can i really never drink again?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: pembroke ON
Posts: 3
can i really never drink again?
ok ive had some pretty terrible experiences with alcohol throughout my life, some great times with friends too.
im 21 now and in 3rd year college.
my worst drunk nights included black outs for hours where I stay up and act either just stupid, emotional or very aggressive towards anyone for no reason.
ive never been an "alcoholic" in the sense where I NEED a drink or keep drinking to fight off a hangover.
my problem is sometimes when I drink excessive amounts its like jeckyll/hyde I just go insane, one night I ended up shopping for groceries at 3am 2 hours from where I lived which kinda freaked me out.
in highschool on 3 different occasions I blacked out and got in fights and I obviously got my ass kicked seeing how intoxicated I was.
the only time I have a strong urge to drink is when im with friends at a bar/club and everyone is drinking which I assume is normal.
this past year I would often turn down friends who wanted to drink because I am so into fitness knowing being hungover would cost me a workout I wouldn't drink.
when I lived in residence last year I actually quit drinking for 2 months because I was having a lot of anxiety when I was hungover (this went away after I dropped 60 pounds and turned out to be a thyroid problem)
but this past weekend was very bad, I got blackout drunk around basically everyone I know (it was a huge field party everyone had been drinking all day and I blacked out around 10pm) up until this point I was fine but when I lacked out it was like a switch flipped I was barreling into groups of people trying to fight for no reason and lost my mind with one of my best friends because he tried to get me to bed they ended up having to hold me down kicking and screaming while my parents picked me up from the party. so im just disgusted with myself at this point some of my friends want me to quit drinking others say maybe take a break for a while, I just feel like since im 21 and in college quitting completely would be impossible if I want to maintain a social life.
id say I drink about once a week and when im at a party I blackout 4/10 times.
I also booked an appointment with an addictions counselor
im 21 now and in 3rd year college.
my worst drunk nights included black outs for hours where I stay up and act either just stupid, emotional or very aggressive towards anyone for no reason.
ive never been an "alcoholic" in the sense where I NEED a drink or keep drinking to fight off a hangover.
my problem is sometimes when I drink excessive amounts its like jeckyll/hyde I just go insane, one night I ended up shopping for groceries at 3am 2 hours from where I lived which kinda freaked me out.
in highschool on 3 different occasions I blacked out and got in fights and I obviously got my ass kicked seeing how intoxicated I was.
the only time I have a strong urge to drink is when im with friends at a bar/club and everyone is drinking which I assume is normal.
this past year I would often turn down friends who wanted to drink because I am so into fitness knowing being hungover would cost me a workout I wouldn't drink.
when I lived in residence last year I actually quit drinking for 2 months because I was having a lot of anxiety when I was hungover (this went away after I dropped 60 pounds and turned out to be a thyroid problem)
but this past weekend was very bad, I got blackout drunk around basically everyone I know (it was a huge field party everyone had been drinking all day and I blacked out around 10pm) up until this point I was fine but when I lacked out it was like a switch flipped I was barreling into groups of people trying to fight for no reason and lost my mind with one of my best friends because he tried to get me to bed they ended up having to hold me down kicking and screaming while my parents picked me up from the party. so im just disgusted with myself at this point some of my friends want me to quit drinking others say maybe take a break for a while, I just feel like since im 21 and in college quitting completely would be impossible if I want to maintain a social life.
id say I drink about once a week and when im at a party I blackout 4/10 times.
I also booked an appointment with an addictions counselor
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 465
Hi Freddy, and welcome to SR!!
In answer to your topic question, I guess that's something that you have to decide. It does sound as if you get pretty out of control though, and if it were me, I would rather choose to quit for myself than wind up in some sort of trouble where someone else is deciding for me. Blackouts are dangerous, and one can't predict what may happen. Could you consider getting back into the workout circuit, and developing a few like-minded healthy friendships?
I wish you the very best Freddy.
Much love,
MV
In answer to your topic question, I guess that's something that you have to decide. It does sound as if you get pretty out of control though, and if it were me, I would rather choose to quit for myself than wind up in some sort of trouble where someone else is deciding for me. Blackouts are dangerous, and one can't predict what may happen. Could you consider getting back into the workout circuit, and developing a few like-minded healthy friendships?
