LadySage

So, im back.

When I left here in February I had seperated from my husband of 6 months when he failed to seek treatment for his serious alcohol issues that had caused him to lose his job, become hostile to me and be a poor role model for my daughter. I moved everything out and tried to move on.

In June I made contact with him and we tried to reconcile. I didn't move back in but we began dating. He promised that he was happier now, didn't blame me for moving out and understood that his behavior had caused it. He promised to show me everyday that things would get better and was ecstatic to have a second chance.

In the last few months he has began drinking more, over a fifth a day and I've learned that during our time together last year he had began selling drugs without me knowing. I also learned that during our few months apart he had slept with 17 women and then made contact with two during the last month, one was a therapist whom he again saw for a session and one was a lady from whom he tried to set up a massage with. When I asked him if he had ever slept with the woman he wanted to set up a massage with he lied to my face and told me no. I then discovered a string of texts from him to her describing how wild their sex was, how I didn't know they had been together and that he wanted to set up a massage without a towel and that his d*%k liked it when she talked about it. He didn't end up getting the massage and swears he would have never actually done it and was not intending to cheat. But...I think that he did intend to cheat. He had told me was was going to get a massage from her and had been texting her about it being sexual. This gutted me.

That was the last straw. When I told him he cried and said he felt awful how much he had hurt me. He tried to tell me he would go to rehab and marital counseling but I found him at the bar several days later. I learned a huge lesson, that even intimate deep conversations and saying self aware things mean nothing without actions and behavior change. I learned that he is a liar who can be telling me I'm the best thing in the world while being sexually inappropriate with other women.

Its time for divorce. This is it. I'm done. Headed to the court house next week.

But...this decision is so hard for me and I'm a mess. I feel betrayed and can't look at him yet I feel guilty and sad for us both. I'm really struggling with why I feel so bad for him when I am the one I should feel sorry for.

Why is it so hard to do this? It seems like given the circumstances this should be an easy decision.

27cougar

I don't think it's ever easy because our emotions are involved. But it sounds like you are doing the right thing. When I divorced my first husband, an addict and alcoholic, I was a mess for almost a year before I finally started feeling "normal" again. Give yourself time and take care of yourself.

LadySage

There are small parts of me that are already relieved despite the sadness. I can't wait to see what a year brings. Trying to tell myself just do get this done and not get sucked into Overthinking my decision. My heart knows that this path although painful will end up leading to less pain down the road.

honeypig

I think you are so right, LadySage. I'm so sorry for all the $hit you have waded thru w/this man. The sexual shenanigans would definitely have been the last straw for me too. His actions have just been way out of bounds.

Don't know if you've seen this thread today or not, but it might help you feel better/stronger: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...up-addict.html

Wishing you the gradual unfolding of joy as you grow into your new freedom.

LadySage

I don't know why it took the sexual shenanigans to break that camels back but of all things that was just IT.

That thread gives me hope! Thank you!