Living The Passionless Life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1
Living The Passionless Life
Hi,
I have everything. Beautiful wife, three great children, two businesses, and I live in one of the most amazing places on earth...but,
I feel alone. Pressured. Distant. Dis-attached from reality. Sad and despairing.
My wife is wonderful and so gracious. In spite of my weakness, she speaks to me from a position of strength and waits and prays for God to work in me. Problem is, I'm not sure if He will, of if I will let Him.
I have read so many real life scenarios on this forum and I am now comfortable to post. I respect the fact that most of you are kind hearted and amazing people, but traumatized and hurt to the point of looking to what hurts us in order to try and heal us.
I have been an alcoholic for 8 years now. I didn't realize it until the past 3 years or so, but it's now to the point where I do plan my life around whether I am going to be sh*tfaced one night and hungover the next. I feel so weak, and the only person who's really aware of this is my wife and brother....but he lives hundreds of miles away.
If I drink I get depressed. If I don't I get depressed. Yeesh. Perhaps one day I'll be somewhat neutral - and then maybe I won't drink.
I have only gone 30 days in the past 8 years without drinking. Other than that, 1 or 2 days is the max. I don't actually know why I'm posting this - may be it's the wine (true story), or maybe I actually think it will help. Either way, I hope you all have true success in your journey's. God bless.
I have everything. Beautiful wife, three great children, two businesses, and I live in one of the most amazing places on earth...but,
I feel alone. Pressured. Distant. Dis-attached from reality. Sad and despairing.
My wife is wonderful and so gracious. In spite of my weakness, she speaks to me from a position of strength and waits and prays for God to work in me. Problem is, I'm not sure if He will, of if I will let Him.
I have read so many real life scenarios on this forum and I am now comfortable to post. I respect the fact that most of you are kind hearted and amazing people, but traumatized and hurt to the point of looking to what hurts us in order to try and heal us.
I have been an alcoholic for 8 years now. I didn't realize it until the past 3 years or so, but it's now to the point where I do plan my life around whether I am going to be sh*tfaced one night and hungover the next. I feel so weak, and the only person who's really aware of this is my wife and brother....but he lives hundreds of miles away.
If I drink I get depressed. If I don't I get depressed. Yeesh. Perhaps one day I'll be somewhat neutral - and then maybe I won't drink.
I have only gone 30 days in the past 8 years without drinking. Other than that, 1 or 2 days is the max. I don't actually know why I'm posting this - may be it's the wine (true story), or maybe I actually think it will help. Either way, I hope you all have true success in your journey's. God bless.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
for many years I drank all day - I could not go more than 3 days in a stretch, sober.
I've been sober since 2007 now.
It's not easy but neither are the scretes we carry as drinkers.
Recovery is not beyond anyone - and you're not alone here.
I hope you decide to join us kindsoul
D
I've been sober since 2007 now.
It's not easy but neither are the scretes we carry as drinkers.
Recovery is not beyond anyone - and you're not alone here.
I hope you decide to join us kindsoul
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome, Kindsoul! First off, the first step really is to understand and admit that you have a problem. Nothing will change until you take that step. It appears that you have.
Next, your story is pretty much our story. I drank hard for 25 years, and the last few were especially bad. A good day? Celebrate with some wine! Bad day? Simple- drown my sorrow in some wine, too. I planned my life around getting my fix. I love hiking and camping but I knew to limit my trips by how much alcohol I could take along. If I didn't drink within and hour or two of my usual start time I'd get a pounding headache.
It's torture when you reach the stage where you can't function without booze, and you realize you're not functioning well with it, either.
The one thing I want to tell you, if you only take one things away from this, is that there is hope. You can change the road you're on even if it seems impossible. I drank three bottles of wine per day, 7 days a week, 52 days a year, year in and year out. When I decided that I would either quit or die I was very afraid that I wouldn't be able to quit without serious medical help, maybe even a drug like Antabuse.
What saved my life was AVRT. Google it, I can't link it here. I was able to quit completely. Granted, so far I've only been sober for a little less than 10 months, but that's 10 times longer than I've ever made it in my life (since I had my first drink in the 80's).