I wish you the very best Freddy.
Much love,
MV
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR.
You are a blackout drinker. I haven't heard where that gets better. It only gets worse. I say quit before you hurt yourself or someone else.
And if you are thinking about controlling your drinking rather than quitting...if you could control your drinking you probably wouldn't be posting here.
You are a blackout drinker. I haven't heard where that gets better. It only gets worse. I say quit before you hurt yourself or someone else.
And if you are thinking about controlling your drinking rather than quitting...if you could control your drinking you probably wouldn't be posting here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Freddy 
No one can tell you if you can ever drink again. But there are some pretty scary elements to your post, I'd wonder why you'd want to?
I too had some black outs when I was younger. My drinking was never 'alcoholic' in the stereotypical sense but I have always had a problem with alcohol, although alcohol hasn't always been a problem. Once I got my drinking 'under control' I was able to drink large amounts and function pretty well. I didn't get hangovers (bad sign in retrospect) and didn't have any social problems from alcohol. In my mid 20's though I was hit pretty hard with bad anxiety and then health issues started creeping up. The next 5 years were a battle to try and get my drinking under control or to be able to drink with no consequences (which again, in retrospect, is a ridiculous aim) which ended with me quitting completely and yeah, forever. It was the best thing I ever did and I wish I had done it sooner. Sobriety isn't without it's challenges but nothing worth doing ever is.
Glad you're here and tackling this at a young age. You have no idea how much I wish I had done that. I would have gained so much by spending the last decade sober.
No one can tell you if you can ever drink again. But there are some pretty scary elements to your post, I'd wonder why you'd want to?
I too had some black outs when I was younger. My drinking was never 'alcoholic' in the stereotypical sense but I have always had a problem with alcohol, although alcohol hasn't always been a problem. Once I got my drinking 'under control' I was able to drink large amounts and function pretty well. I didn't get hangovers (bad sign in retrospect) and didn't have any social problems from alcohol. In my mid 20's though I was hit pretty hard with bad anxiety and then health issues started creeping up. The next 5 years were a battle to try and get my drinking under control or to be able to drink with no consequences (which again, in retrospect, is a ridiculous aim) which ended with me quitting completely and yeah, forever. It was the best thing I ever did and I wish I had done it sooner. Sobriety isn't without it's challenges but nothing worth doing ever is.
Glad you're here and tackling this at a young age. You have no idea how much I wish I had done that. I would have gained so much by spending the last decade sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Hi Freddy,
Welcome to SR.
I would say if you're blacking out like that 4/10 times,you're either drinking to get really drunk or maybe a medical issue.I'm sure you could still have a social life without alcohol while attending college.
Welcome to SR.
I would say if you're blacking out like that 4/10 times,you're either drinking to get really drunk or maybe a medical issue.I'm sure you could still have a social life without alcohol while attending college.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
"ok ive had some pretty terrible experiences with alcohol throughout my life, some great times with friends too." AND "my problem is sometimes when I drink excessive amounts its like jeckyll/hyde I just go insane, one night I ended up shopping for groceries at 3am 2 hours from where I lived which kinda freaked me out."
Things like this brings a remember when for me that I haven't repeated for + 30 years. Thanks to a fellowship called AA.
Part of recovery is being honest with ourselves. In your appointment with your councilor I suggest making a copy of your post and bringing it along. Perhaps save a copy for your future reference also. BE WELL
Things like this brings a remember when for me that I haven't repeated for + 30 years. Thanks to a fellowship called AA.
Part of recovery is being honest with ourselves. In your appointment with your councilor I suggest making a copy of your post and bringing it along. Perhaps save a copy for your future reference also. BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 57
Hi Freddy,
Welcome!
However you want to call the problem and what it "officially" is (alcohol/addict/etc.), you do have a problem. One that can lead to serious consequences.
Good decision on going to an addiction counselor! Very smart move.
If I were you, to be (and stay!) safe, I'd not drink at all anymore. And discuss the rest with your counselor. And post here off-course if it helps you.
Welcome!
However you want to call the problem and what it "officially" is (alcohol/addict/etc.), you do have a problem. One that can lead to serious consequences.
Good decision on going to an addiction counselor! Very smart move.
