ImperfectlyMe

So last night my husband said Monday will be 5 months sober for you I'm so proud of you. And all of a sudden I got really uncomfortable felt insanely vulnerable Like I was standing naked in Macy's window. I was like how the hell do you know? Got all defensive and was like really did you mark it in your calander? I don't know why but I felt ashamed when I should have felt proud and glad for his support and acknowledgment!

What the hell is wrong with me? I don't like to talk about my sobriety at all with anyone other than SR. And would prefer not to celebrate milestones in real life. I don't why but hearing and saying I've been sober for nearly 5 months freaks me out!!!! I am in no way looking to go back to drinking. So I don't know why I'm having such an adverse reaction

Soberpotamus

It's understandable. A sober anniversary means that we had an addiction And so attention being brought to that fact, well I can understand it made you feel vulnerable. I sure wouldn't want my husband to announce something like this in front of others, but he and I discuss it all the time, and I always feel good when he recognizes my sober time. But, that's just me. So if you two don't discuss it, and then he mentions your sober date, well I guess that would be awkward, but honestly, you have nothing to feel bad about. And every reason to feel proud that you are sober this long. Btw, you and I are sober for the same amount of time.

foolsgold66

LOL. As long as all else is good, be happy. Might be a bit of guilt that you felt there for having to have such an anniversary in the first place.

ETA: Way to go on 5 months!!!!!

dwtbd

I too am not of a mind to speak about or celebrate days counted or milestones in sobriety , in real life. But I am aware if for no other reason than the sign up/sober date here. And 'here' is where I will discuss such things, and hang out
That being said, I don't know what the hell or if there is anything wrong in your reaction, first off it's yours so , not sure if it can be 'wrong' . Maybe part of you wants it to be longer time, or maybe the idea that it is a time at all, a thing to be noticed ?
Either way ,nice job
And maybe women who fly invisible planes shouldn't be so concerned about a window at Macy's(little avatar humor there)

ImperfectlyMe

Haha love it dwt

PippoRossi

Congrats on your 5 months! Don't be too concerned about your reaction. It sounds like it was a knee-jerk one and that you weren't expecting him to say anything. If you feel bad about it, tell him you're sorry and then be done with it. Who knows why we do/say the things we do in early sobriety?!?!

ersatzmatriarch

well done on 5 months, IM!

least

I can understand you feeling awkward but I think he was just trying to be positive and let you know he was proud of you.

Dee74

Congrats on 5 months Imp - I actually think it's great your hubby remembered.
I hope you'll find some peace with it too

D

ImperfectlyMe

I know it's great I think it's the shame that was involved in that last day I drank. I think I felt Shame that maybe he had written my sobriety date down waiting for me to fail. Quite possibly I was projecting my own stuff and not just being thankful that he was proud of me. I need to be proud of me I guess in order to not feel it was sinister or motivated ( which it was not)

DylanS

Happy 5 months, Imp!

I felt similar when my wife congratulated me on 3 weeks. First, it felt a little intrusive - I resonated with the, "What, have you marked it on your calendar?" feeling. Like I'm being watched, almost parental feeling, I guess.

Second, for me, it feels a little like someone congratulating me for, say, wiping my nose. They're congratulating me on something that is natural and normal and responsible adult behavior for most people, but for which I have to be congratulated on. Sort of embarrassed, I guess.

But, f*ck it - congrats and kudos!

Dee74

My wife knows my sobriety date - not cos she's waiting for me to fail, or she's keeping score, but cos she knows it was a pivotal day in my life

D

Sasha4

I am the same to a certain extent.
I have people I talk to about my stopping drinking to, but not really why I stopped, what happened and all the gory details.

There are people where it is a complete no go and I just say 'yep thats right, I don't drink anymore'.

I think those tend to be people who took great delight in tormenting me about daft things I might have said to humiliate me, or to divert attention away from their own drunken bad behaviour.

I see it as my own private battle and I will fight it as I see fit, as quietly or as loud as I want. Although these days it's not a battle anymore, it's easier to not drink than drink.

I also have no problem saying that I have been smoke free for nearly six years now and that I was a heavy smoker who coughed, spluttered, smelt dire and how happy and proud I am to be free.

Yet with my drinking, there are still things I am ashamed of and I don't like to talk about or admit too. Smoking is fine but drinking is so taboo and such a stigma.

Perhaps its because smoking does not lead to blackouts, insulting people, spilling all your secrets? Who knows?

I wish you the best xxxx

dwtbd

It's odd but sometimes, lately, I find myself thinking and saying(typing) things that when I read them tends to make me see myself as some kind of frickin frolicin unicorn with rainbows shooting skyward out of my arse, but ..let's just look at it as everyday is our sobriety day!!(and I mean this in the most manly way possible)

Anna

Maybe it makes you feel like you're being watched, observed. I don't talk about my recovery either, except here, so it probably surprised you that your husband was paying attention. I think it's nice that he mentioned it, though.

ImperfectlyMe

The more I think about the reason of shame of that date because its also the day after the anniversary of a horrific event I'd wish he as well as myself could forget but I know neither will. I guess that date will ALWAYs be synonymous with the events the day before so time to use it to my advantage and remind me of why I want to never put myself or loved ones through what I shamefully put them through on that day or the days before!

silentrun

I think it's sweet of him to remember. I can totally understand only talking about it here though. Congrats on the 5 months.

Happier

Congrats on your success. I sort of understand the reaction too. I never mentioned my 1 year date or any sobriety date to anyone except people on here. Similarly, I didn't care to remind my wife of the tough days that led up to my quitting a year ago. However, I sort of wish that she had noticed and maybe mentioned something. On the other hand, if she is happy never again discussing anything related to drinking or not drinking then i am cool with that too.
I think discussions, sober anniversaries, etc can often put us and our loved ones in awkward situations. My approach is to just let it ride and take their lead if they choose to bring it up.

TempeBrenn

Hard to share. I feel the "observed, waiting to fail" when I get a similar comment. But it's probably my projection. Your post helped me see, accept, my own reactions. Sorry I can't help you. Seems like you are working thru and CONGRATS on your continued sobriety.

Bebetter

Congrats on 5 months! I actually would feel just like you do, and I think it's because I would feel like I've been babysat or monitored for that 5 months. I already feel weak for letting alcohol catapult me out of control, when I'm supposed to be a full-functioning adult, and it would bug me to feel like I was being monitored (though I can see it from a loved one's point of view that I wasn't the most trustworthy person while drinking... so....). anyway, like previous people have said, it does sound like your husband was coming from the best possible place, complimenting your accomplishments, but I would have taken it badly too!!