AugustWest11

Well seems no matter how good I do; I always end up @ square 1 Made it through most of the day & even past my "window" rule; but instead of just coming here to post, I went @ bought a pint .. I hate hard alcohol too :p Tomorrow is scaring me more than I anticipated.

ScottFromWI

It's good that you are back AW. What do you think you need to do to get serious about getting sober? Do you need a different method or are you just not following the plan you have well enough?

AugustWest11

Thanx Scott; I think I am not putting up the "fight" I should my heart is s in to quitting; but I am letting my mind take over. If that makes sense.

foolsgold66

What is making you so nervous about tomorrow again? Is the booze gone?

Plenny

I'm sorry to hear you got a pint. Please don't beat yourself up though, you will do better. Please stay in touch

AugustWest11

Oh yea, I only grabbed a pint .. As for tomorrow; long story short, my Ex.'s mother & I are having breakfast & she wants to have a heart to heart ..

foolsgold66

Hard to say what that breakfast means. Just keep your composure, no matter what. Slips happen. Dust yourself off and start again.

AugustWest11

Yea I know :p that is what has me so nervous and anxious Of course the pint "helped" for the moment; but now Just as anxious and now feeling guilty and so on so on .. I shouldn't have agreed in the first place; but I also feel obligated b\c she is helping me w\ allot of things up here as well ... It is a twisted thing going on in my head right now ...

kadidee

Thinking of you, August.

AugustWest11

Thanx; I am trying not to :p lol

trikyriky

Aw , what exactly is your relationship and living situation ? Wouldn't it help to get out of that environment ?

Tr

Mark75

Well sure it makes sense.

For some, to quit drinking means not fighting it, anymore. Surrender. Maybe you are powerless (not helpless). If that is the case, then fighting it has no value for you.

trikyriky

Double thread sorry

Tr

AugustWest11

I am living w\ my ex. gf. I have no where I can go; but the streets or back to my home town & I know after my last visit, that would be wise.

ScottFromWI

I would respectfully ask the same AW. You are constantly making vague references to your ex and ex's mother. Is this perhaps the source of some of your ongoing struggles?

AugustWest11

Yes; and No .. i mean the stress and all is not helping things No; Stress I place upon myself mind you .. Reading into moods and such .. But they are helping me more then anyone understands .. Due to my back I need to go on to SSI Disability I don't want to; but it is the only way I can survive .. So my ex is letting me stay here b\c of all the red tape .. Rent free mind you .. Ohhhh; not trying to be vague as much as trying to respect my Ex and not let out too much info on a public forum .. I know strange but hey I am a freak sorry ..

LillianGish

August, its highly likely that all the scenarios you are worried about with GF mother - are way worse and more stressful than what she's actually going to say. Anxiety does that to us and it does suck.

I took a class on worrying once...I know, neurotic. They taught me this: imagine the absolute worst thing she can tell you tomorrow. Got it? Now place yourself there mentally and imagine what what you'll do. Chances are...not a terminal cancer diagnosis that ends your life...you would adjust and take action based on what she says.

Hang in there - you'll figure it out! Try and take care of yourself tonight and cross the mom bridge tomorrow.

kadidee

August, maybe you'll get some peace once the breakfast is done? Regardless of what the conversation is about, at least it will be done and you can move forward (and maybe not make any more plans for heart-to-hearts?). I always get stressed when someone 'wants to talk to me about something'.

AugustWest11

Thanx Lillian, I am fighting..

AugustWest11

Hopefully I can move on. I was blindsided by the invite.. Don't plan on making anymore lol . But like I said, she is helping me so I felt obligation to at least meet.