Don't expect life to change completely right away. I feel like I'm still figuring out what my life is going to be about.
But expect that it can get better.
After all, what do you have to lose? You can always go back to p!ssing your life away on booze if sobriety isn't what you'd hoped. What can you gain? The love and respect of your wife, the ability to really be present for your kids (and believe me, you might think you are now but you aren't)...you can make a life more worthwhile than the one you're living now.
In any event, I hope you stick around SR. It's good to have you. Read some of the stories here and share if you like. We're always here for you.
Next, your story is pretty much our story. I drank hard for 25 years, and the last few were especially bad. A good day? Celebrate with some wine! Bad day? Simple- drown my sorrow in some wine, too. I planned my life around getting my fix. I love hiking and camping but I knew to limit my trips by how much alcohol I could take along. If I didn't drink within and hour or two of my usual start time I'd get a pounding headache.
It's torture when you reach the stage where you can't function without booze, and you realize you're not functioning well with it, either.
The one thing I want to tell you, if you only take one things away from this, is that there is hope. You can change the road you're on even if it seems impossible. I drank three bottles of wine per day, 7 days a week, 52 days a year, year in and year out. When I decided that I would either quit or die I was very afraid that I wouldn't be able to quit without serious medical help, maybe even a drug like Antabuse.
What saved my life was AVRT. Google it, I can't link it here. I was able to quit completely. Granted, so far I've only been sober for a little less than 10 months, but that's 10 times longer than I've ever made it in my life (since I had my first drink in the 80's).
Don't expect life to change completely right away. I feel like I'm still figuring out what my life is going to be about.
But expect that it can get better.
After all, what do you have to lose? You can always go back to p!ssing your life away on booze if sobriety isn't what you'd hoped. What can you gain? The love and respect of your wife, the ability to really be present for your kids (and believe me, you might think you are now but you aren't)...you can make a life more worthwhile than the one you're living now.
In any event, I hope you stick around SR. It's good to have you. Read some of the stories here and share if you like. We're always here for you.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by kindsoul 
Perhaps one day I'll be somewhat neutral - and then maybe I won't drink.
You will never feel neutral (normal) until AFTER you've quit drinking. If you're persistently dousing your brain with a depressant, you can't expect any outcome except depression.
I've been waiting 25 years for God's lightening bolt to miracle my butt sober. It would appear some effort on my part is going to be required as a down payment.
Let's do this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
It will NEVER work in the order you've written.
You will never feel neutral (normal) until AFTER you've quit drinking. If you're persistently dousing your brain with a depressant, you can't expect any outcome except depression.
I've been waiting 25 years for God's lightening bolt to miracle my butt sober. It would appear some effort on my part is going to be required as a down payment.
Let's do this.
You will never feel neutral (normal) until AFTER you've quit drinking. If you're persistently dousing your brain with a depressant, you can't expect any outcome except depression.
I've been waiting 25 years for God's lightening bolt to miracle my butt sober. It would appear some effort on my part is going to be required as a down payment.
Let's do this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
I am only two weeks sober, but they are good weeks. My head is clear and I feel good about myself. This is the longest I have gone in years. The support here is amazing. I quit cold turkey, not sure it is the best way but it is what I did. My brain was not happy about it. On the forth day the room spun and the fifth day I felt unstable on my feet. It was then that I realized what I had done to my body. It needed alcohol to feel normal. That is sad but true. I have been so ashamed and sad about my alcohol use. Very few knew the extent of my drinking. I never missed work and the only one who I was around drunk was my husband who was drunk too. He would never say anything as he did not want me to say anything about his drinking. Anyway, you get the idea. I was tired of living life in a fog and wondering what I did the night before. Now I can tell you what I have done every night for the last two weeks. I am feeling good and hope you can join us. You will never be sorry you quit drinking. We are all here for you.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Hi kindsoul,
My first thought when I read your post was what Nonsensical pointed out. It cannot work in the order you posted. The alcohol is exacerbating, if not solely causing, your depression. It will never improve or clear while you are drinking. Unfortunately, it will worsen.
