A troubled sibling.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Marrero, LA
Posts: 3
A troubled sibling.
I'm here because I just need really express all of my feelings on what's going on in my life at the moment. First things first, I live in my mother's home, and I am currently unemployed. Aside from living with my mother (who works), I also live with my sister (who also works) and her young child. (I may not be able to respond to any posts since my mother plans to cut off the cable bundle tomorrow due to it being too pricey, but as soon as I can go by my grandmother's home, I'll use the wi-fi there to check and see if I have any messages. I've never done this before--spoken online like this, so I'm really hoping I receive some kind of response.)
The reason I am posting this is because of my frustration over the fact that my sister--the baby of us two--has been smoking cigarettes, cigars, and marijuana since she was in her late teens and now at the age of 20, she is "grown" as she says and is smoking marijuana more frequently now while smoking a cigar or so every now and then. Let me remind you once againt that she has a young child--a child no more than 10 months, 11 months on the 20th of August. She can be the sweetest person ever, but she can also be mean, aggressive, and an impulsive liar. She is also very ... I want to say ... gullible? My mother says she's IN LOVE because she latches onto all of the BS that her ex-boyfriend tells her and then throws it at my mother in anger, even repeating his words to my mother.
She says that she's going out to a friend's or to the store and comes back smelling like marijuana hours later or with inflamed eyes. The first time she smoked it in my mom's house, it brought my mother to tears and she accused me of not seeing it because I just turn a blind eye to it, even though that was wrong to do. She's done it two other times after that, but now just comes back smelling or looking like she's loaded.
A little more than a week ago, she got into a fight with her ex-boyfriend's girlfriend and got a citation because of it. This is the second fight they've had. Said ex-boyfriend did nothing last time around, but grabbed her to allow his girlfriend to give my sister a black eye this time around. Yesterday, she seemed to be letting her back in, giggling and chatting him up on the phone. I just wanted to add that in, and the fact that my mom no longer likes her ex-boyfriend at all and doesn't want to see him around the house at all (and threatened to call the police) because he was the one who brought the new girlfriend over to fight my sister.
[She had that BS moment yesterday, telling my mom the same things he said to her. I think he threatened to have the baby taken away too, but he's not right in the head himself, so I'm sure the baby would come to my mother by default?) My mom washed her hands with my sister's and her ex-boyfriend's dealings because she is VERY frustrated herself. The continued drug use only ADDS to that frustration.
I don't understand my sister. I can't trust her. I don't feel comfortable around her, especially when she's high. I can't help but look at her with disdain. I love my sister, but I hate what she's doing and the fact that she can't even seem to "get her head on tight" as my mom says.
My mother has constantly had arguments with her, but nothing seems to get through to her. If she has another fight, she's going to be taken to jail. I worry that the baby will get taken away because of her addiction or that we, me and my mom, will somehow be in trouble because of her addiction.
Just today--it's very early in the morning--I left the room with intentions on peeking in on my nephew and her to see if they were still asleep and the smell of marijuana was STRONG. Opening the bathroom door, I found several remains of what I'm sure was marijuana in the toilet, just sitting there. I flushed the toilet and sprayed the bathoom because this is already stressful enough on my mom. She talked to my sister in the afternoon when she came back loaded and then she goes and does it again!
After spraying the bathroom, I sprayed the hallway and the kitchen and the living room before peeking into her room ... to find her not there! I saw the wooden door unlocked and found that the iron door was also unlocked, so I sprayed her room as well--which had finally stopped smelling like marijuana for a while now. (When she had come home then, the baby was in the room and the smell was very bad, very strong and she allowed her own child to stay in there with her.) Checking on my nephew, he was asleep thank god, I called my sister on the phone and told her that she needs to get home. She asked me if her baby was awake and I said no, but that she needed to come home. She said okay, but that was a lie.
10 minutes passed before I peaked out her window to see if she was going to come out of her friend's house, but she didn't. Then I headed towards the front door and opened the wooden door and heard her talking across the street. I waited several more minutes before calling again and a similar conversation came about, but I let her hear how annoyed I sounded and said I would lock all the doors until she decided she wanted to come back.
I think the marijuana has seriously messed with her brain.
Eventually, she came home ... loaded AGAIN! It's just ridiculous, and she has to go to work this morning. I told her that she has time to be across the street and smoke, but she can't be in the house with her child and sleep in preparation of getting up for the next day.
There's just so much going on--there has BEEN so much that's went on--it's just... I don't know what to do. What can me and my mom do?? She doesn't want her to smoke and neither do I and I can't help but think if this drug use will have bad effects on the baby if she just SMELLS like it and if someone will come into the house when she sneaks off into the night to talk to her friends and smoke and that someone try to hurt me or the baby.
I don't think she's going to stop anytime soon, and I've washed my hands with her a few times as well, but I still watch the baby when she goes to work because of my mother's schedule, she can't watch him most of the week so it falls to me because I am unemployed. I'm fine with that, but if she has money and hasn't smoked in a while, she's definetely going to lie and go out and buy her little $5 bag--like she told my mother VERY recently.
