Day One - hair falling out, teeth feel loose
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sonoma County, CA
Posts: 16
Day One - hair falling out, teeth feel loose
Hi,
I came here over a year ago and did a drive-by. I'm back and thinking that this forum could really help me. I'm in a pretty bad way and know that I need to stop trying to destroy myself. I have been drinking about 1 - 1 1/2 bottles of wine every night for over a month (maybe more) now. My hair is falling out and my teeth feel lose in my gums. I have seen/known these things for several weeks and know that if i don't stop, I may end up in a hospital very soon.
I'm on Day One (technically Day Two, since i didn't drink at all yesterday, but was drunk/hungover all day long). The last time i was sober was about a year ago - I had 6 months of sobriety at that point when i flipped the switch.
Many things had happened up until that point before i made the conscious decision to begin drinking again - namely that i became pregnant at 43, my boyfriend insisted i have an abortion and didn't care what i wanted, he kicked me out of the house (which he could, i wasn't on a lease and his friend owned the place), i had to sleep on a friend's couch in her studio for 3 weeks, i eventually got an abortion because i was unemployed at that time and couldn't see how i could support myself and a baby, i lost my community and network of support, and everything was just one huge cluster f**k of despair.
On my 6 month sobriety anniversary, i decided that if all this could happen to me in sobriety and i was expected to deal with everything, that i would just go back to drinking so i could spend some time during the day not thinking about how miserable and sad my life had become.
Anyways, i have been a functional drunk during that year. i have held a job at a bank, re-kindled the relationship with the ex-boyfriend (what a mistake!), had my 23 year old pregnant daughter come live with me, have her baby, then go back into the same abusive relationship she had come out of.
I have now lost my job due to lay-offs in the banking/lending industry. I have applied for unemployment and will need to apply for other assistance too. i am at a huge crossroads in my life where i have basically grappled for the past several months on whether it was worth it to keep living. I have no family here, just one friend, no job or direction at this point, and the only thing that has kept me going is that i have a dog (and two cats, but they would be fine without me).
I am not currently suicidal, but it has definitely been in my realm of consciousness over the past few months. I am writing this all down because i think i am choosing to "get busy living" instead of "get busy dying" (great quote/advise from the movie "The Green Mile").
Thank you for reading and any personal words of support you can provide.
I came here over a year ago and did a drive-by. I'm back and thinking that this forum could really help me. I'm in a pretty bad way and know that I need to stop trying to destroy myself. I have been drinking about 1 - 1 1/2 bottles of wine every night for over a month (maybe more) now. My hair is falling out and my teeth feel lose in my gums. I have seen/known these things for several weeks and know that if i don't stop, I may end up in a hospital very soon.
I'm on Day One (technically Day Two, since i didn't drink at all yesterday, but was drunk/hungover all day long). The last time i was sober was about a year ago - I had 6 months of sobriety at that point when i flipped the switch.
Many things had happened up until that point before i made the conscious decision to begin drinking again - namely that i became pregnant at 43, my boyfriend insisted i have an abortion and didn't care what i wanted, he kicked me out of the house (which he could, i wasn't on a lease and his friend owned the place), i had to sleep on a friend's couch in her studio for 3 weeks, i eventually got an abortion because i was unemployed at that time and couldn't see how i could support myself and a baby, i lost my community and network of support, and everything was just one huge cluster f**k of despair.
On my 6 month sobriety anniversary, i decided that if all this could happen to me in sobriety and i was expected to deal with everything, that i would just go back to drinking so i could spend some time during the day not thinking about how miserable and sad my life had become.
Anyways, i have been a functional drunk during that year. i have held a job at a bank, re-kindled the relationship with the ex-boyfriend (what a mistake!), had my 23 year old pregnant daughter come live with me, have her baby, then go back into the same abusive relationship she had come out of.
I have now lost my job due to lay-offs in the banking/lending industry. I have applied for unemployment and will need to apply for other assistance too. i am at a huge crossroads in my life where i have basically grappled for the past several months on whether it was worth it to keep living. I have no family here, just one friend, no job or direction at this point, and the only thing that has kept me going is that i have a dog (and two cats, but they would be fine without me).
I am not currently suicidal, but it has definitely been in my realm of consciousness over the past few months. I am writing this all down because i think i am choosing to "get busy living" instead of "get busy dying" (great quote/advise from the movie "The Green Mile").
Thank you for reading and any personal words of support you can provide.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
Welcome. Spend some time reading this site and keep posting on your progress. People care. Just take it a step at a time. Your hair and teeth will get more healthy, you'll make steps to find healthy friendships. In the meantime, your body needs you to stay sober, and your dog need to keep his friend. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
Welcome to SR sounds like a ****** ride you've had lately but your here now and you've started a valuable journey where things can only get better, although drunk things might feel a bit better their not really - we are usually just ignoring the problems but sober we deal with them as difficult and uncomfortable and scary as they may be at least we are trying to fix them.
You will always have people on this site who genuinely care and understand what your going through because we are all digging ourselves out the same black hole! Don't feel alone and post yourself out lol cos it will help and there's some really intelligent people here who will offer you some of the best advise
I wish you the best and again welcome!
