I can't do this alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 16
I can't do this alone
Hi. I was a member of NA for 8 years. I left because I wanted to drink. I started drinking, then doing weed and recently I've been doing coke. For the past 6 months I've been trying to stop but I never go more than 24 hours. I have finally admitted defeat and know I can't do this alone and need help. I need a sponsor. By joining this site I'm surrendering and asking for help. I'm so broken. I'm suicidal again. I hate this disease of addiction. It wants me dead i know it does. My life is so unmanageable. I can't believe it's brought me to my knees again. Addiction is def cunning and patient. Just looking for some support, guidance and love till I can learn to love myself again. Been looking at my step working guide. Still kept it! I want that peace back. I want that connection with a higher power and to have faith in life again rather than this desperation. Please help me. I've tried and I know I can't do this alone. I've experienced the power of another recovering addict. I desperately need that power again. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Hi May73 and Welcome to SR!
There is a lot of information and support here.
I went to AA in the past and although I was only sober five months I must have felt it did something as I kept my Big Book. That is the only thing I kept and the first thing I picked up when I stopped drinking. It sat in my cedar chest for nine years, it was like it was waiting for me.
There is a lot of information and support here.
I went to AA in the past and although I was only sober five months I must have felt it did something as I kept my Big Book. That is the only thing I kept and the first thing I picked up when I stopped drinking. It sat in my cedar chest for nine years, it was like it was waiting for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 16
I love the comment it sat in your chest for 9 years waiting for you. Divine intervention. Thank you both for your comments. I can't stop crying at the moment. But I do have hope or I wouldn't be here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Cambridge, UK
Posts: 76
Hi May73, my addiction is alcohol and its a son of a b****to kick. I've been feeling full of self hate and yesterday I felt like topping myself, feeling like I'm never going to be beat this horrible disease, but I got on SR and talked and it helped me through a very bad night.
Today is Day 1 and I'm feeling a little bit better, not great, but better than last night, which was really bad.
Stay here, connect here, its been a life line for me, share, reach out, do whatever you need to do to, no matter how bad it gets, share on SR and it will get you through the roughest times. I cannot express how much this site has been helping me.
Talking to people who understand exactly how we feel, what we're going through, not being judged, not feeling so alone, not feeling like a freak!
Take care and hang in there
D x
Today is Day 1 and I'm feeling a little bit better, not great, but better than last night, which was really bad.
Stay here, connect here, its been a life line for me, share, reach out, do whatever you need to do to, no matter how bad it gets, share on SR and it will get you through the roughest times. I cannot express how much this site has been helping me.
Talking to people who understand exactly how we feel, what we're going through, not being judged, not feeling so alone, not feeling like a freak!
Take care and hang in there
D x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 16
Thanks D. I know the feeling. I'm too tired to fight this illness anymore. Going on here has helped. It motivated me to swallow my pride and call someone in the fellowship. I'm off to a meeting tomorrow night. Paranoid and anxious now that some self righteous idiot will be all patronising! But as they say. You can't save your a**e and your face at the same time. Have been reading lots of threads on this site. Your comment is real and I so relate. I just want peace of mind. Thx day 1 for me too. Lets hang on in there together and see what life reveals eh?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
“feeling like I'm never going to be beat this horrible disease.” I found out I’ll never beat it as it lingers within and will strike me when my guard is down so I still attend AA so my remember whens will be fresh in my mind. I also need to remember that stopping drinking is only part of the solution, I need to remember the reasons behind MY drinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR May 
I am not sure I agree that you can't save your arse and your face at the same time... It takes guts to face up to a problem like this and tackle it head on, it's something to be proud of. Well done for reaching out x
I am not sure I agree that you can't save your arse and your face at the same time... It takes guts to face up to a problem like this and tackle it head on, it's something to be proud of. Well done for reaching out x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 16
Thanks everyone for the support and D today is day 2 for both of us. I went to my old home group last night. It was very emotional and everyone was lovely. They told me I was lucky to be able to make it back. Was reminded about the principles of the steps and how I need to utilise them in my daily life. But you know the best thing. Last night was the first time in over 2 years I've been relieved of the obsession to use. A bloody miracle!! The therapeutic value of one addict talking to another!!! Feeling very grateful and emotional today. Thank you everyone xxx
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
great on day 2 May
you said before you were 'tired', I know the feeling! The great thing is that is the sign you were fighting to get over the wall to this side, welcome back , just got here myself I think I like the view , I'm gonna stick around , so I guess I Will be seeing you too!
you said before you were 'tired', I know the feeling! The great thing is that is the sign you were fighting to get over the wall to this side, welcome back , just got here myself I think I like the view , I'm gonna stick around , so I guess I Will be seeing you too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by dwtbd 
great on day 2 May
you said before you were 'tired', I know the feeling! The great thing is that is the sign you were fighting to get over the wall to this side, welcome back , just got here myself I think I like the view , I'm gonna stick around , so I guess I Will be seeing you too!
you said before you were 'tired', I know the feeling! The great thing is that is the sign you were fighting to get over the wall to this side, welcome back , just got here myself I think I like the view , I'm gonna stick around , so I guess I Will be seeing you too!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