If I were you, to be (and stay!) safe, I'd not drink at all anymore. And discuss the rest with your counselor. And post here off-course if it helps you.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
Sounds like you are definitely allergic to alcohol! I am 55 years old and drank all my life and never had a blackout. I can only imagine it must be a horribly scarey experience.
At age 21 I could never even think about NOT drinking for the rest of my life. But right now, you don't need to think about that. It's too overwhelming! Just think about not drinking for today only. Then tomorrow, tell yourself you don't drink for today only..Before you know it, those days will stretch into weeks and so forth.
PS. One of the members of my AA group is 22 years old and in college. She quit drinking 1.5 years ago and feels fantastic. She has an active, happy social life!
At age 21 I could never even think about NOT drinking for the rest of my life. But right now, you don't need to think about that. It's too overwhelming! Just think about not drinking for today only. Then tomorrow, tell yourself you don't drink for today only..Before you know it, those days will stretch into weeks and so forth.
PS. One of the members of my AA group is 22 years old and in college. She quit drinking 1.5 years ago and feels fantastic. She has an active, happy social life!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Hi again. "can i really never drink again?" I might add "in safety" and my reply for me is NO Because your pattern is close to mine and I can't, one day at a time.. But you have that choice. BE WELL
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
Another thought: By blacking out, you are losing whole blocks of time in your life that you can never get back. By being sober the rest of your life, you will be able to make good memories that you will remember!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 113
When I was 21 the thought of never drinking again would've been incomprehensible, so I totally understand why you would ask that question when you're at the age where everyone seems to be drinking socially.
But it gets worse. You may be saving yourself alot of grief by stopping now-before you have a spouse, kids, home, and career to lose like me. Just a thought, good luck.
But it gets worse. You may be saving yourself alot of grief by stopping now-before you have a spouse, kids, home, and career to lose like me. Just a thought, good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 175
Hi and welcome. At literally twice your age, I dearly wish I had the sense to stop drinking at 21, instead of spending 20 years destroying my life, losing people around me and being at the desperation stage I'm at right now in life. It's a good thing that you came here, and you obviously feel that you have some problems with the booze. There's a wonderful life ahead of you without being smashed. All the best, and don't be 'scared' of never drinking again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 465
Moderating takes an awful lot of thought and work that I find draining, and it's certainly not foolproof. If you mess up, even once, you run the risk of slipping into the blackout zone--one that sounds pretty dangerous to me given your stories. I think that in your position, I may be more scared of doing something regrettable vs. never drinking again. I know I am in mine.
Maybe consider why never drinking would scare you?? Personally, I'm finding it pretty awesome.
You are a young guy. You are so lucky to be recognizing this problem now--it shows a lot of wisdom and maturity. I admire your courage in being here.
Much love,
MV
Maybe consider why never drinking would scare you?? Personally, I'm finding it pretty awesome.
You are a young guy. You are so lucky to be recognizing this problem now--it shows a lot of wisdom and maturity. I admire your courage in being here.
Much love,
MV
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ontario
Posts: 66
Your situation is similar to mine. I do not get cravings to drink, I do not drink every day, and I'm in my second year of university. But when I do drink, it's all a mess.
Before deciding to get sober, I did some self reflection and thought about my drinking.
I came to some conclusions that I'll share and maybe you can relate
- I can not think of any occasions on which I have drank and only had one drink (by choice). I always drink to the point of blackout.
- I become a different person, a person who I do not like, in these blackouts, who is capable of saying and doing inappropriate things and risking my life.
- I do not drink like a normal person. Where other people will have a few drinks even when binging just to 'get drunk' I will drink until I am much more than just 'drunk'.
- Thinking about 'my' drunk vs 'other' people's drunks, I realize I am very different to them when drinking and when drunk.
- I can go to parties/bars and tell myself 'I won't drink' but end up in a blackout, even if I have no alcohol or money myself.
- I have tried to reduce my intake on such occasions (only bring a certain number of beers, etc, that way when I run out, I've run out) but I still manage to find more.
