!!!

Sometimes my wheels spin slow...lol

ETA: I have had people tell me here and there that I have made a good comment. And I think, I did? I am always surprised and wonder did I really or are they just encouraging me to share more often? What are those AA people up to???? LOL

BadCompany

Used to, then i learned to stop listening to myself.

Boleo

I always have 3 different shares; The one I intended to give, the one I actually gave and the one I wish I had given afterwards.

Johno1967

When I was drinking I used to be very conscious of what id said and would ruminate over it replaying my dialogue in my head and putting myself down for saying this or that. I was so conscious of what others thought. I've learnt since then that this a typical alcoholic trait. We are judgmental perfectionists pulling a train wreck through town.
Now I try to speak my truth free of fear but in a way that is non-confrontational or offensive but is assertive if required. We all have a right to be heard and what others think of me is none of my business. If I stuff it up and need to admit a mistake I do so and watch for pride. I make amends if needed.
Having said that, I must admit in the work place it's becoming more common to talk less and email more. It's like the distance and impersonal nature of emails and the record of exchange is just easier than speaking to the guy at the next desk who has an attitude issue. AA meetings sound like a great place to speak free of fear and full of confidence without being harshly judged on an issue most of society would rather ignore or lend uninformed opinions to. Where else do we get that chance these days in this increasingly hostile world?

afloatsober

Said all sorts of crazy things at meetings....
In very early recovery i just couldn't get my thoughts and mouth to work together.
Nobody berated me, after all, they understood.
As i got a bit better so did my ability to be honest and share.
When my EGO kicked back in i was sooooooo profound.
Thank God my ego began to get to right size and i finally gained some humility.
Now i share a with a bit more honesty, faith and understanding.
Or so i think! LOL.
I'm assured it takes time.
But most importantly i turn up for those meetings come what may.
Be safe.
G

muvinon

Sure. Don't sweat it. Sometimes I will have someone come up and hone in on something I said and realize that I really didn't express whatever it was all that well.

Big deal. Like my friend said, in recovery terms, learning to share well is about 199th on the list of important stuff.