I hate how she's frustrating my mother and seems to be following the same path that our father followed and that she's exposing the baby to the disgusting smell.
Another thing, her FRIEND smokes and has a child, so I guess she just thinks it's okay for HER to smoke and have a child, also; a friend who cared about you wouldn't want you follow the same path--wouldn't smoke with you, I think. I don't like her friend anymore, haven't liked her for a while. I don't like the neighborhood we stay in.
If anyone has the time to respond to this and offer advice, support, a similar experience, or anything like that, please do. I'm just at a lost.
I've even read about having the police intervene--having my mom call the police on her. Is that even a GOOD decision? I feel like she's endangering the baby--I mean, she is. She definetely IS.
The reason I am posting this is because of my frustration over the fact that my sister--the baby of us two--has been smoking cigarettes, cigars, and marijuana since she was in her late teens and now at the age of 20, she is "grown" as she says and is smoking marijuana more frequently now while smoking a cigar or so every now and then. Let me remind you once againt that she has a young child--a child no more than 10 months, 11 months on the 20th of August. She can be the sweetest person ever, but she can also be mean, aggressive, and an impulsive liar. She is also very ... I want to say ... gullible? My mother says she's IN LOVE because she latches onto all of the BS that her ex-boyfriend tells her and then throws it at my mother in anger, even repeating his words to my mother.
She says that she's going out to a friend's or to the store and comes back smelling like marijuana hours later or with inflamed eyes. The first time she smoked it in my mom's house, it brought my mother to tears and she accused me of not seeing it because I just turn a blind eye to it, even though that was wrong to do. She's done it two other times after that, but now just comes back smelling or looking like she's loaded.
A little more than a week ago, she got into a fight with her ex-boyfriend's girlfriend and got a citation because of it. This is the second fight they've had. Said ex-boyfriend did nothing last time around, but grabbed her to allow his girlfriend to give my sister a black eye this time around. Yesterday, she seemed to be letting her back in, giggling and chatting him up on the phone. I just wanted to add that in, and the fact that my mom no longer likes her ex-boyfriend at all and doesn't want to see him around the house at all (and threatened to call the police) because he was the one who brought the new girlfriend over to fight my sister.
[She had that BS moment yesterday, telling my mom the same things he said to her. I think he threatened to have the baby taken away too, but he's not right in the head himself, so I'm sure the baby would come to my mother by default?) My mom washed her hands with my sister's and her ex-boyfriend's dealings because she is VERY frustrated herself. The continued drug use only ADDS to that frustration.
I don't understand my sister. I can't trust her. I don't feel comfortable around her, especially when she's high. I can't help but look at her with disdain. I love my sister, but I hate what she's doing and the fact that she can't even seem to "get her head on tight" as my mom says.
My mother has constantly had arguments with her, but nothing seems to get through to her. If she has another fight, she's going to be taken to jail. I worry that the baby will get taken away because of her addiction or that we, me and my mom, will somehow be in trouble because of her addiction.
Just today--it's very early in the morning--I left the room with intentions on peeking in on my nephew and her to see if they were still asleep and the smell of marijuana was STRONG. Opening the bathroom door, I found several remains of what I'm sure was marijuana in the toilet, just sitting there. I flushed the toilet and sprayed the bathoom because this is already stressful enough on my mom. She talked to my sister in the afternoon when she came back loaded and then she goes and does it again!
After spraying the bathroom, I sprayed the hallway and the kitchen and the living room before peeking into her room ... to find her not there! I saw the wooden door unlocked and found that the iron door was also unlocked, so I sprayed her room as well--which had finally stopped smelling like marijuana for a while now. (When she had come home then, the baby was in the room and the smell was very bad, very strong and she allowed her own child to stay in there with her.) Checking on my nephew, he was asleep thank god, I called my sister on the phone and told her that she needs to get home. She asked me if her baby was awake and I said no, but that she needed to come home. She said okay, but that was a lie.
10 minutes passed before I peaked out her window to see if she was going to come out of her friend's house, but she didn't. Then I headed towards the front door and opened the wooden door and heard her talking across the street. I waited several more minutes before calling again and a similar conversation came about, but I let her hear how annoyed I sounded and said I would lock all the doors until she decided she wanted to come back.
I think the marijuana has seriously messed with her brain.
Eventually, she came home ... loaded AGAIN! It's just ridiculous, and she has to go to work this morning. I told her that she has time to be across the street and smoke, but she can't be in the house with her child and sleep in preparation of getting up for the next day.
There's just so much going on--there has BEEN so much that's went on--it's just... I don't know what to do. What can me and my mom do?? She doesn't want her to smoke and neither do I and I can't help but think if this drug use will have bad effects on the baby if she just SMELLS like it and if someone will come into the house when she sneaks off into the night to talk to her friends and smoke and that someone try to hurt me or the baby.
I don't think she's going to stop anytime soon, and I've washed my hands with her a few times as well, but I still watch the baby when she goes to work because of my mother's schedule, she can't watch him most of the week so it falls to me because I am unemployed. I'm fine with that, but if she has money and hasn't smoked in a while, she's definetely going to lie and go out and buy her little $5 bag--like she told my mother VERY recently.
