So, this is how it went ....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 188
So, this is how it went ....
Hi folks,
Well, after 16 weeks, SD's mum rang her on Sunday evening. Well, her 'friend' rang my husband saying that she wanted to speak to SD but didn't know if SD had the same number (after all, it'd been 4 months since she last contacted her daughter!). Hubby confirmed that she did and then mum came on the phone to him and said she was going to ring SD. Hubby said to her 'it's been 4 months since you contacted her. What's that about then?' She said 'I didn't think she wanted to speak to me', which is true, but would you actually give up on your own child??? Anyway, hubby told her that SD may not answer her phone as he wasn't sure she would want to speak to her, but she said she would try and call in around 10 minutes. So, we sat SD down and told her her mother was gonna call her. We said she didn't have to answer her phone if she didn't want to, but she said 'I'll speak to her, but can you guys be there too?'. We all went upstairs to SD's room to await the call. Mum rang, SD put her phone on speakerphone so we could hear what mum was saying. This is how it went ....
Mum - "hello darlin, how are you babygirl?"
SD - "k"
Mum - "I'm getting help now. I've got a good doctor and I'm going to get help. I might go back to hospital or I might go to rehab, but I'm going to get help"
SD - "k"
Mum - "I promise you that I will do it this time, and I promise you that I will prove to you that I can do it. We need to revive our relationship".
SD - "There's nothing to revive".
Mum - "But I'm your mother".
SD - "Yeah, but you're not much of a mother are you?"
Mum - "Don't be like that, I know I've upset you but I promise you I will do it, for you and your brother".
SD - "Mum, do NOT promise me anything. You've made promises my whole life and have never kept them. Do NOT promise me".
Mum - "okay, but I promise you I will do it this time and I will prove it to you".
SD - "did you not hear what I said? I said do NOT promise me. And you would have to prove it to me because I don't believe a word you say".
Mum - "okay, but I promise you I will change, and I'm sorry".
SD - "Sorry? You've caused me to have mental and physical scars because of what you've done. I self harm because of your drinking".
Mum - "I know, I heard about that. I don't want you to do it again. You must stop it. I don't want you to self harm".
SD - "and I don't want YOU to drink!! I can't help the self harm, I'm having counselling for it and support, it's all your fault".
Mum - "we will work on that, and I promise you things will change. I've had enough now and I want to get better".
SD - "you had the chance to get better when you were in hospital and you blew it, so I don't believe you".
Mum - "but I promise I will. I'm not going round next door anymore so I'm making changes. I go round to Aunty K's and Aunty T's instead".
Note - both these people are alcoholics!!
SD - "but they're both alcoholics too!!!!!"
Mum - "I know, I just have coffee".
SD - "yeah right, whatever".
Mum - "I'll ring you in the week".
SD - "I'm going away camping with a friend for 5 days".
Mum - "I'll call you on your mobile".
SD - "I'm not taking it". (she did take her phone)
Mum - "Oh, well make sure you send me a postcard then".
SD now gesticulates with her hands
Mum - "I'll let you go now. I love you honey".
SD - "k"
Mum - "I said I love you honey".
SD - "k"
Mum - "I SAID I LOVE YOU".
SD ends call.
Afterwards SD was absolutely fine, and said to hubby and I "what a load of rubbish, and she could have phoned when she wasn't quite so drunk!".
So there it is, mum's first contact in 4 months
Well, after 16 weeks, SD's mum rang her on Sunday evening. Well, her 'friend' rang my husband saying that she wanted to speak to SD but didn't know if SD had the same number (after all, it'd been 4 months since she last contacted her daughter!). Hubby confirmed that she did and then mum came on the phone to him and said she was going to ring SD. Hubby said to her 'it's been 4 months since you contacted her. What's that about then?' She said 'I didn't think she wanted to speak to me', which is true, but would you actually give up on your own child??? Anyway, hubby told her that SD may not answer her phone as he wasn't sure she would want to speak to her, but she said she would try and call in around 10 minutes. So, we sat SD down and told her her mother was gonna call her. We said she didn't have to answer her phone if she didn't want to, but she said 'I'll speak to her, but can you guys be there too?'. We all went upstairs to SD's room to await the call. Mum rang, SD put her phone on speakerphone so we could hear what mum was saying. This is how it went ....