You will always have people on this site who genuinely care and understand what your going through because we are all digging ourselves out the same black hole! Don't feel alone and post yourself out lol cos it will help and there's some really intelligent people here who will offer you some of the best advise
I wish you the best and again welcome!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
So sorry things have been so hard. In addition to this website it may be helpfull to check out some of the local support groups in your area. Here is a list for various support groups in Sonoma county. As horrible as things may feel, I think talking to someone would be very helpful. There are 24hour "WarmLine" phonenumbers which are staffed by volunteers who have been through similar challenges and strugles.
If you have a chance please Give this list a glance and let me know if it is helpful at all.
http://www.namisonomacounty.org/pdf/...es/classes.pdf
Confidential 24hour phone support line is always available at 1-800-273-8255
If you have a chance please Give this list a glance and let me know if it is helpful at all.
http://www.namisonomacounty.org/pdf/...es/classes.pdf
Confidential 24hour phone support line is always available at 1-800-273-8255
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sonoma County, CA
Posts: 16
Thank you :)
Thanks for the messages, I really appreciate it. I especially appreciate the resource guide that SeekSobriety posted...very helpful, and now that I am unemployed, i may be able to actually get some counseling/support services that having an income has prevented me from getting before.
Oftentimes it feels like i could disappear and no one would know for awhile - and once discovered, no one would really be that adversely affected. As sad as it seems that the only place i could really go for support is an anonymous forum with a bunch of strangers instead of my own family (none of them live in my state anyways), at least this is available to help.
I really do appreciate the time that everyone took to help a stranger.
Oftentimes it feels like i could disappear and no one would know for awhile - and once discovered, no one would really be that adversely affected. As sad as it seems that the only place i could really go for support is an anonymous forum with a bunch of strangers instead of my own family (none of them live in my state anyways), at least this is available to help.
I really do appreciate the time that everyone took to help a stranger.
God's work in progress
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 515
Welcome Kassandra! If you stay here long enough you will see that surely you are not a stranger. SR is like family. A huge family of incredibly supportive people who "get" where you are coming from. We've been there, in one form or another.
Keep reading and posting. You'll find tons of support.
Wish you all the best on your sober journey!
Hugs,
Kim xo
Keep reading and posting. You'll find tons of support.
Wish you all the best on your sober journey!
Hugs,
Kim xo
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 61
Hi Kassandra, welcome to SR.
It's never too late to turn yourself around. Teeth can be fixed, hair can be regrown. Sure, it costs money, but that can be earned, too. Small steps will help you get where you want to be, as long as you delay the gratification of the quick "fix" of a drink and look to the future. Delaying gratification and planning ahead is something I'm struggling with, too, but I know it can be done. You'll be much happier for it. Don't give up hope.
It's never too late to turn yourself around. Teeth can be fixed, hair can be regrown. Sure, it costs money, but that can be earned, too. Small steps will help you get where you want to be, as long as you delay the gratification of the quick "fix" of a drink and look to the future. Delaying gratification and planning ahead is something I'm struggling with, too, but I know it can be done. You'll be much happier for it. Don't give up hope.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sonoma County, CA
Posts: 16
Looking to the future - part of the problem
Originally Posted by Zazzzzz 
Hi Kassandra, welcome to SR.
It's never too late to turn yourself around. Teeth can be fixed, hair can be regrown. Sure, it costs money, but that can be earned, too. Small steps will help you get where you want to be, as long as you delay the gratification of the quick "fix" of a drink and look to the future. Delaying gratification and planning ahead is something I'm struggling with, too, but I know it can be done. You'll be much happier for it. Don't give up hope.
It's never too late to turn yourself around. Teeth can be fixed, hair can be regrown. Sure, it costs money, but that can be earned, too. Small steps will help you get where you want to be, as long as you delay the gratification of the quick "fix" of a drink and look to the future. Delaying gratification and planning ahead is something I'm struggling with, too, but I know it can be done. You'll be much happier for it. Don't give up hope.
and i have absolutely no one to help me but myself. I'm scared and lonely.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Hi Kassandra, Congratulations on choosing sobriety. I personally do not think 6 months is long enough to get to a happy, sober life. I believe it takes time to find the joy again. Sobertime. The hairloss may be about stress. I had it for a few months during a stressful time in my life. It simply quit falling out when I got my life together. I hope it works that way for you. I did go to the doctor and have tests done. If it continues, you may want to do that. Whatever trials you are going thru, I don't think drinking is the answer. I'm sending you my very best regards. Love and a hug too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sonoma County, CA
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by pinkdog
Hi Kassandra, Congratulations on choosing sobriety. I personally do not think 6 months is long enough to get to a happy, sober life. I believe it takes time to find the joy again. Sobertime. The hairloss may be about stress. I had it for a few months during a stressful time in my life. It simply quit falling out when I got my life together. I hope it works that way for you. I did go to the doctor and have tests done. If it continues, you may want to do that. Whatever trials you are going thru, I don't think drinking is the answer. I'm sending you my very best regards. Love and a hug too.