Secondly, think carefully about the words you are choosing and the language you are using with yourself. Look, you are currently caught in the cycle of addiction. That's all there is to it. To add a judgement to it ("I am weak") only serves to weigh you down and continue to drag out the process of quitting. This is the work of your addiction. Stop allowing it to use that language.
I second what myth said. You may benefit from reading about AVRT as a way to separate and get some distance from your addiction. Getting a bit of distance can allow the clarity needed to get your foothold. You can do this. So many have.
My first thought when I read your post was what Nonsensical pointed out. It cannot work in the order you posted. The alcohol is exacerbating, if not solely causing, your depression. It will never improve or clear while you are drinking. Unfortunately, it will worsen.
Secondly, think carefully about the words you are choosing and the language you are using with yourself. Look, you are currently caught in the cycle of addiction. That's all there is to it. To add a judgement to it ("I am weak") only serves to weigh you down and continue to drag out the process of quitting. This is the work of your addiction. Stop allowing it to use that language.
I second what myth said. You may benefit from reading about AVRT as a way to separate and get some distance from your addiction. Getting a bit of distance can allow the clarity needed to get your foothold. You can do this. So many have.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Nice to have you along kindsoul,
Booze exacerbated the above for me , maybe the same is true for you ?
Bestwishes, m
I feel alone. Pressured. Distant. Dis-attached from reality. Sad and despairing.
Bestwishes, m
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by kindsoul
Hi,
I have everything. Beautiful wife, three great children, two businesses, and I live in one of the most amazing places on earth...but,
I feel alone. Pressured. Distant. Dis-attached from reality. Sad and despairing.
My wife is wonderful and so gracious. In spite of my weakness, she speaks to me from a position of strength and waits and prays for God to work in me. Problem is, I'm not sure if He will, of if I will let Him.
I have read so many real life scenarios on this forum and I am now comfortable to post. I respect the fact that most of you are kind hearted and amazing people, but traumatized and hurt to the point of looking to what hurts us in order to try and heal us.
I have been an alcoholic for 8 years now. I didn't realize it until the past 3 years or so, but it's now to the point where I do plan my life around whether I am going to be sh*tfaced one night and hungover the next. I feel so weak, and the only person who's really aware of this is my wife and brother....but he lives hundreds of miles away.
If I drink I get depressed. If I don't I get depressed. Yeesh. Perhaps one day I'll be somewhat neutral - and then maybe I won't drink.
I have only gone 30 days in the past 8 years without drinking. Other than that, 1 or 2 days is the max. I don't actually know why I'm posting this - may be it's the wine (true story), or maybe I actually think it will help. Either way, I hope you all have true success in your journey's. God bless.
I have everything. Beautiful wife, three great children, two businesses, and I live in one of the most amazing places on earth...but,
I feel alone. Pressured. Distant. Dis-attached from reality. Sad and despairing.
My wife is wonderful and so gracious. In spite of my weakness, she speaks to me from a position of strength and waits and prays for God to work in me. Problem is, I'm not sure if He will, of if I will let Him.
I have read so many real life scenarios on this forum and I am now comfortable to post. I respect the fact that most of you are kind hearted and amazing people, but traumatized and hurt to the point of looking to what hurts us in order to try and heal us.
I have been an alcoholic for 8 years now. I didn't realize it until the past 3 years or so, but it's now to the point where I do plan my life around whether I am going to be sh*tfaced one night and hungover the next. I feel so weak, and the only person who's really aware of this is my wife and brother....but he lives hundreds of miles away.
If I drink I get depressed. If I don't I get depressed. Yeesh. Perhaps one day I'll be somewhat neutral - and then maybe I won't drink.
I have only gone 30 days in the past 8 years without drinking. Other than that, 1 or 2 days is the max. I don't actually know why I'm posting this - may be it's the wine (true story), or maybe I actually think it will help. Either way, I hope you all have true success in your journey's. God bless.
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