I hate how she's frustrating my mother and seems to be following the same path that our father followed and that she's exposing the baby to the disgusting smell.
Another thing, her FRIEND smokes and has a child, so I guess she just thinks it's okay for HER to smoke and have a child, also; a friend who cared about you wouldn't want you follow the same path--wouldn't smoke with you, I think. I don't like her friend anymore, haven't liked her for a while. I don't like the neighborhood we stay in.
If anyone has the time to respond to this and offer advice, support, a similar experience, or anything like that, please do. I'm just at a lost.
I've even read about having the police intervene--having my mom call the police on her. Is that even a GOOD decision? I feel like she's endangering the baby--I mean, she is. She definetely IS.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Wow, it looks like you are having a very rough time with your sister. You will probably get more responses from people who have been in your situation if you post this in the friends and family section of this forum. Below is the link.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Now, with that being said, I would suggest that you and your mom get to an narnon or alanon meeting ASAP!
The only person who can make your sister change her behavior is your sister. She is going to keep doing what she is doing until she decides to stop. You and your mom can complain and lecture her until your blue in the face but she isn't going to stop her BS. Think about it. Your sister has a place to live, food and even a free babysitter. She seems awfully comfortable to continue what she is doing. I am assuming that she does not contribute to the household?
You and your mom need to set up boundaries to make it uncomfortable for her to do what she is doing in your house. Your mom looks to have a lot of codependency issues by not setting up boundaries/rules in the house.
If your mom is truly fed up with your sister's behavior then she needs to draw the line and tell your sister that she can no longer continue living in the house while smoking MJ. Your mom can tell her she is welcome only if she stops using and attends either a program or NA or AA meetings.
Now, regarding your nephew. I don't know if you or your mom are willing and able to care for him instead of your sister in the event that your sister leaves the house. There is no way that she should have custody of her son while she is clearly using MJ. It is obvious that she is not considering the welfare of her child.
She needs to know that if she chooses to continue to place her son in harmful situations that you or your mom will call child protective services and have him placed with you and your mom.
I don't know how far your mom will go in setting up theses boundaries. It looks to me that she has become your sister's # 1 enabler. You need to explain to your mom that your sister is putting the entire family at risk for police action by allowing your sister to have MJ in her house. If the police were called to investigate, your mother as well as yourself could risk arrest for possession of MJ as well as child neglect and/or endangerment. In that event, your nephew would be placed with another family member or foster care.
In the event that your mom is unwilling to take these steps, you will have no other option but to leave the house yourself. Which means you would have to find a job to support yourself. Otherwise, things will go on business as usual. The one who is losing the most in all of this is your nephew!
I am not saying that all these things should happen immediately, but the longer it goes on like this the more your nephew suffers.
Take these things step by step. First, ask your mom to attend a narnon or alanon meeting. If she refuses to go, then go yourself. That way you can learn a little more about addiction and enabling your sister.
Just remember that you cannot make your sister or your mother change. You only have the ability to change yourself.
Good luck
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Now, with that being said, I would suggest that you and your mom get to an narnon or alanon meeting ASAP!
The only person who can make your sister change her behavior is your sister. She is going to keep doing what she is doing until she decides to stop. You and your mom can complain and lecture her until your blue in the face but she isn't going to stop her BS. Think about it. Your sister has a place to live, food and even a free babysitter. She seems awfully comfortable to continue what she is doing. I am assuming that she does not contribute to the household?
You and your mom need to set up boundaries to make it uncomfortable for her to do what she is doing in your house. Your mom looks to have a lot of codependency issues by not setting up boundaries/rules in the house.
If your mom is truly fed up with your sister's behavior then she needs to draw the line and tell your sister that she can no longer continue living in the house while smoking MJ. Your mom can tell her she is welcome only if she stops using and attends either a program or NA or AA meetings.
Now, regarding your nephew. I don't know if you or your mom are willing and able to care for him instead of your sister in the event that your sister leaves the house. There is no way that she should have custody of her son while she is clearly using MJ. It is obvious that she is not considering the welfare of her child.
She needs to know that if she chooses to continue to place her son in harmful situations that you or your mom will call child protective services and have him placed with you and your mom.
I don't know how far your mom will go in setting up theses boundaries. It looks to me that she has become your sister's # 1 enabler. You need to explain to your mom that your sister is putting the entire family at risk for police action by allowing your sister to have MJ in her house. If the police were called to investigate, your mother as well as yourself could risk arrest for possession of MJ as well as child neglect and/or endangerment. In that event, your nephew would be placed with another family member or foster care.
In the event that your mom is unwilling to take these steps, you will have no other option but to leave the house yourself. Which means you would have to find a job to support yourself. Otherwise, things will go on business as usual. The one who is losing the most in all of this is your nephew!
I am not saying that all these things should happen immediately, but the longer it goes on like this the more your nephew suffers.
Take these things step by step. First, ask your mom to attend a narnon or alanon meeting. If she refuses to go, then go yourself. That way you can learn a little more about addiction and enabling your sister.
Just remember that you cannot make your sister or your mother change. You only have the ability to change yourself.
Good luck
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