Susan80

I have now reached my rock bottom and as I write, I feel so ashamed and disgusted at my drunken behavious last night. . .

I went on a vodka binge and ended up insulting my friends and people that I had never met before in my life. Consequently, my boyfriend is so embarrassed and has told me that I need to sort my life out. . .

I feel so ashamed. . . how could I let this happen? I may have lost friends and I am in grave danger of losing my boyfriend too. I feel so useless.

mecanix

Hello Susan ,
Drinking used to invite in all kinds of crazyness for me ..

Once i have one all bets are off .. it's a gamble as to what will happen .

Only by giving up trying to control alcohol , by giving up completely and utterly did i find freedom from all that crazyness .

I hope you find the freedom to never pick it up again ,

Bestwishes, m

endlesspatience

Like you, I am feeling remorse over what happened last night although for slightly different reasons. The good news is that we have both turned up here and posted and come looking for support. I think we need to ask ourselves what we are going to stay sober this weekend.

Cleopatra1

Ditto mecanix .....u can do it hun...just be honest and ask for help...weve all bin there...peeps will respect u more if u ask for their help..support...forgiveness....it worked for me xxx hugs xx cleo xxxx

Susan80

I have apologised to my friends but so far have heard nothing back. . .

I know that I have a problem. . . I just feel so ashamed that I can't be a normal drinker and have to binge at least once a week. It always turns out badly and now I feel at an all time low.

to have the person I love say that he was embarrssed by me has made me realise how bad things actually are.

JettBoy

Susan,just know that you never have to feel like this again,it too shall pass and the fog will lift and you will feel better at some point. I've done so many embarrassing things in my active addiction that there's not enough room to write them all but I do know that once people start seeing the new you and that you are cleaning up your act it'll get better..Try not to beat yourself up so much,I doubt there's any of us who haven't been these so put it behind you,it's a new day your on the right road and you have many people to support you who are only a click away...

Susan80

Thanks so much for your support people. . . I think coming on here is the way forward for me. I NEVER want to feel this way again and I sincerely mean that. It is going to be tough but surely it will get easier with time.

I hope the fog does indeed lift soon and that people will realise that the "real" me is not a stupid, foul-mouthed drunk.

ReadyAtLast

Hi Susan

I've done the same, many times.

By quitting drinking you know you will never do this again.time does heal and memories fade. hopefully your boyfriend will forgive you and you can show that this will not happen again by remaining sober. For me, I went too far in my last relationship and it didn't survive my drunken behaviour.

For me, it happened again and again.Memories do indeed fade-memories and shame of doing what I did faded so off I went out and did it all again. Only by quitting do I KNOW it will never happen again.

Your friends will hopefully come round in time.If not then you will make new friends in your recovery and know you'll never repeat the situation again.

try not to be too hard on yourself, what's done is done,concentrate your energies on your recovery and not picking up

Pamel

Susan and EndlessPatience,

You can start a new life today. It's not easy but it is so much easier than living life controlled by alcohol.

Susan, one thing you said really struck me: "I just feel so ashamed that I can't be a normal drinker and have to binge at least once a week".

First, I don't believe there are any "normal" people; we all have something. ...and everyone on this site either has addiction or deals with it in family members. You did not CHOOSE to have the genetic makeup for alcohol but you probably do, and will need to accept that.

I would so much rather have alcoholism than cancer, or epilepsy etc. And think about it: a diabetic saying "just once a week I want to be like (normal) people and have a binge of all the sugar I can eat.

I say this having a lot of sober time and then allowing myself to have that "one" drink that led to awful relapses. Heck, I am only back on day 4 sober again today.

Shame has no place in this; recognition of the problem does.

visch1

Hi. The simple way to NEVER feel this way again is realize that if we don't pick up the first drink we don't have to get sober again and it took me awhile to get it. All the BS ideas we think up avoid us being honest with ourselves, I'll stop Monday, I'll only drink after eating, I'll only have 2, only drink after 6PM and on and on. Back when I was going through this AA was the only true help in town and it got me on the right path to a far superior life today, one day at a time by just not drinking that toxic fluid. BE WELL

Mountainmanbob

sounds like an excellent time for you to sober up
you remind me of me in my past
I lost many a nice girlfriend due to my drinking back then
many of them warned me that
they would be leaving if I did not stop drinking
I sure cried in my beer when they were gone

you need not get to that point in time

Mountainmanbob

jazzfish

We are defined not by what we did yesterday, but by what we do today. I find it better to remember the past as motivation for why I need to stop drinking and also as a measure of how far I have come. My embarrassing and shameful moments were caused exclusively by my drinking. My drinking unleashed a vicious tongue, lowered my standards, made me forget my responsibilities...basically, my drinking turned me into someone I am not.

