chickaree777

My addict husband is alone now after I left him and his older children chose to live with relatives. He is blaming everyone else for his problems and telling me his sob story... It's all "poor me" and blaming the entire family. He is bombarding me with texts about this and like a fool I read them and I feel it pulling at me emotionally.

For years I have enabled him and been gullible to his emotional manipulation. I am in such a habit of trying to comfort him and give him what he needs that is is VERY hard for me to be detached EVEN THOUGH I KNOW he is often lying and just manipulating me to try and get what he needs.

I am not even sure he is understanding reality the same way the rest of us are. I feel sorry for his suffering and I still feel responsible for him even though I know I shouldn't!! This is very hard...

pravchaw

Sure in not easy - shaking off an addiction. And make no mistake about it - codependency is an addiction. Don't let your drug of choice (aka your AH) take you down. His suffering does not seem great enough for him to get clean?

AnvilheadII

quit reading the texts. that only FEEDS your own codependency. he is a full grown adult and his life is where it is and what it is by his OWN series of choices, or lack thereof. that his wife left him and his children choose to live elsewhere are the consequences of his own actions - allow him now to live with those consequences.

if you had ever been the solution, he'd be in a much different place. HIS life was never YOURS to caretake. or manage. or fix.

Carlotta

Get Mr Number: I call it my codie app, very useful for no contact: it blocks calls and texts and you can chose the settings (hang up or straight to voicemail etc.)
here is the link https://play.google.com/store/apps/d....blocker&hl=en
Oh and the price is right: free LOL

Are you going to Al Anon or Nar Anon? Give it a try, Al Anon really helped me.

Yogagurl

Thanks for the information, Carlotta!! I'm going to download Mr. Number right now!!!!!
((((hugs))))

chickaree777

Thanks everyone. Not reading the texts is the absolute hardest part for me. He just sent me a bunch telling me that he's depressed and lonely and needs hugs and that he's depending on me for life... I responded by telling him he needs to learn to be happy by himself, but I suppose no response would have been better.

We have a son together who he wants to see, so I do feel obligated to let him see his son. But I also get the sense that he's using this as a tool to manipulate me.

He is living with the consequences of his actions right now, but I'm not even sure he really comprehends that!

I have not gone to any meetings. I will look some up and give that a try.

theotherhalf

do they have one of those apps for iphone lol?

for what its worth, nar-anon and CODA were extremely helpful for me as well....