LuckyGirl99

How do other Sober Recovery members handle living with a spouse who has no issue with alcohol and enjoys their wine? I loved relaxing and visiting with my husband over wine, but I would always have more than he and suffer more negative consequences. He is a normie and drinks around me. I feel left out of the fun, like I am a downer.

I realize that I have control over my thoughts and feelings and that no one can make me feel a certain way. I just wanted to vent and see how others feel about this topic.

I appreciate any feedback. This forum makes me feel like a "normie"! Thank you fellow sober recovery friends for sharing your experiences.

Bruce292

My wife has a beer, sometimes two, some evenings. She always stops after 1 or 2. I've mentioned this before but that's inconceivable to me. I finally decided that alcohol was everywhere and if I was going to stop I just needed to stop even if it was in the house. So far it's been OK (5 months). I've *finally* come to the conclusion that the first beer is really ten and the experience is never going to be like what my brain is telling me it's going to be like. Anyway, that's me ... I can't speak for anyone else.

I'm glad you came here to vent. It's a *great* place to do that. Thank you for posting

LuckyGirl99

Thank you, Bruce. Just what I needed to read as he sits down across from me with a glass of very aromatic Savignon Blanc. He will probably only drink one or two glass. Whereas I would have one, two, three, and maybe more.

I'm not going to have any booze tonight. Have a good night.

ReadyAtLast

I can relate as my husband drinks normally. It helped to some extent as itwasn't my favourite drink that he drank but hey booze is still booze

It is possible to quit when your h is drinking. I trained myself to switch off.The mind is a very powerful tool. I'm at nearly 9 months now and H still drinks. It doesn't bother me inthe slightest now. The smell and look of red wine isn't attractive at all-it's poison

I think the way you say you have control over your thoughts is critical and that is what will get you through this. Some recommended books which have helped me are:

Rational Recovery-AVRT-Jack Trimpney
Allen Carr-The easy way to control alcohol-teaches your mind to look at alcohol as a poison-why on earth would you WANT to drink it

I've recently started looking at Women for Sobriety which I' m finding excellent for personal growth and being in a position where I don't want to drink because it's no good for me,even if everyone around me is drinking WELCOME TO WFS ONLINE!

longbeachone

My husband was a normal drinker...drank maybe three or four times a month, could walk away from a half full glass without a backward glance. Once in awhile, maybe twice a year, he would drink at a party and have enough to get pretty happy.

Two years ago, following routine gall bladder surgery, he contracted a flesh eating bacteria in his abdomen that put him in the hospital for seven months, followed by four months at home recovering. He lost most of his pancreas, and had some other long term damage. The end result was that he had to completely stop drinking, which he did like any other normie, without batting an eye.

Incidentally, staying sober throughout this ordeal, during which he very nearly lost his life several times and spent ages in intensive care, is one of my greatest achievements as a sober person. He often tells me that if I hadn't been there for him, he would have given up.

Natom

My ex-fiance drank quite heavily throughout our relationship. I didn't really find it to be an issue at the time. I was 'white knuckling' at the time and looking back on it I found it really annoying that she could drink and I couldn't. However the girl I'm 'kinda seeing' now asks whether I mind before she opens every drink. I'm in a much better state of recovery and I really don't consider it to be a problem any more. In fact I rather enjoy staying sober as other people get progressively drunk. It reminds me why I don't drink anymore

Natom.

LuckyGirl99

Hi longbeachone, I'm sorry to hear about your husband's medical problems, but I am happy that you were able to be there for him. I really have no one in my immediate circle who doesn't drink, so I'm trying to view my lifestyle change as something that I need to do that may help others realize that we can change and we don't have to drink to socialize. Thank you for sharing with me.

tootsl1

Hi LG, my hubby is a normie, when I opened up to him about my drinking, he chose to support me and not drink in front of me. In the beginning I was glad, but now I tell him, if he wants a beer or a glass of wine, to have one. I won't say it totally doesn't bother me; but sharing a bottle of wine would never have been enough for me soi would either have encouraged him to tie one on with me, drank in secret in another room to 'top up' or ended the night frustratedly soberish! So because I love him and because he is wonderfully supportive in so many ways, and because he usually asks my if its ok, I am happy for him to drink in front of me. Any regrets I have at not being able to join him are all my own

wakko

My normie wife was so happy that I quit drinking she was only too willing to have a Dry House. When we go out she drinks which is fine with me I just don't want it around the house. Seems to have worked out pretty well