spicymustard

I'm off the wagon.

Life has been really, really hard lately. I've used alcohol as an escape . I wake up filled with panic, go straight to the toilet and vomit. I'm a wreck during the day. I have a uniquely stressful job and I haven't coped well with it.

This time around I have an Rx for benzos (.5mg Klonopin daily). Got the Rx while clean. It's a small dose, but I think I've gotten into dangerous territory. I crave and feel ill without the pills or booze.

I've been on a run for about 2 weeks. For a while I decided that sobriety isn't for me. But it has to be. I overcame years of SA. Stayed clean for months. I drifted back to my old habits. And I have a baby on the way.

A baby on the way. And I'm abusing alcohol and taking pills.

Not good.

iwh

are you able to take a time out?

detox treatment at home or in center?

this needs to happen. baby on the way!

Nighthawk8820

This is no longer just about you, but you are also harming your baby. You need to get help and check into rehab, before you cause irreversible damage to your child, if you havent already. This is not a way to live and I do not know what else to say. These posts are always the most difficult for me to read, because I do not understand how on Earth people still use when pregnant. I guess I will never understand, but I do know you can get help, but you have to admit your in over your head and get some outside council. Good luck.

Dee74

Hi SM

this week has been a rough one for me too - but I know if I went backwards it would have got a lot worse.

stop making it worse, man.

Think of those who are relying on you to be there for them.

D

iwh

SpicyMustard, post on here and let us know how it's going. you're in a situation where you need change right away and people will help with that. consider yourself fortunate. take the help, you need to.

least

I got sober and I thought I was hopeless. I wasn't. And neither are you. You can do this. Have faith in yourself.

spicymustard

I should clarify - I am a man. I'm not harming my baby.

visch1

Hi. I hope you can MAN up and get honest with yourself. I know I give tough answers because I've been exposed to all the BS alcoholics themselves believe. A simple answer to you "stress" problem is leave the job. Now I hear the buts. I'll respond with , is your and your family life worth it? And on and on. I've been in those shoes and under the influence we really can't think well for some months. I needed and need AA for my educations as my way wasn't working. BE WELL

Nighthawk8820

phew,you are a guy! I feel better knowing that. Hang in there buddy, sorry for the rant earlier. Have you thought of going to treatment or trying something new? There are many ways to get sober now days, so you can try other options. I know you can do this.

spicymustard

booze is poured out. going to an aa meeting today.

mecanix

That's positive action, respect to you for taking it in hand and doing something.

Bestwishes, m

BabyJane

I can so relate Spicy, don't worry you are not alone in your struggles. It sounds like you're ready to try this sobriety thing again though, yes? I wish you well. I have a baby on the way too and its such a blessing but oh the stress! I want to be a good parent. I fight my inner addict / alcoholic almost every day and sometimes it is exhausting. Work is stressful and drove me to my last relapse. I just couldn't take it anymore. It was get loaded to escape the stress or quit and face the stress of financial ruin. Neither appealed to me. Currently 8 months sober and finally able to get some time off since little one's birth is around the corner but there's a new issue and that is me being in pain a lot lately and not knowing what the hell to do. I'm very petit and my back feels like its about to snap in half, plus contractions every other day. But that's my issues. Point is we all battle this demon together and there's always huge challenges in life making it all the more important that we band together. So I am here for you. We are all here. Hang in there.