Rose56

I am worried about my daughter now. She has always been the "good" one. She gets good grades and complies with most rules. But last week she decided to skip school with some girlfriends. She got caught immediately and has had consequenses at home and at school. My son has been telling me that the kids she hangs around are not good, some of them are guyes that are 20yrs old and working at Hardees. He also said that some of Ashley's friends have friends that sell drugs. Also, my husband found out that Ashley and her friends have tried pot.

That is a whole other topic. I don't know how to share my past experiences with my kids. When I was in college I smoked pot very regularily and drank lots of beer etc. too. But this was an unusal period for me, my first freedom from home, and I cleaned up my act a couple of years after college. How do I share this without them thinking that it is ok to drink and do drugs? I did tell them that I tried pot, but I more than tried it!

Then last night she tells me that she has been feeling bad lately, not happy, not sleeping, and not herself. I know these are symptoms of depression and I am worried. If I take her to a regular doctor, they will put her on an antidepressant without hesitation. I think they over prescribe those antidepressants. I took them for awhile and they did help. But I hate to see her start down that path.
I could take her to a therepist that specializes in teens.
I'm not sure what to do? Oh and she hates life at home too. More stress from an unexpected quarter.

bonbon

Rose,
It has struck me to reply because I am 29, and can remember going through the similar type things with my parents at home. I now have a daughter who is about to turn 6. I was into the wrong crowd and trying drugs there for about 3 years in high school and on out. I did get myself together though, and got back on the right path. I can remember my parents just being there for me, they enfored consequences and took me to a therapist for a few weeks. I remember that helping me. It was like I came out of it. I can certainly understand your concern as I now have my own daughter and her well being to think about.

I often think about if she was to take that path what could I do? Would I tell her I experimented? I don't want to send the wrong signal to her that its ok to try them. But I want her to be honest with me too. I think it all goes back to the one day at a time thing, unfortunately you can't be there with them 24hrs a day. But being there for them makes a difference too. I sometimes just also hope my daughter can stay 6 years old forever.

Just some thoughts, hope you take care of YOU!

Love,
bonbon

Morning Glory

Hi Rose,
Raising teenagers is deffinately a rollercoaster ride. What I find so encouraging about your post is that you are so concerned about your daughter. Your concern is what will get her through just about anything.

Sometimes, just being able to share her feelings will be enough to make her feel better. I shared some details of my life with my children thinking it would help, and I'm so sorry I shared them with my son. He throws it back in my face any chance he gets. My daughter never used it against me, but I'm not sure that it helped her either.

I think it's good to let them know you are not perfect and let them know how you deal with your feelings and the tools you use to overcome obstacles.

I had some real struggles with my daughter when she was a teenager. She also was always the good one. She returned to her wonderful self when she was about 23 years old. I think communication is the best antideppressant and knowing you have support and love. Consequences are a form of security also. Sometimes it hard for teenagers to form their own boundaries. Knowing there are consequences teaches them how to form those boundaires.

I think you are doing everything right and you'll know what to do as the situations arise. Maybe you could sit down with her and talk about different choices that she is going to have to face. Inform her of the possible natural consequences she will have to pay for each choice, good and bad. Then she will know before she makes a choice of the price she may have to pay for the decision that she made.

I haven't met a teenager yet that didn't experience depression and confusion. She is also at that stage in life where hormones can contribute to her moods.

You have the wisdom you need to help her through the drug issue.

Don't panic, she's a teenager.

MG

Rose56

Thanks, Your comments have helped. I think I will just keep talking with her and hoping that will help. One day at a time. I also think I will just tell my children that I made some choices that I wish I had not and not go into details. They will not be able to understand the details anyway and why I made the choices I did. But I want to be careful because I think now they think I never did anything wrong. What a thin line we walk. thanks again