Mum - "hello darlin, how are you babygirl?"
SD - "k"
Mum - "I'm getting help now. I've got a good doctor and I'm going to get help. I might go back to hospital or I might go to rehab, but I'm going to get help"
SD - "k"
Mum - "I promise you that I will do it this time, and I promise you that I will prove to you that I can do it. We need to revive our relationship".
SD - "There's nothing to revive".
Mum - "But I'm your mother".
SD - "Yeah, but you're not much of a mother are you?"
Mum - "Don't be like that, I know I've upset you but I promise you I will do it, for you and your brother".
SD - "Mum, do NOT promise me anything. You've made promises my whole life and have never kept them. Do NOT promise me".
Mum - "okay, but I promise you I will do it this time and I will prove it to you".
SD - "did you not hear what I said? I said do NOT promise me. And you would have to prove it to me because I don't believe a word you say".
Mum - "okay, but I promise you I will change, and I'm sorry".
SD - "Sorry? You've caused me to have mental and physical scars because of what you've done. I self harm because of your drinking".
Mum - "I know, I heard about that. I don't want you to do it again. You must stop it. I don't want you to self harm".
SD - "and I don't want YOU to drink!! I can't help the self harm, I'm having counselling for it and support, it's all your fault".
Mum - "we will work on that, and I promise you things will change. I've had enough now and I want to get better".
SD - "you had the chance to get better when you were in hospital and you blew it, so I don't believe you".
Mum - "but I promise I will. I'm not going round next door anymore so I'm making changes. I go round to Aunty K's and Aunty T's instead".
Note - both these people are alcoholics!!
SD - "but they're both alcoholics too!!!!!"
Mum - "I know, I just have coffee".
SD - "yeah right, whatever".
Mum - "I'll ring you in the week".
SD - "I'm going away camping with a friend for 5 days".
Mum - "I'll call you on your mobile".
SD - "I'm not taking it". (she did take her phone)
Mum - "Oh, well make sure you send me a postcard then".
SD now gesticulates with her hands
Mum - "I'll let you go now. I love you honey".
SD - "k"
Mum - "I said I love you honey".
SD - "k"
Mum - "I SAID I LOVE YOU".
SD ends call.
Afterwards SD was absolutely fine, and said to hubby and I "what a load of rubbish, and she could have phoned when she wasn't quite so drunk!".
So there it is, mum's first contact in 4 months
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by NikNox 
Afterwards SD was absolutely fine, and said to hubby and I "what a load of rubbish, and she could have phoned when she wasn't quite so drunk!".
So there it is, mum's first contact in 4 months
So there it is, mum's first contact in 4 months
My heart just breaks for your SD, how incredibly painful... in every way.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Just had wandered by this.
Do you know where to get help for SD's self-harm?
Unfortunately we have been down that road, as well, and Mrs. Hammer has had a fairly decent recovery from that.
If you need help, just say so, or pm, or whatever. Best to you.
Do you know where to get help for SD's self-harm?
Unfortunately we have been down that road, as well, and Mrs. Hammer has had a fairly decent recovery from that.
If you need help, just say so, or pm, or whatever. Best to you.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sounds like you are doing a great job of protecting her from harm. It's gotta hurt for her, no matter what, but it sounds like she has a good picture of what's healthy and is rejecting what isn't. That's HUGE in terms of going on to have a happy life.
Hugs,
Hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 188
Thanks everyone for your kind words. Hammer, she is getting help for the self harm by way of her Hidden Harm Worker, and we are awaiting an appointment with a psychiatrist. Having her mum tell her not to do it didn't work- surprising huh?
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