Today, I find that by not drinking, I can slowly turn my life around. Some problems caused by my past drinking heal quickly, some slowly, and a very few never at all. The good news is that in sobriety, I cause far, far fewer problems than when drinking.

Welcome! You will find great support here.

JumpnOn2

Ashamed that you can't be a normal drinker? Susan, there is no shame if you can't be a normal drinker. Besides, what's so bad about that? If u think u need support this place is pretty darn good!! I visit numerous times a day. Normal for me is/was 4-10 drinks most days of the week but only in the evening. Me Having 1-2 and not any more, that was not normal. Welcome here and please come back!!!

LadyBlue0527

Susan,



You're going to find comfort in the fact that you're not alone. Many of us have done the exact same thing that you have and felt the same. I was also a weekend binge drinker justifying my use because I could stay away from alcohol during the week. When the weekend came I drank like a kid with a jar of candy that someone was trying to take away.

My husband would no longer attend events with me at all because he was so embarrassed. When people asked where he was I would make up some excuse. Secretly, I was happy he didn't come because there was no one to watch over how much I was drinking and what number beer I was on.

However, every weekend was the same. Waking up feeling the same exact remorse that you are feeling right now. Professing my need to quit drinking and feeling the guilt, remorse, and shame of the prior evening. Funny how that would dissipate as the next weekend drew near.

I'm glad that you came here. It's hard to join and to have to post something like that. It's the first step on the right path. The next is a plan of action so that when the next time arrives to drink that you don't forget the reasons that you came here.

Coming here and reading and posting was a huge help for me. We're with you on all of this!

Pamel

BTW, I always laugh a little at the phrase: "Normal drinker". I don't believe anyone who does not have a problem would EVER use that phrase. In fact, they don't think about being a "drinker" at all. They just have one or two when the occasion is right. LOL

hayley86

Hi Susan,
I know its easier said than done but try and not punish yourself too much for your drunken behavior. We have all been there at some point or another and you cant change the past but you can make a choice to get sober so this does not happen again. The best way to make amends with people is by getting sober and having a plan in place so this does not keep reoccurring. It seems like this incident is a wake up call for you to hopefully take charge of things before anything bad happens that cant be undone.

I think you will find that if you get sober and get yourself well your friends and boyfriend will hopefully forgive you. My friends and family have forgiven me because they know i was unwell and that was not who i really am. You are not useless. With regards to feeling ashamed that you cant be a "normal" drinker..... some people just cant drink alcohol. I am one of those people too. Once i accepted that and made peace with it the internal dialogue stopped and i was able to get sober and get my life on track. Its worth it, my life is so much better now in every way. Wishing you well.

doggonecarl

The shame of drunken behavior can only carry us so far in recovery. Fresh in our minds, embarrassment is a great spur to action and elicits many promises of sobriety. But disgust with ourselves soon fades and the call of alcohol soon beckons.

Susan, while the memory is fresh, put a plan in place that ensures you don't pick up again and allows you to deal with the situations in life that break your resolve to remain sober.

Susan80

Yeah I realise that that in a few days, alcohol will come calling. My plan is to utilise this site every day, seek support from friends and see a counsellor. Any advice is more than welcome.

IslaLuna

Hi Susan...very nearly a year ago I could have written your post. My bf had ended our relationship because I was so awful and out of control when drunk. I think his exact words were that I was an 'idiot'. I couldn't even remember what I had done. Fast forward twelve months and I have not had a drink. Family and friends have come back...other posters have said it, but people around you give you credit for your efforts. I am in AA but there are other paths to sobriety. I have a life now . Be well xx

pinkdog

Hi Susan, I understand how you feel. I have had alcoholic episodes that left me guilty and sad. It is so good that you are taking responsibility. That is a good step to healing. Since the problem was alcohol, I think the cure is the opposite. No alcohol. Sober time will convince your loved ones that you get it. Have hope and begin a journey of sobriety. It's a sweet life.