- I am more tempted to hang out with friends in a drinking scenario than in a sober one ("Wanna come over and watch a movie? Nah I'm tired. Wanna come and have a few? Yeah sure")
I went to an AA meeting and I also was worried because I feel like I will lose all my social life if I quit drinking. But, it has been pointed out to me that my alcoholism is what is telling me this. Millions of people have friendships outside of drinking, and there are people who don't drink for many varying reasons (athletes, allergies, medical issues) who still have a fulfilling social life. But because drinking has been such a focal point, it is hard for me to let go. Part of me is worried that I won't be able to just never drink again. I have a minimum of 2 years left at a school known for partying. But I also know if I drink, I will only get worse, and I don't want to risk that.
Lastly considering moderation: Think about this: if you were CAPABLE of drinking in moderation, why wouldn't you already have been? You are aware and know of what happens in your blackouts, you dislike being like that, and yet you still find yourself putting bottle after bottle to your lips, despite knowing the consequences. As if you were powerless to it.
Good luck
Before deciding to get sober, I did some self reflection and thought about my drinking.
I came to some conclusions that I'll share and maybe you can relate
- I can not think of any occasions on which I have drank and only had one drink (by choice). I always drink to the point of blackout.
- I become a different person, a person who I do not like, in these blackouts, who is capable of saying and doing inappropriate things and risking my life.
- I do not drink like a normal person. Where other people will have a few drinks even when binging just to 'get drunk' I will drink until I am much more than just 'drunk'.
- Thinking about 'my' drunk vs 'other' people's drunks, I realize I am very different to them when drinking and when drunk.
- I can go to parties/bars and tell myself 'I won't drink' but end up in a blackout, even if I have no alcohol or money myself.
- I have tried to reduce my intake on such occasions (only bring a certain number of beers, etc, that way when I run out, I've run out) but I still manage to find more.
- I am more tempted to hang out with friends in a drinking scenario than in a sober one ("Wanna come over and watch a movie? Nah I'm tired. Wanna come and have a few? Yeah sure")
I went to an AA meeting and I also was worried because I feel like I will lose all my social life if I quit drinking. But, it has been pointed out to me that my alcoholism is what is telling me this. Millions of people have friendships outside of drinking, and there are people who don't drink for many varying reasons (athletes, allergies, medical issues) who still have a fulfilling social life. But because drinking has been such a focal point, it is hard for me to let go. Part of me is worried that I won't be able to just never drink again. I have a minimum of 2 years left at a school known for partying. But I also know if I drink, I will only get worse, and I don't want to risk that.
Lastly considering moderation: Think about this: if you were CAPABLE of drinking in moderation, why wouldn't you already have been? You are aware and know of what happens in your blackouts, you dislike being like that, and yet you still find yourself putting bottle after bottle to your lips, despite knowing the consequences. As if you were powerless to it.
Good luck
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by freddy778877 
is my story pretty bad in terms of a blackout drinker...I feel terrible, I know I can moderate myself, the thought of never drinking again seriously scares me
Forget moderation. Moderation is kryptonite to a blackout drinker. I know from experience.
Will your drinking get as bad as mine? I dunno. I do know if you're being honest about blacking out like you say, then you're done for with alcohol, and the writing is on the wall plain enough.
I understand being afraid of never drinking again. very surreal, that particular fear. I'm thinking jumping out of planes with out a parachute doesn't even come close. Without alcohol, I couldn't be me, and with alcohol, I hated what I was. Insane, huh?
Blackout drinking is dangerous and just really an accident waiting to happen, is my experience. Blackout drinking has no upside. Moderation always fails when your mind is shutoff while drinking, yeah?
Eventually it became obvious I was going to die drunk or else live sober. Being afraid of dying - really dying - is a wonderfully powerful motivator to live and do so without getting jammed up by fears of not drinking even when those fears are super strong and dark. Dying is worse then being scared of whatever else I eventually learned the hard way.
Funny enough, the more I stayed quit, back at from 24 and going forwad, the less afraid of alcohol I became. And I also learned to like myself without alcohol too. Being a slave made me into a dumbass. Being free of those addiction chains also ended my being a dumbass with my own life.
I'll never regret quitting at 24. My thinking is you'll never regret quitting at 21.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Hi freddy, good job on searching yourself. Alcohol has been a problem for you. Me too. I know the thought of never drinking again is overwhelming. That is why they say take it a day at a time. You don't have to worry about tomorrow. Just for today "I will not drink". You may decide, not this day, not this day and they add up. They add up to feeling so much better. Good choice. Sobriety rocks.
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