I was not a dry drunk during that time, in fact, sobriety came to me rather easily. After rehab, i spent the next 12 months with no cravings whatsoever. the last 7 months of that period of sobriety was spent going to no meetings whatsoever. i sort of concluded that perhaps i wasn't an alcoholic.
i agree that drinking is not the answer. it seems to provide a temporary way to stop thinking for the time that i'm drunk, then the next morning/day, i end up focusing on how sick i feel, the impending sense of doom, etc.
I do agree that i need to stop drinking and spend this time - as scary as it may be - focusing on figuring out what direction to go in my life.
Thanks again for the response and encouragement
to SR! I'm glad you joined us but sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. I hope you can catch a break with your bills until you start getting unemployment.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
One more thing, here is a list of some job resources in Sonoma County.
Employment Services & Job Search Resources | Human Resources | County of Sonoma
There is some helpfull info there. There are many support options available up in Marin and Sonoma, sometimes they might be hard to find but there really are lots of helpfull agencies and organizations which can help get things back
On track. While sometimes the best option might appear to ignore the bills or try and hide from the problem, truth is if you are up front and honest about your financial situation, most supervisors of companies are willing to setup special payment plans and help figure out a way to assist during this difficult time.
In my opinion the worst thing to do now is to Isolate. I am glad you are posting here and I hope you find the assistance you need right now. We care and hope things get better for you soon.
Here is another helpfull resource from EDD
When You Have Been Laid Off
Employment Services & Job Search Resources | Human Resources | County of Sonoma
There is some helpfull info there. There are many support options available up in Marin and Sonoma, sometimes they might be hard to find but there really are lots of helpfull agencies and organizations which can help get things back
On track. While sometimes the best option might appear to ignore the bills or try and hide from the problem, truth is if you are up front and honest about your financial situation, most supervisors of companies are willing to setup special payment plans and help figure out a way to assist during this difficult time.
In my opinion the worst thing to do now is to Isolate. I am glad you are posting here and I hope you find the assistance you need right now. We care and hope things get better for you soon.
Here is another helpfull resource from EDD
When You Have Been Laid Off
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Hi Kassandra, welcome...i identify with some of your problems too.
i lost 50% of my hair, (stress combined with poor nutrition, 10 glasses of wine a night, high bp, lost a relationship, mother dying slowly and the cherry on top? menopause! I was 52 when i finally stopped.
drinking makes everything worse, including your finances.
i'm sorry your daughter's situation is stressful too, but you really can pull yourself out of this hole and come into some sunlight. you can find a better job, think logically when you are sober...
take your wine $$, get on a better diet and a good multivitamin..eat to live.
your gums will strengthen if you start flossing and you can gargle with saltwater if they are bleeding.
do you have any family besides your daughter that can support you?
we are here 24/7.
unemployment can also help you find a new job?
anyway, welcome and please keep posting, better than drinking.
i lost 50% of my hair, (stress combined with poor nutrition, 10 glasses of wine a night, high bp, lost a relationship, mother dying slowly and the cherry on top? menopause! I was 52 when i finally stopped.
drinking makes everything worse, including your finances.
i'm sorry your daughter's situation is stressful too, but you really can pull yourself out of this hole and come into some sunlight. you can find a better job, think logically when you are sober...
take your wine $$, get on a better diet and a good multivitamin..eat to live.
your gums will strengthen if you start flossing and you can gargle with saltwater if they are bleeding.
do you have any family besides your daughter that can support you?
we are here 24/7.
unemployment can also help you find a new job?
anyway, welcome and please keep posting, better than drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
welcome back Kassndra
some great advice here - the only thing I'd add is seeing a Dr to make sure you're not vitamin deficient or whatever?
There are a lot of free or low cost clinics around - if there's one in your local area you might get some medical advice there?
Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics
2-1-1 Call Center Search
D
some great advice here - the only thing I'd add is seeing a Dr to make sure you're not vitamin deficient or whatever?
There are a lot of free or low cost clinics around - if there's one in your local area you might get some medical advice there?
Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics
The 10377 clinics in this database are free, low cost, low cost with a sliding scale based on income, or offer some type of financial assistance.
2-1-1 provides free and confidential information and referral. Call 2-1-1 for help with food, housing, employment, health care, counseling and more. Learn more about your local 2-1-1 by looking it up here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sonoma County, CA
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Carlotta
OMG you went through hell and back Kassandra. I hope you stick with us and you remain sober this time around. Welcome back to sobriety and a sisterly hug to you 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sonoma County, CA
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Dee74
welcome back Kassndra
some great advice here - the only thing I'd add is seeing a Dr to make sure you're not vitamin deficient or whatever?
There are a lot of free or low cost clinics around - if there's one in your local area you might get some medical advice there?
D
some great advice here - the only thing I'd add is seeing a Dr to make sure you're not vitamin deficient or whatever?
There are a lot of free or low cost clinics around - if there's one in your local area you might get some medical advice there?
D
Thanks so much to everyone!
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